i hate you, i love you

The kind of love that breaks you.

leather beneath my fingers and a breeze in my hair,
you and i lost a game that was already unfair.
i hung tight to you, and you held on to me,
yet my grip loosened with a “Seriously?”

it’s not a sound my tongue could taste
my vocal cords were useless and left a waste.
the word never left the coves of my brain
but traveled to my fingers in a numbing pain.

my muscles relaxed, and I fell into you
but you rubbed my back like it’s nothing new.

Can’t you tell that I’m Angry!? Can you see that I’m Mad!?
i want to push you away; i feel stupid,
sad.

i hate you, i love you, and this stupid race.
i fight to put swirling emotions in place.
don't give me your jacket; it won't change a thing
i hate you’re the reason that i can’t think.