Quid Pro Quo

A whacko has, what he thinks, is the perfect Valentine's Day gift for his girlfriend.

Written especially for "The Dialogue 500" 
PROMPT: A man loves his girlfriend so much he literally rips out his heart and gives it to her.


“When’s Valentine’s Day?”

“February fourteenth.”

“Yeah, I know it’s the fourteenth, but what day? You know, Monday? Tuesday? Wednesday? What day?”

“Saturday.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah. It’s the first Saturday after Super Bowl Sunday. Why you ask?”

“Because I love you so much, I was thinking of giving you what Sam gave Jane last year for Valentine’s Day. And I wanted to be sure it’s fresh when you received it.”

“Your heart! You want to give me your heart for Valentine’s Day! Don’t be stupid. Just because Sam loved Jane so much he ripped out his heart and gave it to her, doesn’t mean it was a good idea. Think about it: Sam died heartless leaving Jane with a broken heart. There’s a million better ways to show your love than ripping out your heart.”

“You don’t want my heart?”

“I already have your heart and you have mine. Both are tied together with a red ribbon.”

“Yeah, but having the real thing to hold in your hands has to be better than it being stuck in my chest.”

“Okay, Stupid, rip out your heart. But if you do, we’re through. And as for your love gift, I’ll feed it to Fred.”

“You’d do that: feed my heart to a dog?”

“Yeah! Trust me! I’ll even sprinkle it with your favorite: Parmesan cheese.”

“Parmesan! You know I hate Parmesan!”

“Too bad! You better come up with a better Valentine gift, or so help me, Fred’s bowl will be filled with your Parmesan cheese-laden heart”.

“Okay, I won’t rip out my heart if you promise me if I do, you won’t sprinkle it with Parmesan.”

“I’ll think about it.”

WC: 277