Melancholy Scribblings

Found in a notebook dated 1991. Apparently I was depressed over my non-existent love life.

Nothing is fair.
Nothing is free.
Nothing is perfect.
That's perfect for me.

No one is my best friend.
No place is my home.
Nowhere is my refuge.

I want to cast myself adrift
         on the blank and empty tide,
Wrap the void around me
         like a warm, dark blanket.

No wants or needs or hopes or dreams,
         just a deep and seamless sleep.

No more fighting, no more struggling,
         just surrender to oblivion.

Letting go of all perception,
         of thought, feeling, and consciousness.

The silence of eternal midnight,
         the stillness of the tomb.
Beyond care or pain,
         beyond desire and disappointment.

-------

Since these words were written more than 34 years ago, I obviously didn't give up and "chuck it all away" as they say. To quote Alexander Dumas in the Count of Monte Cristo: "It is necessary to have wished for death in order to know how good it is to live."