BeastTalk App

The Doc has a rethink about speaking animals

How’s the study coming along Doc?

'Thanks for asking professor. I do believe I’ve just about cracked the code.'

Is it going to be available to the general populace?

'Yes I’ve developed an app. It’s called BeastTalk.

Can I see how it works?

'Sure Prof. As you can see it’s quite user friendly, a little like the translation apps but better.'
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So, anyone will be able to understand animal language?

'That’s the plan. Look I’ll show you how it works using Sammy the chimp.'

He looks rather angry if you don’t mind me saying.

'Oh that means nothing, it’s just his facial expression. He’s excited because it’s lunch time.'

How do you know?

'Because he told me just before you arrived.'

Mmm. I’d like to know if that’s what he's really thinking.

'Ok. First, I need him to make a sound to put into the app, see.'

He’s a big boy isn’t he?

'Oh yes, chimpanzees are very strong, but highly intelligent. Hi Sammy, can you say something?. Tell me what are you thinking?’

Something is happening. Why is he jumping up and down like that?

'Are you ready to hear what he's really thinking? Here goes.'

For crying out loud Doc, what does a chimp have to do to get a feed around here?

'See professor. It works! Not just for chimps but for every other animal.'

It’s amazing, Doc. Give the guy a bunch of bananas before he starves to death.

"He hid the bananas. I watched where he put them. Don't trust him professor, he stole my fruit yesterday."

That's amazing. He sounds real!'

"Real? That’s very patronising. Old man!"

This is going to revolutionise the way we humans can understand all creatures. They'll let us know what the need, their thoughts, their feelings'

"Why do you humans wear clothes, you look ridiculous and very uncomfortable, Professor."

That's very rude!'

"You're looking at me strangely. Are we friends or are we fighting?"

He's very forthright, isn't he?

"You don't need to ask the Doc. If you have something to say, spit it out, Prof.

I'm not sure I like his tone

'Yes, perhaps giving them a voice and an opinion might not be a great idea after all.'

"I've only just found my voice and you're thinking of pulling the pin?"

'Yeah, sorry Sammy,, there are enough big mouths in the world without the animals spouting their views.'

"Don't you even thi...

'There, that's better. Let's keep this to ourselves Professor. I don't think the world is quite ready for the BeastTalk App.'

It never happened.