I am chocking as Time marches forward

I sadly choose to sit as the water in my mind rises around me.

Its always so quite in here staring at this mirror making everything seem blue tragic and full of despair.The mirror Once appeared clearer on the other side, it told me things would be better and I fell for it I truly did. I let MY mind think something was weighing me down when in reality it was the words that I let float to the top of my mind that reek and spread poisonis rot throughout my mind leaving my body lagging ,foggy ,achy filled with despair. These words create cages I am afraid to escape from because they say the world is dangerous and I will die ,but thats a fallacy as the world will one day kill me regardless yet it is the DESPAIR in the matter than causes the strings to take control of my mind. I can't escape the control it promises at the cost of so much. I am so lost in the decisions I have the opertunitys before me the great things people say I can do if I try when in fact I feel only insignifint a fraud, past words past arguments haunting me tauning me ,is suffocating me.

I do my best to loosen the threads but it just gets harder and harder to unravel. Each time I fix it comes crashing down harder and harder. I want to stop crashing stop closing off stop isolating letting poisons and rot breaking my mind ,but it IS not this simple and never will be. It's a conundrum the poisons ,the fires ,the thoughts even my shadow they can't leave me alone all they want to do is bring me down destroy me. When will it be enough? Why hasn't it been enough? I have done nothing but try ,and it all leads to the same place. the loneliness of a black screen the void in my eyes as I stare it this forsaken mirror its CHOCKING my resolve eroding it away.

You know if you think about it is always dark in the mind causing light never sees it not normally at least. Sometime this is what I imagine it being the joker insanity taking hold as it consumes you as you look to find reason in madness. Sometimes I wonder if I am the problem ,I guess truthfully I am from certain points of view but who at this point even is ME if I don't hate myself.