Crow for dinner.

Dirty Harry was right - know your limitations

“What’s the story on this Kung Fuuu” said a voice from a guy I couldn’t see.

I’d been invited to a dinner with a nationally ranked Full Contact Karate Champion by friends who studied Karate.

Having studied Kung Fu for only a year or so was just a beginner. But I took a razing because of the TV show Kung Fu. The back and forth about which was better was just harmless fun between friends.

So I responded, “What’s it to youuu?”

"I'll tell you what it is to me. I'll break both your arms and legs and you won't be able to stop me." Said the voice in a soft growl.

It turned out I just had met the guest of honor. I knew he could do what he had said to me and I couldn’t stop him.

"I’m sorry. I thought someone was joking with me and I was joking back" I said quietly choking down any sense of pride I had.

"Watch your mouth or you’ll get hurt." He said with an edge in his voice. “I hate Chinese martial arts and more then that I hate rickshaw karate. The stupid wisdom and artificial discipline don’t mean a thing to me. What matters is who is left standing at the end of the match. I go into the ring intending to destroy my opponent, nothing less. I will do whatever I need to win I don’t worry about art – just beating people up. I really like to beat up the philosophical fools. Are you one of those?”

“I find value in the philosophies of Taoism. I also know that I am too old to become an expert at my martial art. But the exercise and calm that practice of it brings me is worth it. I could never be a competitor like you.”

“That’s right and even if you were younger, you would never be a match for me. Maybe you could talk me into unconsciousness.”

“I was invited to a dinner in honor of your accomplishments in martial arts by my friends. I have done that and now I will leave. Good night.”

“You’ll leave when I say so.” He said.

“No, I will leave now.” I said as I stood up.

The room was quiet like it was holding its breath. None of my friends said anything.

“I know you can stop me and beat me senseless, but short of killing me which I know you can also do, you will be dealing with the police explaining to them what you did to me. I don’t want to be badly hurt but your life will be ruined no matter what you do to me. I or my survivors will see to that.”

The room was still quiet.

He gave me a look of disdain and waved me out of the room.

I turned away from him and walked to the door trying hard not to shake.

I promised myself that if he hurt me and if I healed, I would run him down with my car.

Knowing I had no choice. I walked away feeling smaller.

It was years later; I joined a local health club (which was also a Karate school). It turned out to be his club. I joined anyway.

He seemed very changed. Not so brash or aggressive, almost too accommodating. He was married and I found out later I had met him at the peak of his capabilities back then.

I don’t know if he remembered me – probably not – but it didn’t matter.
I did my exercise and went home.