Being the "2nd" is tiring.

about me in academics.

Have you experienced to be.. in second place?

Where you're that close onto securing that spot for you, but then - someone secures that spot you're aiming.
Worse-case scenario for that?

That someone is close to you.

Friend.
Sibling.
Cousin.
Even a stranger.

In no time, I've formed an invisible barrier toward that "someone".
When they thought that - I am their friend they can rely on, and anything.
They're wrong. Unfortunately.
I am unlikely competitive on the surface, but - they don't know.. I compete against them silently.

In a way.. they don't see it coming.