Desperate For Acceptance

For people who love feeling accepted and do things that may be dumb just to.

Did things I wasn't 100 % percent comfortable with,
and I thought I didn't care,
but that was a myth.
I convinced myself that what I was doing was okay,
but it really wasn't by the end of the day.
Felt good to feel accepted,
but I was only feeling tempted.
In the end, I hurt myself.
I really need to work on my mental health.
People pleasing is hard,
But what's worse it my real feelings being in disregard.
Telling people the truth on how I feel, isn't something I do,
because I don't want to be viewed, as "rude".
It feels as if there's water in my throat and eyes,
Being swayed by the chaotic ocean tide,
on a crazy ride.
I know deep down I deserve more,
but I just continue to self deplore,
instead of explore.
Wanna write out my thoughts in a certain way,
forcing myself to not take breaks,
and break my brain till it breaks.
Poems are the only place it feels I can be vulnerable like this,
And it honestly, doesn't get better than this.
I'm an open book,
take a look.
Called sensitive, too angry, but at least I can be a crybaby,
and not shy away or act shady, with my feelings.
Feels like I'm always looking up at ceilings.