(1)

Performing for a notification that never feels like enough - 86 words

I hate the way I care.
The way I arrange myself to be received.
The way I script every text and curate every word.

Press send once it stops sounding like me.

I hate the silence that follows.
The way the (1) that breaks it is never from the one I hoped for.

Refresh.

I hate this exhausting loop of performing for an audience that isn't looking.
The way absence becomes my cue to keep rehearsing.
The way I hear applause in the scraps of attention.



Optional feedback questions:
1. Was the emotional situation clear, or did it feel too abstract?
2. Did the repetition of “I hate…” and “The way…” work for you, or did it become too repetitive?
3. Was “(1)” clear as a visual notification marker, or did it read like a placeholder/typo?
4. Did the piece feel emotionally honest, or too dramatic?
Thank you!