Dirt Shakespearean sonnet

This is a Shakespearean sonnet about dirt.

Wiggle me boots! Tickle me fingers, now!
I'm so dirty that the sun cannot rise!
I told my brother not to have a cow.
This is reality, I would surmise.

I will never take a shower! Not one!
I'll never go in that thing! Not one time!
Could you check if the braised chicken is done?
Smudging those feathers would be a just crime!

I'll never wash! I'll never sing again!
Don't even ask me where I got this limp.
Now we seem to be coming to the end.
You'll never see this much dirt on a blimp!

Shake it until it comes off, my old friend.
I've got some pork pies and hot dogs to send...