Unrequited

a queer memo

I'm unsure how you think of me.
You make me second guess everything I say or do.
I'm afraid to hurt you even though I've been hurt countless times.
Maybe it is my fault to hide these feelings from you.
But how am I to rationally explain myself,
Without blurting, "I love you".
Does that excuse my pettiness?
Contradicting feelings brewing within.

Seems like it's easier for you to make plans with others now.
All the things I've wished to do, you followed through with others.
Well, as long as you're happy that's enough.
Do spare me your highlights.
Not sure if I can keep pretending to be happy.
If you catch my sadness, look the other way.
I wouldn't want your pity as well.

Thanks for the late night chats.
Thanks for giving me courage.
Thanks for your time.
Thanks for the memories.

Thanks for making empty promises.
Thanks for prioritizing others.
Thanks for ignoring me.
Thanks for making me feel left out.

I still adore you.
This time, from a distance.

Good goodbye,
The part of me that was in love with you