Why I Got To Live But Not Them

Remembering my childhood, the friends I lost, while pouring it all out to God.

    Dear God,

I want to talk about my friends,
Are you taking good care of them?

I still can't remember but I'm sure I cried,
when in 1980 Greg died.
 
I was barely a teen. I understand now,
being God you have your reason.
After forty~seven years I don't
question your plan when it comes
to the affairs of mere man.

Will we still be friends?
Will we still be neighbors?

These certain things make me think
and I try, I really try, yet still I often wonder...

Why I got to grow up
and he had to die?

Will questions be answered
when I finally arrive? Will my life
make more sense?

I just really miss him
ever since that day in
Spring, when I was forced to
grow up with an empty place
inside my heart. I think that
was the hardest part.

He lost his life when he
fell into the rushing waters
of the melting snow which
washed him down and
pinned him under a giant
stone.

God I want to jump into the
river one day and swim with
Greg in your Heavenly Stream.

I know all I need to do is ask
for it in your Son's Holy name.
For this is a method on which
I can rely.

I also know exactly why
your Son had to die.


April too was another
friend lost. She was so young
that was the worse part,
leaving another empty place
hollow in my heart.

Audrey died young as well,
in a crash on the same damn
mountainside. No wonder the
hole in my heart is so wide.

And again I ask why, God,
Did these ones die when
I got to live? Were these
tragedies merely a lesson
to give, in exchange, in
order that another may
learn, live and thrive?

And if the one that  died
was me, would they be
wondering the same thing?

God, I know life is a gem.
I wonder if I'll ever know
the reason I lived and not them.

God, I hope I get to find my
long lost friend Purphy
somewhere in your beautiful
home in the sky.

It's been so very long since
they passed on.

Have they watched me
grow up or not even noticed?

I still remember them. I so
often think of them and what
they might be doing up
there with you, while I
breathe on trying to feel
like the lucky one.

Will they tell me "Hey it
was me that kept you
and your kids safe today."?
I guess that would give
me a clue of why I lived
but God took you.

God I want you to help
me see how death and life
are a double blessing, we
have already won.

I want to see the whole wide
world believe in Your Son.
8-12-2023