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Rated: ASR · Appendix · Sports · #902027
for those who need them....
NOTE : The following definitions should prove useful for those of you who don't know the game of golf and aren't familiar with the terminology. It will also provide alternate definitions for those of you who don't like the real ones...

*Bullet* mulligan- noun; any extra stroke taken by a player, but not counted in the total at the end of the round. This most commonly occurs right after a player has hit his ball into the trees, the water, or 10 yards in front of him/her, prompting the player to exclaim, "Oh, damn it all! I'm taking a mulligan!" It's against PGA rules to play a mulligan, but it is frequently played in less formal amateur games. Mulligan is also the name of a tasty Irish stew.

*Bullet* stroke- noun; any one hit on the ball; from tee box to the hole, anytime the ball is struck by the club. - verb to caress gently, as in "to stroke a player's damaged ego." A stroke is also a medical condition that can be brought on by playing horrible golf.

*Bullet*bogey- noun; one over par. If the particular hole one is playing is a Par 4 and it takes 5 strokes to finish the hole... he/she scores a bogey. The term "bogey" can also be used to describe an errant ball heading in from an adjacent fairway about to hit someone in the head, prompting playing partners to yell, "Bogey! Incoming! 3 oclock!"

*Bullet*fairway- noun; the long stretch of nicely trimmed grass stretching from the tee box to the putting surface. It is almost always the most ideal place to land your ball on the way to the hole. Sometimes the "fairway" is brown, hard packed or riddled with rocks and other unfriendly obstacles, prompting players to wonder why it's called a "FAIR-way".

*Bullet*tee-box- noun; the square or rectangular area at the beginning of each hole. This is the only area on a golf course where players are permitted to put the ball up on a small wooden or plastic stick, raising it anywhere from half an inch to 2 inches above the ground to make it easier to hit. Contrary to popular belief, a tee box has nothing to do with an English picnic basket.

*Bullet*flagstick, pin- noun; a small flag on a stick marking the hole beneath it so golfers have something to aim for when they are still far away from the putting surface. The flags are usually color-coded to denote their position on the putting surface, whether it's front, back or middle.

*Bullet*the green- noun; the smooth, meticulously trimmed grass around the flagstick and cup. It is also the color that rises up your neck when you become envious of your opponent's score compared to your own.

*Bullet*hole, cup- noun; the small receptacle that you must eventually tap your ball into 18 times during the course of a full round. It's about two and half balls in diameter and has a magnetic field around it to deflect balls that appear to be heading straight for it.

*Bullet*birdie- noun; one under par. All professional golfers strive to accomplish this on every hole they play, prompting them to exclaim, "Yahoo! I made a birdie!" Which is in no way a reference to Origami, the Japanese art of paper folding.

*Bullet*threesome, foursome- noun; three or four golfers all playing together. Golf is a civilized sport. The other known sleazy interpretations do not exist on the golf course. Yeah, it's disappointing, I know. Get your head out of the gutter.

*Bullet*putt, putts, putting, putted- verb, noun; the act of tapping the ball from the green so that it (hopefully) rolls into the hole. Putting has nothing to do with passing wind or farting. Remember, golf is a dignified sport and having the vapors on the course can kill the pretty green grass.

~to be continued. Definitions to come include:

ball in hand
lip out
worm burner

more punishment? ---> "The Fire Burning

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