Every now and then

This is something for the one I love the most on this planet.

          Hello, my name is Samuel and I'm taking a minute or two or ten to tell you about how even someone like me can find the person who's perfect for them. Now obviously I didn't just find her she was a gift from heaven, that's the only proper way to explain what happened.

          You see I was a pretty horrible person before I got sober, I'm actively in recovery now. I'm not saying I've just miraculously become this great person because my faults are numerous, and that's being kind. I met Erica through a friend who actually told me to look her up on Facebook and give her a shout. Well when I looked her up I was shocked to see that she was absolutely stunning. Don't know why I was shocked, but I was. Naturally I sent her a message only to be ignored for months. I'm sure at that point she was getting messages everyday from hopeful and even possibly eager suitors. So me being as egotistical as I am I became kind of resentful by hurt was probably the basis for those feelings. Like who does she think she is blowing me off, doesn't she know I'm hot shit?

After three long months I finally get a message and it wasn't even like a hey whats up? It was me like how do I know you and how do you know oh boy and what do you want? Yet another blow to the old ego. Being my charming self I was able to get a conversation out of her and then another and another. See at this point we were both sober. She was in a treatment center and I was in a work release program and neither one of us were supposed to have our phones. Did that stop us? No chance. We talked for eight hours a day, everyday. We were falling in love over the phone. Then I really messed up.

         I knew I was falling in love with the most incredible person, I didn't quite know how amazing she was at this point but since then I figured out just how extraordinary she truly is. Anyways I told her that I was gonna make one last effort to make it work with my daughter's mom and that I couldn't talk to her in the same fashion that we've been talking. She was a little hurt, I don't think she cared as much as I think she did in my head. Hopefully that makes sense. So we lost contact for awhile and by the grace of God we reconnected a couple years later.

         I know that sounds great and all but to be honest it really wasn't. We were both in the throes of addiction and if you know about addiction you know those relationships are toxic to Nth degree. So we fight, we break up, we make up, we do it all over again and again. She could've left me a thousand times for the dumb shit I've done. I've been abusive emotionally and mentally and sad to say it even physically. I've accused her of things that weren't real and I've blamed her for things she didn't do. There's no joy in telling this. I'm just trying to explain how truly lucky I am. She's stuck by me while we had everything and she stayed even when we had nothing.

          There are a million men who would give up everything to have a chance to be with the one I have. I don't know why she chose me or why she stayed with me, all I do know is that if you're given a gift from heaven don't mess it up like I almost did. Don't take for granted your blessings. I'm not saying that our relationship is picture perfect now but I'm doing my best to show her that she is the love of my life. For a long time I questing what my purpose in life was but I think God put me here to love this woman and even if I've failed for the first part of it I'm determined to finish during. She deserves only the best of me, I've already given her the worst and she's stayed. Which is a miracle in its own right.

         I guess all I'm really trying to do is give someone, heck anyone some hope that no matter what you've done or what you've gone through you deserve to be loved. Just don't be too stubborn to accept it, you might push away the person He built especially for you. I know I almost did. Thank God she's just as stubborn as I am. She may not be perfect to everyone, which is crazy, but she is to me and for me. It's crazy how good things can be when we accept the gifts that have been given to us.

          Baby, I love you more than I ever thought I could anything. Thank you for being everything I've ever needed exactly when I needed it. More today than yesterday less than tomorrow. I love you