A story about Elves protecting their homes. Being published in Jellybean February 2003
|Englebert the Elf
Englebert the Elf, who was known as Eng to his friends, leapt onto his motorised fungus, called Mushvrooms by the locals, thrust it into first gear and sped off towards the Petunia Patch where he lived.
This beautiful place is full of pretty flowers. There were flowerpots laying about on their sides.
These are used as storage areas for the special honey supply that the local bees leave for them.
It is the secret dwelling place of elves.
It is called the Homestead by all those who live there, and in fact, by all those who know of it. It is a peaceful, happy place to live.
With Eng's permission, we too, shall call it by its special name.
Eng had been in the meadow making his usual morning tour of all the known fungi growing areas. His job was to keep track of how many of these superfast Mushvrooms were being made and sold.
In the middle of this very important task, Eng saw humans.......... humans in the distance.
This scary sight made him take off as fast as his Mushvroom would go.
Elves have always had a fear of humans, mainly because of their size.
They can cause such devastation with their gigantic feet.
What these monsters do not realise Eng explained, is that what seems like a small mound of earth to them, could be the most treasured of homes to an elf or small creature of the ground.
One foot on this and total destruction ensues.
This particular day was worse than any other. These humans were not only trampling over the meadow, endangering lives and property, but they were actually picking the fungi up and putting them in baskets they were carrying.
How depraved……………..how disgustingly callous thought Eng as he jumped off his zooped-up, 25 raindrop capacity mushvroom and ran as quickly as possible into Mayor Elf's chambers.
Now Mayor Elf was a pompous little chap…..so fat that he could hardly walk, with an enormous pointed nose that seemed to get bigger every time Eng saw him…..and huge feet. 'Getting on for the size of humans feet' Eng thought.
He was not a very good Mayor, but the elfelections were not for some time to come and there was no way of relieving Mayor Elf of his post until then.
After Eng had blurted out what was happening in the meadow, Mayor Elf did a strange thing.
He leapt off his toadstool chair and flew down the stairs to summon the help of the Elf Brigade.
Never before had this rotund little elf been seen to move so quickly. Eng was so surprised that he was rooted to the floor.
The general alarm was sounded by the Civil Elfence Corps charging through the streets blowing their blades of grass.
Elves appeared from everywhere. Big ones, little ones, short ones, tall ones, thin ones, men, women and children.
They gathered, as was practise in an emergency, in the town square to hear what their leader had to say.
Amid groans and sighs and shouts of rebellion, Mayor Elf explained the problem.
The Homestead was on the brink of war.
Strategic moves were now necessary and the men were asked to meet in the Civil Elfence Corps' rooms to plan an attack on the humans.
Homesteaders had never before been called on to perform such an undertaking and they were not at all sure how to go about it.
Eventually, after a lot of discussion, it was decided to call the only people able to help in such a situation……………The Fairies of Humble Pie Dwellings.
A messenger was sent post-haste and within a matter of a few minutes, a swarm of Fairies was seen on the distant horizon approaching rapidly.
As they touched down in the square, a cheer went up from the waiting elves and they all greeted each other, by bowing low to the ground and touching heads, as was the custom.
After the welcome, came the serious business of the day. The elves and fairies went back to the conference room. Two hours passed. The elves and fairies emerged into the square looking rather pleased with themselves.
Mayor Elf announced they had come to a unanimous decision as to the strategy to be employed.
Peaceful means only were to be used. No war, no fighting, no-one was to be hurt.
Elves and fairies are extremely gentle creatures and are not inclined to any sort of violence.
Fairies are logical thinkers and elves can be……..how shall we put it……elves can be rather mischievious.
Motorised fungi….mushvrooms…..were to be used.
Mushvrooms with remote controls.
These were to be placed in the meadow, so when the humans tried to pick them, they would remove themselves ( with the help of course, of the Homesteaders and the fairies ) hopefully leaving the humans wondering what was going on.
This all sounded wonderful in theory , but now they had to put it into practise.
Everyone assisted in this venture.
The factories worked non-stop for 12 hours.
Everything had to be ready for dawn, as this was the favourite time for humans to go on their prowls.
All through the night the elves and fairies worked, planting the mushvrooms and testing that the automation was working.
Dawn broke and with great apprehension the little people waited for the first humans to appear.
Then came the message………………..Humans had been sighted.
The earth rumbled its disagreement at being trodden on at such an early hour of the day and " Mushvroom Scramble " as the operation had been named, came into force.
There were elves stationed at strategic points in the meadow, sending back progress reports, fairies worked the radar and remote control bases.
Then……….the first human bent to pick a fungus. It moved. Not much, but it moved.
The human seemed a trifle bewildered but not put off.
They continued to stoop, with the hope of procuring the delectable Agaricus campestris for their breakfasts.
" Mushvroom Scramble Full Force " came the order and the controllers throttled full.
The mushvrooms took off at a tremendous speed and flew round and round the now terrified humans. Apart from the sounds of the mushvrooms motors and the yells from the fleeing humans, all that could be heard was the laughter from the little people.
That was this morning. After much jollity, jubilation and celebration the fairies flew home to " Humble Pie Dwellings " and the elves went back to the " Homestead " to rest.
Just in case humans returned at dawn tomorrow they all need to prepare for another seige. That means another long night ahead of them, but for a while, peace reigns in the " Homestead ".