Going Under

At first u have to think about the meaning.. but it becomes clearer as u get near the end.

As I hold myself under
I curse your name,
And I know that nothing
Will ever be the same.
Memories pass me by
As night turns into day.
They'll see me in the morning
Lying here this way..
The blood from my wrist
Will float to the top,
And settle as my heartbeat
Slowly begins to stop.
They'll find the drugs in my system
And announce that I'm gone,
They'll cry their fake tears
And quickly move on..
All the failed attempts
Have resulted in this..
As I lay under the water
I try to think of something I'll miss.
Through the red water
That leads me to the light,
I try to find a decent face
But it begins to blind me from life.
As the light becomes brighter
I get ready to face my death,
But instead I rise up from the water
And take another breath.