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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/729343-The-End
Rated: 18+ · Draft · Fantasy · #729343
First draft of a story, I know it needs work but would like some feedback.
Suddenly I am feeling a sharp pain in my stomach. Time starts to slow, my sword slips from my hands and I reach towards my stomach. As my leaden arms move I see her reach for me but ever so slowly. My hands are halfway there but my vision seems to be dimming. I can still see her, she has turned and is trying to reach, but moving ever so slowly. My hands have now reached my stomach, there is the shaft of an arrow there, I’ve been shot. My vision is worsening and I can feel my legs beginning to give out underneath me. She is still moving towards me but seems to be further away. Oh God, the two behind her are about to strike! I open my mouth to call out a warning but my mouth is full, what is in my mouth? The two blades strike and she collapses her hand reaching out towards me. Salty, whatever is in my mouth is salty. My vision has almost totally gone, its getting o dark. Blood, my mouth is full of blood. Everything is stopping, everything has gone so…

I can hear one of them approaching, making enough noise to be heard. They don’t want me to think they’re keeping an eye on me after all, but they are. I keep filling the water bottles. It’ll be her, they know she can reach me more than the rest of them. It won’t do any good though. Nothing will make me stop now till this is done. It’s the only thing I care about any more. Once its done, hell I don’t know what I’ll do.
“We think you should go back, let the rest of us go on and finish it.”
I’m not going to reply.
“You’ve lost enough already, go, we’ll finish it don’t risk yourself.”
Again I don’t reply.
“How many lives will we lose doing this? Please turn back.”
I still don’t react. I sense her hand reach out towards me, but then she pulls back and walks away without another word.

I give her time to reach the others then slowly make my own way back. As I approach I can hear them talking.
“He won’t go back, I told you wouldn’t”
“Well at least we tried”.
I walk in without a word and pick up my things. I head off along the track, secure in the belief that they will follow me. Sure enough they do. I’m in the lead, then the twins, then Sarah and Jack, then Will, and she’s bringing up the area, as far away from me as she can get I might point out.

We don’t talk as we move, the men we are following are dangerous, very dangerous. There’s six of us now but there was ten. The others have fallen along the way. We move carefully, always aware of what is going on around us. Hopefully we won’t get caught out by them again. Suddenly my senses come alert, something is wrong.

No bird song, that’s what it is. No birdsong. I motion the others down. We must be careful.

Will is too slow suddenly he seems to sprout three arrows and he drops to the ground. A group of swordsmen run towards us. As I draw my sword I throw my dagger and take one of them in the throat, he drops soundlessly. Then they’re upon us. Sarah and Jack are backed up against a tree holding their own. Even as I look around the twins find each other and fall into their complimentary style of fighting. She is alone, but seems okay for now. I find myself faced by two of them. I feint low and take the first through the throat. The second is a better bladesman and he’s managed to cut my arm. I fight on, I don’t care about my own pain. Finally I kill him and look around. It’s getting tricky, John and James are back to back surrounded by a group of them, fighting desperately. I alone am not facing one of them at the moment. I must go and help them. A scream sounds to the side. I spin and see Jack falling, a spray of blood flying from the cut across his face. Sarah is by his side, alone. I take a few steps in that direction but it is too late, she is struck from behind and falls across Jack. Lying atop of him, their final embrace in death is a sick parody of the love they shared in life. I spin back, I must at least help John and James. The twins are still standing, both are now covered in cuts, but I can still reach them in time. Without warning they both start to jerk strangely, now they fall to the ground and I can make out the arrows that killed them. Its only me and her now, another one of the men comes at me. I duck his blade and stab my own sword into his stomach, twisting it into his guts. As I kick him free of my blade I see her struggling against two of the men. A third, an archer is behind her lining up a shot. I scream a warning and charge forward. The archer spins and looses his arrow at me.

Suddenly I am feeling a sharp pain in my stomach. Time starts to slow, my sword slips from my hands and I reach towards my stomach. As my leaden arms move I see her reach for me but ever so slowly. My hands are halfway there but my vision seems to be dimming. I can still see her, she has turned and is trying to reach, but moving ever so slowly. My hands have now reached my stomach, there is the shaft of an arrow there, I’ve been shot. My vision is worsening and I can feel my legs beginning to give out underneath me. She is still moving towards me but seems to be further away. Oh God, the two behind her are about to strike! I open my mouth to call out a warning but my mouth is full, what is in my mouth? The two blades strike and she collapses her hand reaching out towards me. Salty, whatever is in my mouth is salty. My vision has almost totally gone, its getting o dark. Blood, my mouth is full of blood. Everything is stopping, everything has gone so…

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