Escaping Reality - Someday

Escaping Reality - Someday

I spent most of that day wondering what mum wanted to talk to me about, part of me wondered if I had done something wrong but somehow, I knew this was more than that. I couldn’t quite place what exactly gave me that idea but it kinda looked like whatever was bothering mum was big, bigger than me and her combined. It wasn’t too hard to stay up and wait for her to get home, it’s not like half nine is really that late, even if it is a school night, she knows where I’ll be, she always knows, she’s my mum. Sure enough just after half nine I heard the door open downstairs as mum got home and then she closed it so quietly, she always does that just in case I’m sleeping, but she knows I won't be. As mum started making her way upstairs, I said night to Paisley and turned off our game and waited for mum to appear in my doorway, but she was slower than normal? Like she was thinking to herself as she slowly reached my door, she looked happy enough, but I guess her afterwork drink with Paisley’s dad helps with that.

Soon enough she crept through my doorway with her gentle smile ready and her eyes slowly blinking as she saw me sitting waiting for her “How was your night?” she uttered gently as she came in “Did you and Paisley?” I just nodded gently “Fine and we did, how was yours?” a cheeky grin fell on her face as I giggled “How was Paisley’s dad?” Mum looked at me with such a childish smile and sighed contently “He was fine” Mum's sweet smile made me pleased. It was good to finally see her find someone that didn’t think of me as baggage that was in their way to win my mum's heart. Mum eased herself down in front of me and smiled to herself “You know maybe someday we won't just be hanging out on Wednesday nights anymore” I felt her words tease my heart and touched her hand as she uttered softly “Then maybe you and Paisley will get the ending you both want?” she looked at me, those gentle purple eyes glistening as I smiled back “I’m sure she would like being here with us”.

Mum fell oddly quiet and let out a soft breath as she composed herself as I asked, “So what did you want to talk about?” Mum took a slow deep breath and looked deeply into my eyes but I could see she was struggling to really talk as I grew concerned and leaned to touch her hand, she let out a single tear “I need to talk to you about the end” mum paused as I whimpered “But why?” and fell into shock as she shrugged “Me and Evelyn aren’t getting any younger and we see the things that Scorpio and Isla are doing and we know it’s time for us to step aside and let you take the lead” Mum wasn’t enjoying telling me but she persevered fighting back her sorrow all the same “We both realise that whether we like it or not, it’s time for us to end and someone else to take the lead and start a new chapter”.

Mum fell silent as I listened and absorbed what she was telling me as I welled up “But I don’t want it to be the end…” Mum leaned closer and laid her hand upon mine “Look at me Savena” her soft voice teasing me to look into those purple eyes filled with such deep love “No one wants it to be the end but the thing is that someday you will wear that orange shirt for the last time, you’ll wear those goggles one final time before they collect dust as a memory on a shelf, you will save your favourite game one last time and never go back to it” Mum paused composing herself as she sighed gently “Someday you and Paisley will say goodbye one final time. The thing is Savena that there is no infinity or eternity, just fading time and not anywhere near enough of it, so you have to enjoy those things before they are gone. One day though you will look back and while you wished something lasted forever the true value of it only becomes obvious because what little time you had, you savoured every second of it”. Mum paused with an oddly chirpy giggle as she smiled “Cherished memories are only cherished because they didn’t last forever but that’s what makes them so precious” she paused again as I looked into her eyes “Remember when you first came home? How angry I got because they lost your socks” I welled up remembering and mumbled through tears “I remember you yelling at the receptionist for losing them” Mum chuckled back “Good job I was boss of that place huh kid?”.

Mum fell silent again looking at me and let out a deep breath “Whoo, that was heavy!” she giggled and readied herself again “You know that a new lead means a big change and there’s something I need you to do for me Savena” I looked at her, I could see she was nervous, I’d never seen mum be nervous to ask me anything as I nodded “Okay” She took a deep breath and composed herself “Ready?” she winked at me as I shook my head “Me neither” as she held out her notebook “I need you to write this one” I looked at her in disbelief as she held her notebook out and offered it to me “But mum, I don’t know how” I paused before adding in disbelief “I fucked up my own story?” Mum shrugged “Yes you did, but there is no one else I trust to write this one for me?” I couldn’t believe what she was truly asking as she kept her hand out “But what if I mess it up, I don’t want you to be ashamed of me?”.

Mum shrugged “Who am I meant to ask Evelyn?” Mum paused “Yeah right!” raising a single eyebrow before giggling “Like I want Japanese sailors doing backflips or whatever other shit she’s been watching online being featured in every chapter…” mum paused as I giggled “She would do that wouldn’t she?” Mum just nodded “She would” Mum paused and took a deep slow breath as she asked “Savena I need you to write this story for me because I can’t bring myself to write a story about the end of me” she paused as a sly grin rose on my lips and she winked wryly “Even if I sail off into the sunset with Paisley’s dad” I knew that if mum was masking her sadness with humour then this wasn’t just big to her, it meant everything to her. I looked at her notebook jittering in her fingers as she tried to mask her feelings as I sighed "Will you help me if I get stuck?” mum nodded contently as I drew a slow breath “All right, just don’t blame me if it’s shit” mum smiled gently as she leaned forwards and hugged me so tightly, whispering “It won’t”.

Mum didn’t need to tell me how much it all meant to her, I already knew, I’d seen her spend nights awake thinking about it all. Tormenting her dreams when she was awake or asleep, it was the unsung and unseen side of what she did, the part of it all people had no idea existed, the true toll of passion and sacrifice. Mum’s hug felt like it lasted forever as her cheeks pressed into mine, learning to let go was the hardest thing she had ever been faced with but the bravest decision she would make. She slowly rose, gently looking at me with tears drying on her cheeks as she left me with her notebook, ready to tell her final tale. Just as she reached my door, she took one final glance at me uttering “Savena” her voice softened to lure my attention “Nothing you could do would ever make me ashamed of you”. Mum didn’t stop as she walked quietly to her room, I should have gone to see if she was okay, but I knew she needed time alone, nothing could prepare her for the moment when her time would come and in truth, me neither. I looked at her notebook, the blank pages all ready to be filled apart from one single line on the very first page.

“Escaping Reality, a story about writing stories”.

Thanks mum.