I've had it with Me

conflict with self

Life will point out to you those who are your enemies. Common sense, intuition, and even intelligence often fail in identifying people who are adversarial to you. Experience and learning from it is the best strategy, even though it is often the most painful.

I had been suspicious for a long time that I had been the target of personal attacks. It started gradually. But there had been too many “coincidences” where defeat was snatched from the jaws of victory at the last minute over the years.

I had begun to notice whenever I was thwarted that Me was there in the background. Almost always, what I heard from Me in those situations was an undermining of my self-confidence. “You should have paid closer attention, put in more effort, if only you were smarter......”
Of course, when I started to be irritated with Me, he put on a big show of sympathy, but always with the edge that I was to blame even though “I couldn't help it”.

The last straw was when I caught Me in a barefaced lie, I realized this was not the first time. I knew at that point that I couldn’t trust Me anymore. All the years of lies fell like dominoes in my mind.

I started being much more careful around Me. I did not share my thoughts and plans. I sensed a change in Me, immediately. Knowing I was on to him, at first Me tried to be more friendly, and failing in that stared complaining of being abused. All the complaints fell on deaf ears; I had learned my lesson.

While I still communicate with Me, now I do it entirely in writing. Documentation, at lest, reduced the impact of the distortions I was presented by Me. I have an inch-thick folder of proof that Me has been trying to undermine my efforts.

Me challenges my attempts to keep him under control. I just laugh and ignore his prodding. But I am on guard because Me is sneaky and will have his way given the smallest chance.