Our 54th Wedding Anniversary

Our 54th Wedding Anniversary
8/16/2022

         Linda, darling, it’s hard to believe we got married 54 years ago today (8/16/1968, 7:00 PM, Newport, Ky, by Justice of the Peace Jack Mader), eloping at 19 because my parents didn't want us together (legal age in Ohio then was still 21, not 18). Spending the last 42 ½ years of that time apart, after having only 11 1/2 years together as a very happily married young couple, has certainly not made it any easier. And, either way, it doesn’t feel like we’ve been apart for 42 ½ years. Some days it feels like it’s already been an eternity, honey, some days it feels as though I found your lifeless body slumped over the side of our bathtub, from the outside of it, only a day ago. You were 30, I was 31. The thing that reminds me that it's been longer than just a day, sweetheart, is that I remember when I felt like a robot, or as if I was running on autopilot for the first 8-10 months after you left. I only left our apartment to go to work or go to the store. Other than that, I never stepped out of our place for that 8-10 months, and with a rare exception, only talked to members of your family during that time, by choice. Talking to them let me feel closer to you. I know it’s been longer than that 8-10 months now, because I don’t feel like a robot anymore. But I don’t feel complete, either. You took my heart with you when you left, and I want you to keep it. Hold on to our love until we see each other again, darling. And I love knowing that we have His word that we WILL be together again.
         Darling, I love knowing, too, that He answered my two most important prayers the night that you went Home. I'd asked Him for years to see to it that you felt absolutely no pain of any kind, at the end, whether you went Home first, or I did. I simply did not want you to feel any pain at all when the end came for you. And when I saw your beautiful, blue face, I immediately knew you had felt absolutely nothing at the end. That He'd seen to that by having you hit your head on that tile wall over the tub during the first stage of a seizure, when that has always been a time when you felt absolutely nothing. A time I had often taken advantage of to keep you from getting hurt when you went into a seizure around me. And He showed me that He'd done that in answer to my prayer, because, as you always did during the first stage of a seizure, the very tip of your tongue was sticking out at me, from between your teeth. So, looking at your beautiful, blue face had told me His answer to that prayer. And, I'd also asked Him, for years, to let me be the first to find out when you went Home. That I did not want to find out second hand, or over the phone. And He answered that prayer of mine that night, too, by having your time come to an end while you were in our home. Where there was absolute certainty that I would be the first to find you. I have thanked Him many, many times since that night, for answering those two most important prayers of mine the way He did. And I will continue to thank Him, often, for answering those two prayers for me that very way.
         And, sweetheart, I also love knowing, too, that He answered YOUR most important prayer that night, also. You had felt, throughout your early life, that you would never be able to find a man that would be willing to look beyond your epilepsy, and the seizures that come with it, and love you as yourself. And you told me, often, how wonderfully relieved, and amazed you felt when you heard me tell you, flat out, that I love you far too much to ever let your epilepsy, or those seizures, keep me from loving you. When I told you that, you were 16, I was 17.
         You told me, many times during our few, short years together, how you wanted, desperately, to find a way to show me, beyond any doubt, how very, very much my love for, and devotion to you throughout our all-too-short 14 years together truly meant to you. You told me, at those times, that finding that way to show me that my love and devotion was that important to you, made it something that you prayed for each and every day.
         On that night that you went Home, the Lord answered that most important prayer of YOURS that night, too, honey. When you went Home, I had nothing left. My world was gone, because YOU were my world. All I had left was the deep faith in Him that you and I had shared throughout our years together. Late that night, about 12:30 AM, as I prayed, just after the coroner’s team had left with your lifeless body, and just before I called your parents to share the tragic news with them, the Lord told me that He had asked you, that evening, if you would be willing to come Home to Him if He promised you that your doing that would ensure MY full commitment to Him; a commitment that you had already made to Him, with that childlike blind faith you’d always had. You realized that His offer would not only ensure my full commitment (I’d been hesitant to totally surrender to Him), but that your making that ultimate sacrifice, to ENSURE my commitment to Him, would prove to me, with absolutely NO doubt left in my mind whatsoever, how very, very much my deep love for, and devotion to you throughout our 14 years together, 11 ½ as man and wife, truly meant to you. He gave you a way to show me how much my wonderfully deep and meaningful love, and devotion to you had genuinely meant to you throughout our years together, and you very willingly, took that opportunity. You gave up your life, knowing that not only would my commitment to Him be as total as yours already was, but you willingly gave up your life knowing that I would finally, and unquestionably, understand how much my deep love for, and devotion to you throughout our life together, had truly meant to you. And I will thank Him, also just as often, for answering YOUR most important prayer that night, too.

         I’m glad you have the rest of your family with you, now, sweetheart, and I know that that makes all of you very happy. And, it helps me feel better knowing you are all together now, for the first time in a very long time. Darling, except for Suzie, I know when each member of your family followed you, and joined you around His Throne. And I look forward to the day when I will join the rest of you, and we will all be together, and with Him, for the rest of Eternity.
         But, right now, I still miss you, very deeply, Squeek darling, throughout each and every day of my life.

HAPPY 54TH WEDDING ANNIVERSARY, LINDA!