Lenni inside Upturn

A regular lady falls asleep and wakes up inside the world that she was reading about.

"The grotesque creature slowly revealed itself. The swampy water had appeared dangerous to Ali, to begin with. She was certain something nefarious lay in wait in the cloudy depths. She was even prepared to run from or battle whatever this wood had to offer her. She had made it this far, anyhow. But, as she saw the monster in its full glory, she wasn't so sure that she was prepared for what was to come."

"Hey babe! Would next weekend work for us to install the new lights in the living room?", yelled Mark. Fuck. The book was getting good and I was escaping in just the way I wanted, when my husband decided we should be adults and discuss adult things. I hated that. I think adult discussions are for daytime hours and do not get to enter my mind fortress after the hour of 6 pm.

As he enters the bedroom, I can tell that the death stare I have pasted on my face has hit its mark (pun unintended but welcomed). "Sorry babe. I didn't realize you were reading...", he says. This is true, I'm sure. But it is only true because he has not noticed that my daily routine is static.

--Lenni/mommy/wife/Eleanor wakes up at 6 am. Lenni puts on the same gray sweatpants (2 sizes too big because she bought them when she was pregnant) and gray hoodie that she thrifted years ago for a highschool basketball team out of California. Mommy starts the van so that we do not freeze to death on the way to daycare. Then mommy wakes up her two screaming toddler daughters, Ellie and Marni, and battles them to her near-demise in order to dress them. Mommy drops them off at daycare with their second, better mommy, Olga (this is not snark. She out-mommys me every day of the week and twice on Sundays). Eleanor then shows up to work 8 hours. Then Mommy picks up kids, makes dinner, puts the angels (this is snark) to bed. Wife talks with Mark and they hang out to watch tv or play video games or fuck. And then Lenni reads.--

"I don't care. That's fine about the lights. I'm quite literally never busy," I say with an honesty that is laden with humor. Mark nods understanding by the look on her face that she was being truthful and also that he should exit the room if he wants to keep his limbs. Mark walks to her side of the bed and plants a kiss on her forehead. "Sounds good. Enjoy!", he exclaims cheerfully on his way out. I smile to myself This is what marriage is. Mark understands that I am in my mind palace and is both deeply in love with me and also deeply afraid of me. I find that very cozy as i snuggle back under the covers and open my book.

I like this book so far but that doesn't mean she'll make it past the 50 page mark. So many books, as of late, have been good but not great for me. The real world is making its way into my heart in a way that makes it hard to focus on my escape route. Currently, the book auditioning to be my jester is called "Inside Upturn." It is another fantasy-horror young adult novel. I am not a young adult, at the age of 34, but I do find YA to be the easiest genre to take a bite out of and maybe even make a whole meal for the soul if I get lucky.

"Ali takes a deep breath and makes the choice. Every battle that she engages in is a decision. A question from Upturn that asks 'Can you withstand this obstacle thats been hurled at you?' Ali wasn't much. A 17 year old girl from a nothing town on the outskirts of the realm. But she was ready. Ali was always ready."

Fuck, again. Sometimes YA could get corny and I'm getting that feeling here. I drop the library book on the bed and exclaim "Why would a 17 year old girl be equipped to fight a swamp creature? Does Ali even have a fucking sword, book?" The book doesn't answer me, of course. It sits innocently on my duvet as if to say *read me and you'll see* with a wink and a smile. I stare at the book cover with a scowl. I will see if I am drawn to pick it back up tomorrow night, I suppose, giving up on this potential escape for the night. I put the book on my nightstand, take my adhd meds, and turn out the light. I never feel the weight of my husband joining me in bed, during my slumber. In my dream brain, i find that odd but perhaps he fell asleep on the couch watching golf again.

Sometime later, i feel moisture hit my face. If the ceiling is leaking, i am going to need to smoke weed about this, I think before i open my eyes. It must be before 6 am because I wasn't ripped from sleep by my iphone alarm. I open my eyes to find that I am not in my bed. I am not in my room. I am not even in my house. I am lying outside. What the fuck?

I sit up and squint in the dim light that I assume is sunrise. I look around to see who's yard I must have sleep walked into. What I see is not a lawn I recognize from my neighborhood. I don't think this is a lawn at all. Instead, this is some kind of forest. It is also not a forest that I recognize from my town. I know this to be true because it is January and we live in Minnesota. I am in THIS forest with just my pajamas on and though it is raining, I am not freezing to death. I take in my surroundings. I am in a field surrounded by trees. The trees do not look like any that I have ever seen. Their trunks are twisty and gnarled. The trunks are also a deep gray blue. I didn't know that trees could have trunks that color. I look at the leaves and understand all at once that I am having a psychotic break. There are not leaves on these trees. There are fluffy feathers. Underneath me is a deep green moss all over the forest floor. And surrounding me are Dr Suess-ass trees. "MARK?" I yell. I don't know why though. Mark would never be in a place like this. He is sensible and adult and this place doesn't make the kind of sense that Mark exists in. I do hear a rustling behind me, though. "Probably wasn't the best plan to immediately call attention to yourself, lenni" I admonish myself.

I turn my head slowly toward the rustling I hear. Behind me, I find two individuals. One is a blonde teen girl. She wears a blue dress and a curious expression. Beside her, is a rabbit standing on its hind legs and wearing a suit coat. His expression (is this a he rabbit???? fuck, im going nuts) is one of ancient understanding.

Rabbit speaks first. "Welcome." he says to me. "You speak... fucking English? Is this a dream?" I half say-half scream to the strange rabbit. "Well of course he does, lady. Everyone speaks English in upturn. Where are you from?" the teenager says, annoyed with my questions like a teenager. I snarl at the kid. "I am from Maplewood. Minnesota. Don't talk to me like that, kid. And did you say Upturn?" These cartoon characters share a look that I dont understand. "Yes, madam. This world is Upturn. My name is Lord Remmington." says the talking god damned rabbit. "Lenni", I throw at them before continuing "Am I high?" "Lady, you are on the ground. Obviously." thrown back at me with an eyeroll for style from the teen. She stares at me seriously for a moment, arms crossed over her blue dress. She has bow headband to hold her long blonde hair back. She looks pretty beat up and dirty for a young girl wearing a dress. "And I'm Ali. Can you get up please because if you don't you are going to die and I don't have time to deal with that." And then I scream laugh. I guffaw and snort for a full 60 seconds before I stand up from the ground and brush off my plaid sleep pants. I think that I have lost my fucking mind. Lenni/mommy/wife/Eleanor has finally lost her shit.