Jesus In Special Places

A mix up of gifts results in an embarrassing situation for both employee and boss.

“I’m going to get fired for this.”

”I know!” Maria said across the line, her tone unfairly chipper. Her Christmas gift arrived in the mail today. However, It was not her gift, a red box with a golden bow. But the gift for my boss, a red box, no bow.

“Can you imagine it? Him opening it up and-“

”I don’t have to imagine it, I was there.”

Maria laughed hysterically and I held my head in my hands. Today had not gone as planned.

The box for my boss was meant to be a thank you gift for my recent promotion. A miniature notebook that I know he would use. A simple gesture that would solidify my place in the corporate hierarchy.

I went to his office this morning. I was nervous, but gave a kind speech and a generous amount of thank you’s, before handing him the box. He opened it and my eyes went wide with horror as he stared blankly at the contents.

A butt plug. A Jesus butt plug.

See, Maria and I had a running joke after a white elephant gift a couple years prior. Every Christmas prior I’d give her a different themed butt plug.

Mixing up these gifts resulted in the most embarrassing situation I could have ever created with my boss. I, completely flustered and stuttering, promptly removed the offending gift from his desk and left.

“Maria, what am I going to do?”

Her inhale was cut off by my phone buzzing, the screen taken over by a different call. My boss. “Sorry, sorry, I have to go.”

I answered the call.

“Please excuse my language, but what the fuck did you try to give me today?”

”I..I”

”Because that was the funniest thing I’ve ever seen.”