Adoration, Retrospection, Tribulation

Looking back, these were the best times of my life

A white shirt laying on the floor
reminds me of a time
when I was the only one you adored.
It didn’t take much, one joyride, one meteor shower date
for love to come unforced and bright,
as an immense outpour.

No words, just the hushed whispers
between heartbeats,
the way your lips on mine left me with a desire to explore.
In those moments I could’ve sworn,
a future with you is all I could ask for.

Even bright things cast long shadows.
You started folding in on yourself
shoulders hunched as if you’re bracing for a blow
that no one is throwing.
The room isn’t shrinking
but your mind thinks it is,
distorting what could have been and
enforcing the belief that you are deplorable.
Somewhere in the quiet you rewrote the script,
turned softness into shame,
convinced yourself that you were never worthy
of the same love you gave me.
You set your own limits and called it safety.

But moments can’t outrun memory
and love doesn’t unlearn fear overnight.
I won’t let you be buried in closed rooms,
the same ones I go to when I mourn.
No one should live where grief makes its home.

But wouldn’t it be magnificent
even for a moment,
we could slip back into that soft, stupid joy
and kind silence,
I drop my garments all over your carpet?