Coming from the Unknown

My sad love story 10/29/25

I must be some sort of an Uncanny Marvel. What is my super power? I am able to place my emotions to the side, in order to ensure that you are all right. Even though you are the one that caused the turmoil that is coursing through my heart!
I don't know what is worse. To be in the unknown or to be in the known. When I didn't know, I thought I could help you decide. Even if that meant to be patient. When your truth was spoken, I knew that what I wanted from you, was robbed. You had given it to someone new. How could you? I was there for you, to always help you pick up the broken pieces of your life. I cared for you, beyond what I thought was a fairy tale, and you found someone else to confide in, to lean on.
You could have stopped this even before you met your shiny new toy! Instead you kept me, we acted, and now, the curtains have come down, the end... I guess I did not win the academy award. Someone else did. And even though you say that what you did was not your intent. You knew that you would cause me pain. Please don't deny it.
Lets look at one thing that is very prominent, you lied to me. And even though I understand your reason, that doesn't mean I want to accept it. I hate you for it. And I am sorry for it cause that does not make me a good friend. One in which you say you need. What about me? Why doesn't anyone ever think about me? Am I not worthy? No one has every truly loved me, only what I could give them, what they could take from me.
You are now the norm, like every person I have ever known.
I need to let you go! I want to so badly. But I cant because my stupid heart loves you! You own me in every way. And you know that, you always have, even before I did. You have the power to break me and sadly, you did.
I love you, but I was not enough.
As I hold my emotions inward I don't want to deal with what is inside me. I hate it. I just want to be okay but my anger and my love are fighting and I am left with blurred days, restless nights and dried up tears. What is going on? I want to cry, so I can let you go! My tears, my thoughts, are becoming numb. Without wanting too, my mind is desiring to feel nothing! To be nothing! It would be so much easier. Everyday I am going through a new emotion and I don't like it. I don't remember the details of my days but only the pain and the anger. Sleep seems so welcoming... to feel and be nothing. What a beautiful thought.
I never wanted this..
Only you...
Instead, I got the secrets and the complications from your actions.
Am I supposed to be okay with that?
I don't know how to be the friend you need right now.
Because I don't even know what I want.
The day you told me the actual truth, I felt my heart die. I guess I am just mourning for the death of my love for you. You have no idea how much I am suffering and crying and begging the God's to release me from your love. And you never will...
I can only hope that one day I will be able to look at you and see you for what you really are to me: a friend.