No Returns!

Giving a unique birthday gift to the SM

"What...what is this?"

"It's my gift to you. For your birthday. You thought I forgot, didn't you?"

"I can't accept this..."

"Of course you can. I've got plenty more at home, if that's what you're worried about."

"No, it's not that. I just...you don't gift—"

"I know it's unusual but I figured I'd get you something unique. Everyone else is going to give you gift cards or underwear—"

"Underwear?"

"Or socks. Had to think outside the box, y'know?"

"But this! This is probably illegal."

"Psh. I doubt it. It's my minion, after all. I can do what I want with it. And this one is almost fully grown and ready to serve a new, ahem, storymaster. He can help you around the house. Lift heavy things and whatnot."

"Why is it digging through my fridge?"

"Oh. Um, probably looking for leftover birthday cake. Or candy. Or ice cream...basically anything with sugar. You'll need to stock up on sweet goodies to feed him or else..."

"I'm almost afraid to ask."

"Nothing to fear but fear itself...ask away!"

"Fine. 'Or else' what?"

"Oh, he'll turn into a raging monster."

"Oh."

"Anyway, gotta go—"

"Wait...!"

"No returns! Happy Birthday!"