Unicorn Poop

Who stole Mother's jewelry?

Cindy, teen human and thief hunter, circled the giant oak as quietly as she could. As the weight of her came down on her foot, the ground beneath her gave way, and a slurping sound assaulted her ears.

"What-?" She looked down at her foot. Her boot had landed squarely in a swirly, glittery, steaming pile of goo in white and various shades of pastel.

"Ugh," she said aloud. She lifted her foot out of the mess - it slurped again, and clumps hung onto her boot for dear life.

"What happened?" asked Megan from another large oak, maybe fifty feet away.

"I stepped in unicorn poop," said Cindy, frowning.

All stealth gone at that point, Megan ran over with huge eyes aimed at Cindy's feet.

"Oh, my goodness," she breathed. "You know what this means?"

Cindy nodded, her lips tight and her eyes solemn. She knew, indeed, and it explained everything.

"There's a leprechaun here," she whispered. Unicorns never strayed far from their leprechauns.

The girls circled the tree, gaining some distance from the beautiful, but just-as-stinky-as-horse-manure, pile of colored marshmallow fluff, leaned their backs on the gnarled trunk and slid to the ground, side by side.

"What are we going to tell mom?" asked Megan. "She'll never believe us. She's going to keep accusing us of stealing her jewelry."

"Maybe we find the pot of gold?"

Megan looked up. "Shouldn't there be a-"

Cindy, who had followed her gaze, interrupted with, "Look! There's the rainbow!"

It hadn't rained in weeks, so the girls were confident this was the leprechaun's rainbow. They looked at each other.

Megan's brow furrowed. "Should we?"

"I don't know," answered Cindy. "Leprechauns are bad news. They're dangerous."

They stared at each other in silence. Cindy was first to break eye contact. She looked up again, and her eyes followed the rainbow to where she believed it ended. She glanced back at Megan once more, then stood and crept toward that place.

"Cindy!" whispered Megan

She placed her finger over her lips, then waved for Megan to follow.

They walked for what felt like hours, but was probably only five or ten minutes. It was farther than it looked, for sure. Several additional piles of unicorn poop impeded the path, and the girls skirted it carefully and with noses pinched. The foot of the rainbow drew ever nearer.

Finally, Cindy saw it. The girls emerged from a thick, choking brush to find themselves right on top of the unicorn. It stood no taller than a pony, and less muscular. Cindy froze, then motioned to Megan, and they both darted back into the brush. They peeked through its leaves.

The unicorn snorted, grunted, stomped, and sniffed the air, but did not turn toward their hiding spot. Cindy released a slow, silent breath.

She peered into the tiny clearing, squinting and craning her neck, but the spot where the rainbow ended was hidden behind a bush. Blackberry, from the look of it, which would be thorny and possibly crawling with poison ivy.

Her heart sank. They had to get past the bramble and the unicorn to even see the pot, let alone inspect its contents for Mother's rings and necklaces.

On cue, the leprechaun stepped out from behind the bramble, holding the pot! Cindy couldn't believe their luck. She turned her head to peek at Megan, whose face expressed wonder and bewilderment. Neither of them had ever seen either creature before, though their Grandma had told plenty of stories.

But they were teen girls, and the leprechaun, though elf-sized, had a unicorn. It might be pony-sized, but it was still much bigger and stronger than they were. She turned back to the scene and watched, trying to think what to do next.

The leprechaun set the pot down in front of the unicorn, and the beast stuck its snout into the pot. When the snout reemerged, gold chains dangled from its jaw. It chewed noisily on glittering things shinier than its teeth and swallowed. The second mouthful crunched loudly, and Cindy could see gold coins moving around in its mouth.

The floor dropped out beneath Cindy. She looked at Megan, whose jaw had dropped ever so slightly. Her sister's eyes were glassy and unfocused, reflecting the dismay that Cindy felt. She pointed back the way they came, and Megan nodded.

"I swear, Mama! It fed your jewelry to the unicorn!" said Megan.

"There's no such thing as unicorns. Cindy, you need to stop feeding this nonsense to your little sister."

"But Mother-"

"No, buts, young lady. If my jewelry isn't returned by the end of the day, you'll both be grounded from your phones for a week!"

"I believe you," said a soft voice. "Tabitha, you really ought to believe your children."

Cindy watched her mother suppress an eye roll. She glanced at her Grandma, who saw it, too.

"Believe what you want, Tabitha." Grandma turned to the girls. "Shall we go for a walk, ladies?"

Cindy and Megan exchanged a look, then shrugged.

"Sure," said Cindy.

"Excellent. Grab a few gallon sized zipper bags."

"Good idea," said Mother, who watched the exchange between her mother-in-law and girls with suspicion. "Why don't you fill them with my jewelry and bring it back."

Grandma's eyes twinkled. "That's the plan."

An hour later, four bags of unicorn poop sat on the kitchen table. Bits of gold shone amid the white and pastel and glitter, which the girls had overlooked, but Grandma knew they would find.

"Here you go," said Cindy. She turned to Megan and Grandma and grinned.

"Yeah, here you go, Mama. Have fun."

Tabitha stared at the bags on her dining table, jaw so slack Cindy was surprised her mother wasn't drooling.

"You okay, Tabitha?" asked Grandma.

Tabitha broke her gaze from the bags and turned her stare onto Grandma.

"That's..." She couldn't finish.

Cindy leaned in. "It's unicorn poop, Mother. Now do you believe we didn't steal your jewelry?"

"Yeah, now do you believe, Mama?"

Grandma patted both girls on the head.

"She believes you, dears."