I Never Knew

Confessions of love to her dearest

All little girls dream of the white dress, the handsome groom, the princess day.
I grew older and those hopes faded with the memories of childhood.
Always the friend, never the girlfriend; the wedding musician looking on from the side.
Not just marriage — love in general — was not meant for me.

I never knew what it felt like to be loved by a man.

Then I met someone whose words sang loud with promise.
Passing years became a struggle — I loved him, but he loved his music.
His words rang hollow; he couldn't love me or anyone else.
I moved on and learned to love myself again.

I never knew what it felt like to be truly loved.

Healing came and I came to love my singleness and see it as a gift.
No ties, no stress, no battles of will or volatile misunderstandings.
Finally at peace with myself and my lot in life I embraced what was to come.
I re-entered the world I loved and felt at home again.

I never knew how to do anything but be strong and move on alone.

I remember the first day I met you — lost in your blue eyes and smile.
An inner voice whispered You're in trouble now.
But I waived it off — you weren't available
And why would you want me anyway?

I never knew why my mind would even think such a thing.

Time went by and the universe put us together in our work.
Something — energy, magnetism, something — was there.
Over and over, I brushed off the thoughts and saw you as a dear friend.
But whatever it was grew stronger and I desperately tried to hide it.

I never knew something was growing inside you, too.

But one night the universe was ready to do its magic.
Lightning struck and the earth moved in the moments of an embrace.
Though my thoughts ran wild for a week wondering what had taken place,
In the starlight of a spring night, everything changed.

I never knew you'd felt that same electricity.

We've been told things are black and white,
Choices are good or bad, and the path is clear.
But the truth is, life is very gray, and the way is often full of obstacles.
The goal is for us to grow and become better humans in the process.

I never knew I would change my worldviews so greatly.

You have discussions to have; decisions to make.
It is hard, complicated, and ugly — nothing simple or clean about it.
But I believe sometimes we outgrow the people in our lives
And not everyone is meant to be forever.

I never knew how hard this would be.

The depth of my soul believes we are growing.
You are embracing your precious value and accepting all the beautiful things you deserve.
I am learning to have faith in another human's love and growing out of anxious attachment.
We are growing to a place of healing so we can love each other better.

I never knew I could wait in silence and in peace simultaneously.

The wait is exhausting, the longing agonizing.
The short time without you will be worth every burning minute
For the future I get to spend with you — and I absolutely believe it will be.
We are meant to love each other once we have reached healing.

I never knew I could love so sacrificially.

You need to do things in your time and in your way.
I want you to have no regrets in this monumental choice.
I won't lie — I mourn every passing day I cannot love you.
I cling to the promise my heart sings to my spirit.

I never knew a faith like this.

A single flame unites our spirits across time and space.
The visceral ache in my soul missing your presence,
Longing for your voice, yearning for your touch,
Feels like the pull of a black hole.

I never knew a hunger could exist for another person the way I hunger for you.

The dreams of a little girl are now those of a grown woman.
Now all I want is to love you and be loved by you.
To share our days and nights, enjoy our lives together,
To hold fast to one another through every high and low.

I never knew a dream could be so simple yet so beautiful.
I never knew I could love another human the way I love you.

That I would have this kind of love — I never knew.