I'm A Leech

For anyone who attaches onto people too easily and sees the best in everyone.

I'm a leech, about tired of speech.
Attached to people,
like glue to paper,
when really they were the water,
as I was vapor.
Filling the void with anything I could find,
but loneliness still crept inside,
from time to time.
When people didn't answer,
it felt like water spilled over my social battery.
Like a crazy blowup in a factory.
Felt my machinery isn't up to date
with theirs, like an old rusty clock that doesn't
count time anymore.
Feels like there's been too many times to count,
when I talk to the wrong people for me,
because I don't want to see reality.
Questioning what I did wrong,
too make them take this long,
to respond.
Start to think I should change myself,
for them,
when really it's them who's the stem,
the part that doesn't blossom or grow.
With each passing moment,
they become more sour.
Try to move on slowly from all this
infuriating brain chaos.
My brain needs valuable friendships,
that take time to build,
but I get impatient in trusting God's plan
and instead try to make meaningless
friendships permanent,
into something more,
because I'm scared to lose
a person or two.
Don't want to or can't see what's in store.
I don't think I know who I am anymore.
I feel it's many times I've tried praying, to knock on God's door,
To tell Him about the people who have treated her poor.
Where's that girl who loved herself a few years ago?
The one who didn't need validation,
the one who didn't trust a random note
but the one that already knew what was right within herself.
Confidence is key,
so I'll keep looking.
Need the color to come back to my face,
don't need to chase,
just space and
to treat myself with grace.