The Uninvited

Journey Through Genres

Hi, my name is Norman. Although I don't like it most people call me Norman the Nerd. I gained the nickname at school and it's followed me to work. I worked hard at school but I still only managed to pass one exam - domestic science. Doesn't count for much in the world of work unless you want to be the next Jamie Oliver.

The one thing I did achieve was to pass my driving test at the first attempt. And I can honestly say I have never had a driving conviction, not even a parking ticket. I started work at the supermarket straight from school, first as a trolley collector, then as a packer. As soon as I turned twenty-one I applied for a job as a delivery driver. More money for less hours.

A lot of the drivers went to the same school, hence the nickname sticking around like a turd in the u-bend. Every time there was a lads night out I was the uninvited. The next day, to add insult to injury, my inbox would be full of snaps of the great time they had, captioned with 'LOSER!"

The only person who really spoke to me, not at me, was Lucy from packing. Like me she lived at home with her Mum. I got the impression she too was the uninvited although she never complained. She was no oil painting but I liked her. We'd take our breaks together. Of course we got our fair share of ribbing because of that but it never seemed to bother her.

"You going to Ray's stag?" She asked as we came through the staff entrance.

"No, it's not my scene." It might have been if someone had bothered to invite me. The whole place was buzzing with the event of the year.

"We got the Raj."
"Of course there's a stripper."
"All you can eat ..."
"And drink."

I was imagining my inbox next day. Ray rubbing himself against some scantily clad young woman. Guys with traffic cones on their heads. You get the picture.

When the great day arrived it was piddling down. I got wet just walking from my car to the entrance. I was on the 7 - 1 shift that week. So it seemed were the majority of the drivers. They couldn't wait to get to the bash of the century. "Can you do the 5 - 9 shift as well today? It's time and a half." Of course I could. It beats sitting at home watching TV with Mum and I had nothing better to do.

I got home just in time to watch the local news. Hey, that's the Raj Kapoor restaurant. Why all the ambulances? "Thirty-six people were taken to hospital with suspected food poisoning. Two are believed critical." All you can eat ay ... salmonella, listeria ...

The next day I checked my inbox. Only two snaps - a scantily dressed woman throwing up, and the inside of an ambulance, looked like it was taken by mistake. None of the usual comments. Only five of us made it to work that morning - the three women, old Eric and yours truly. Five people to cover twenty routes. Now there are a few customers about whom I don't care if they don't get their delivery. The ones who are too posh to be seen in a supermarket. But the majority really needed us.

"I'm happy to work through." I told the supervisor. "And those two can wait." I pointed out two people on my route who were perfectly capable of doing their own shopping.

"Do 7-1 then come in for a break. We'll see how things are going then."

I knew old Eric could barely handle his usual route and the women couldn't be expected to handled too much extra, so it was down to me - Super Nerd. All I needed was a cape and the ability to fly. By one o'clock I had completed my usual route and a few extra. I pulled back into the loading bay and Lucy was waiting with a cup of tea and a sandwich.

"Thanks love. I just need to speak to the boss a minute." I knocked on the office door but there was no answer.

"He's taken a load out. But he should be back any minute."

It was one in the morning when I finally finished. Lucy was waiting with a towel and a hot drink even though it was way past her going home time. "Even the shop manager's taken out two loads."

Payday came and what with the overtime and the bonus, I received almost five times my usual wage. "Hey Lucy, fancy a weekend away?"

Lucy and I are getting married next week. A quiet affair, mainly family. I sent out an announcement to all the usual suspects. It said 'You are most definitely the Uninvited.'

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