Betrothed

Let me tell you how I got married.

She entered the room smoothly, the door swinging inward at the push of a hand. The thing that I noticed most was that for some reason her form preceded her. Entirely. I could see her raised palm pushing against the glass pane in the center of the door as her other turned the knob. From my seat in the front of the crescent shaped lecture hall I could see her face through the door, I could see her demeanor. But none of that registered. It was her form that did. It came first and that sat heavily in my thoughts, both the conscious ones that I could examine and the unconscious ones that sneered at any attempt to interact with them. My conscious thoughts trilled recognition, and my subconscious alarmed the same.

I stared as she entered. Utterly nonplussed. Wrong-footed, despite that I was sitting. My mind did some sort of weird calculus or stutter step. The thought to wave or squeeze my eyes shut, warred ferociously in my head. They were both defeated by a third thought that suggested i continue to stare.

So, stare I did. Not surreptitiously in the manner of most polite persons. No, I gawked. And then I swallowed nervously. Because the form that had stepped into the room was not exactly human. It looked human. It had the correct dimensions and all the cosmetic exaggerations as well. But it was absolutely not human.

And then the rest of her entered into the room as well. It was perhaps only a half second behind her form. But it lagged her. I could see that somehow. I could sense it too. It felt like a sudden pressure change like diving to the bottom of the pool. My ears popped and I stopped gawking and bolted up from my seat and began running for the emergency doors at the back of the lecture hall.

I did not get far at all. Perhaps three or four steps and then she tackled me to the ground. Right in front of the other dozen or so students seated and waiting for Professor Adkinson to start his lecture. The man was facing the green boards and was busily dusting away the scribblings from some previous class - and so he did not notice any of the commotion behind and above him.

Not that that would have mattered at all. Lydia - that was the creature who had entered the room slammed me to the carpeted steps that led up to the emergency doors and then straddled me and flipped me over with one deft movement. She stood up, hoisting my not inconsiderable frame with one hand twisted into my leather jacket and shirt. She then leaned in close and smiled.

It approximated a smile. It was not a smile. It was a crocodilian grin and the innumerable teeth it revealed assured me that whatever else was to occur it was not going to be humorous.

She proved that by biting off my arm.

As the stump at my shoulder gushed a crimson flood, she smiled again and said, "Well hello darling, how's it hanging?" She maintained her smile and then noticing the other students who were scrambling to make their own getaways she turned and growled at them. A few fainted and the hardier ones slammed their way through the emergency door.

The bright beam of sunlight that the open doorway let into the lecture hall finally broke Professor Adkinson's focus and he turned around, duster in hand and coughed for attention.

Lydia, not liking to be interrupted in her activities, picked up my severed arm and flung it at Professor Adkinson's head. The palm of the thrown arm slapped him across the face leaving a smear of blood and he stumbled back.

Having dealt with the interruption, Lydia returned her attention to me. She still had me in the air, toes twitching in my brand-new Adidas running shoes. She sniffed at me and then spoke again.

"The wedding was three cycles ago. You did not show and Mother - " She dropped me at that and made a show of examining her fingernails. Each of which was immaculately painted, black and white just like her house banner.

She continued after a moment as I lay there, blood still jetting out. "Well, you know how Mother gets. She was quite upset let me tell you. And she wanted to send Father and Krakus after you." Lydia squatted down and brushed my head with hers. It was like touching a rough and leathered surface.

"But I said that I'd come get you. So here I am." She whispered that into my ear and then stood again with a sigh. It sounded an awful lot like the whistling of a boiling kettle.

"I think you've lost a lot of that thin fluid you humans have inside you - so let's plug that leak." She slapped a waxy paper of some sort over my stump, and I felt an electric bolt run through my body. The bleeding stopped and so did my thoughts.

When I woke up again, I was in formal attire and standing across from my bride in the Emperor K'thanka The Renderer's throne room. The emperor himself was seated authoritatively on a simple obsidian throne, and his fists were clenched in what I suspected was anger. His wife, Queen Elrood K'thanka, was seated two steps behind and above him. Her obsidian chair was much more ornate and imposing. She was staring daggers at me. The two knives she spun in one hand with the languid ease of an assassin assured me that the stare was quite meaningful.

Lydia was dressed in full hunting regalia and with a resplendent white cloak that swept the floor. She stood across from me and held out her hands. Her ghostly form - the Khaa they called it - floated just behind her and imitated her movements faithfully. The fact that I could see the Khaa was what had made me such a prize for the royal family. In hindsight, I probably should have never let on about that skill.

We clasped each other, wrist to wrist and then recited the oaths of binding.

Moments later, the entire throne-room erupted with trumpets and shouts of merriment. Emperor K'thanka even stepped down from his throne and with thudding steps approached me and then swept me up into an embrace. He whispered into my ear. "Do not fail my sugar lump again. Lydia's mom already has a bounty out on your head. Just dormant." He shook me and smiled. Closed mouth so I could not see the teeth, but the eyes and the bone breaking grip were eloquent in their communicative power.

I smiled back, showing all of my teeth in the acceptable gesture of defiant grace. And k'thanka roared his approval, holding me high over his head.

And that, dear reader is how your boy here became third in line to the throne of the Empire of Lash-Al-Thanka. It's only a couple hundred light years away. I recommend you not visit. wrist to wrist and then recited the oaths of binding.

Moments later, the entire throne-room erupted with trumpets and shouts of merriment. Emperor K'thanka even stepped down from his throne and with thudding steps approached me and then swept me up into an embrace. He whispered into my ear. "Do not fail my sugar lump again. Lydia's mom already has a bounty out on your head. Just dormant." He shook me and smiled. Closed mouth so I could not see the teeth, but the eyes and the bone breaking grip were eloquent in their communicative power.

I smiled back, showing all of my teeth in the acceptable gesture of defiant grace. And k'thanka roared his approval, holding me high over his head.

And that, dear reader is how your boy here became third in line to the throne of the Empire of Lash-Al-Thanka. It's only a couple hundred light years away. I recommend you not visit.