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 |  Thoughts and deeds taking me on my path toward insanity. |
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** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Please visit me for updates on the Myth to Life series as well as other writings, don't forget to leave a message in the guestbook, and join the site at: http://www.eairwin.webs.com I would love to hear from you! |
~ Fill in Your Own Thought of the Day ~ ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Hello Everyone; Last weekend I had the opportunity once again to go to the Highland Games, well my mother and sister also went and we represented our own Clan Irwin/Wright amid all the other clans, although we didn't wear kilts or march in the parade of clans. Really, where else can you watch men twirl in a kilt while they throw the caber, hammer, toss the put, and chug a Guiness, carry weaponry, and no one get into a fight. Rather refreshing these days. Okay ... I'll admit there probably wasn't enough Guiness consumed for an all out holligan brawl so everyone got to have a wee bit of fun while listening to Molly's Revenge and a few other acts scattered about the glen. Then there were the stalls selling wares from Scotland, Ireland, and Wales to get you in the mood. Missing this year were many stalls, one of my favorites actually ... the one with the huge collection of swords and all types of shiney cutlery, and those with chain mail and armory, and a tent that sold unique Celtic jewelry. Last weekend there was a large Renaissance Faire up at Shaver Lake so I'm sure that drew many of the sellers as well as crowds away from this year's Highland Games since all those vendors usually make the same rounds of festivals. The opening ceremonies opened with cannon fire, then the signing of God Save the Queen (for those who don't know, this tune is our My Country 'Tis of Thee) and then The Star Spangled Banner. The flags of the Highland Countries furled across the open field as they were marched into position and then the march of the clans participating in the games passed before us. This year we didn't have the live battle on the green with the Scottish army so that was a bit disappointing. But all in all it was a fun day despite the high temperatures. Once again I got to go back in time and relive a bit of ancestral heritage. But always my favorite part is seeing the plaid pleats fly when the men and women (you've never lived until you've seen a woman toss a caber) participate in the games of long ago. It's just a whole different world. And as I told my sister, the $15.00 was a decent price to pay for a bit of voyourism while those men's kilts danced in the breeze. Today I'm getting ready to leave for the weekend for a trip to the coast. Ah, the tides and rocks await me. We're going to try to get to the Renaissance Faire but not sure if we want to spend the admittance fee (a bit pricey this year) although it would be tres fun since this time it's a huge Celtic Faire. We'll see. But nevertheless the call of the sea has become deafening in my ears and I could give up the faire for the chance of sitting at its shore, drinking in the atmosphere while listening to the sounds of an eternal creation. I hope to take some pics and if they turn out I'll post them in my folder. This year I want to do a few more paintings so I hope the snaps turn out well. Have a good weekend everyone. I'll catch up next week before I hit the writing pages once more. I've gotten about 15,000 words down for the next Riley adventure, but am stopping because I need to breathe something other than books and computer exhaust. Ta for now, P |
~ Thought of the Day ~ Hello Everyone; Yet another major hurricane is about to hit our nation. Please remember to continually keep the gulf coast residents, first responders, police and firefighters, local and national government employees, and all those providing shelter to another group of evacuees in your prayers and thoughts. If you can help please consider donating to the American Red Cross or other worthy organizations aiding victims during this crisis as they have done in similar crises for fire, flood, and tornadoes. Thank you, Patricia http://www.redcross.org/ http://www.salvationarmy.org/ihq/www_sa.nsf http://www.usafreedomcorps.gov/about_usafc/about_site/index.asp http://www.nhc.noaa.gov/HAW2/english/links.shtml |
~ Quote of the Day ~ “Now, we have inscribed a new memory alongside those others. It’s a memory of tragedy and shock, of loss and mourning. But not only of loss and mourning. It’s also a memory of bravery and self-sacrifice, and the love that lays down its life for a friend–even a friend whose name it never knew. “ - President George W. Bush, December 11, 2001 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Please remember to keep the families of all those who died on September 11, 2001 in your prayers. Thank you and peace, Patricia |
~ Quote of the Day ~ Perseverance is the hard work you do after you get tired of doing the hard work you already did. ~Newt Gingrich I am pleased to annouce that "Died to Match" was picked up for publication in the premier issue of TREI Literary Magazine, debuting September 1, 2008. Needless to say I am ecstatic about this story being selected for the magazine, as well as another opportunity to have my work read by yet another audience. I am truly humbled as well as really excited for this chance to share one of my favorite stories with more people. I hope you will take the opportunity to stop by TREI Literary Magazine, and read not only my story, but also the stories and poetry of other great writers who have contributed to the magazine. No one can accomplish this alone, and I have always said I didn't want to. Thank you to all those who continually support my writing, but mostly who support me as a friend and cohort. I couldn't do this without YOU. Tres groovy day! P The back story behind the back story of "Died to Match". Or: Isn't there always something that goes wrong when you think everything is right? Every story we write has a back story. Some back stories are slowly revealed to the reader as the work progresses, some stories the author gives a scant scattering of clues and leaves the revelation up to the reader to develop whatever type scenario plays out in their imagination. Whichever way the author decides to utilize the back story is a personal one, deciding how much or what the reader is allowed to perceive. And then there are the times a back story is merely for the author alone to ponder as he sets the stage for the reader, a knowledge only he understands and possesses as his characters take center stage. Back story is what makes the piece real, allows the characters to breathe and relate, stimulates the imagination of the reader to enter the story and believe what is written … and often forces the writer in another direction he didn’t want to go. Shame on the back story. “Died to Match” had an interesting back story, some revealed, with some remaining solely in my mind as I wrote. To me it was an interesting mixture of give and take, with a giant dollop of laughter topping it off when I finally got the end and was able to write the words I’d held back from the beginning of the project. Often the ending words come first and then the story is born. For those who know me, know I love the intrigue of getting inside someone’s head to deliciously dig around in there with shiny cutlery to find out what makes a person tick, or what’s given them ticks. I like complex, I like to be disturbed by something which alters a character’s normalcy, I love it when I can play it out on a page and someone will say that was too close to reality. And, that’s what some readers said as they handed me back the proofs … that they were bothered because it could happen. I smiled. I’d done my job … at least on that day. However, “Died to Match” wasn’t one of those stories without its own back story. Originally written for a contest, I submitted the piece, and then the contest was canceled. Always my luck. However, during that time one of my friends read it and gave me a review on it which allowed me to go back and start chipping away and rebuilding the story. All of us have rewrites and edits on our computers for stories we are working on, I’m no different. However, aside from the novels I’m working on, or the Riley series, not many short stories have that many edited copies. “Died to Match” has its own folder due to the many times I dinked around with it … changing perspective, changing tenses, changing P.O.V., adding back story, deleting back story, adding text to make it stronger, setting aside pleas from readers to make the story longer knowing that it would have to be novella length once I went down that road. I think the last time I saved the story the saved caption read something like this: Edited so many times I don’t care anymore. That’s how I left the story. I had completed it to the best of my ability and I was satisfied. I had never submitted the story. It was one of those pieces that felt as if it were truly a child of mine. I wasn’t sure I wanted to let it go out into the big world. But I did submit and let the story go. You can imagine my surprise when I hadn’t heard anything regarding the story and then received an e-mail a week before the magazine was to launch stating they would be glad to run the story … oh, and they wanted a bit of editing completed … what? I sat reading the e-mail, reread the e-mail, closed the e-mail. Did I want to make the changes? Did I want to be published? Did I want to tackle my ego and willingly let it go? Opening the folder for “Died to Match”, I found the submission and reread it. I still liked it. But ego is ego, and sometimes we have to face that and deal with it in our writing. So, I copied the story and edited the bits in question … all done while in the throes of a 102 degree temperature and an infection making me more than a tad cranky. Probably why I wasn’t originally hip to the editing. I sent the final product to the editor and as you can see my diligence paid off. I’m extremely happy to have this story find its way to TREI Literary Magazine, but more than that I’m ecstatic that I got out of the way by choosing to let the story go without my training wheels still attached to it. So, to all of you who want to quit (and believe me I have been there too many times to count) I say keep hanging in there. Keep at the hard work you’ve begun and keep striving toward making your dreams and goals come true. Most people will never see all the back story in your life as you keep hacking away at making your work better. But you’ll see it and that’s what counts, the author in you creating your world for others to visit … soon they will see it as well in you and your writing. We all need our egos to write stellar material. Just make sure you don’t trip over your ego and miss an opportunity to accomplish something while you’re facing the floor. Here’s to getting up off the mat after we’ve been knocked down. Ta and peace, P |
~ Quote of the Day ~ "Regardless of differences, we strive shoulder to shoulder ... Teamwork can be summed up in five short words: 'We believe in each other.' " ~Author Unknown Please remember to pray for all who have either been in the wake of Gustav's fury, or who will shortly experience his storm as he makes landfall on America's soil: residents of the Gulf Coast, first responders, local and national law enforcement, Federal and State emplyees dedicated to making sure people are evacuated and remain safe, and all the countless individuals who will take displaced residents once again into shelters and homes. The American Red Cross and Salation Army need our help in order to assist others in need far beyond what we can imagine. Won't you join me and make contributions to them and help sustain those we personally can't reach while our country faces another crisis? Thanks for your thoughtfulness. Peace. Patricia http://www.redcross.org/ http://www.salvationarmy.org/ihq/www_sa.nsf |
~ Question of the Day ~ Since the landmark decision in the case of Roe v Wade in 1973, there have been 40 million abortions. What is the number which constitutes genocide? |
~ Thought For The Day ~ ? It's been a rough week so far ... and it's only Thursday.  When you look in the mirror, sometimes it looks back--only we aren't sure who's in there doing the gazing. Perhaps my life is just one giant Palindrome waiting for a mirrored image to reply. Ta, P |
~ Quote of the Day ~ Life is not an easy matter. You cannot live through it without falling into frustration and cynicism unless you have before you a great idea which raises you above personal misery, above weakness, above all kinds of perfidy and baseness. - Leon Trotsky Greetings all; I can safely say that since I last made an entry in my blog, my days and weeks have been filled with ‘f’ words … frustration being at the top of the word list … and yes, I will also admit the mother of ‘f’ words did exit my lips a few times and even entered my writing, not something I’m particularly proud of. But since I attempt a fair bit of honesty here, there you go. So, what are some other words which made the hit parade? Well, there was definitely family, always a source for something, but it seems frustration, feelings, fatal moves, and a touch of finality ruled many of the past three weeks with them. I don’t know about any of you, but when certain elements of discordant harmony are flung to the atmosphere and disharmony moves into the vacuum, the results are never pretty. No one has a black eye, no one has an injury of any type—except perhaps deep in the place people will never see, the fragile part of the psyche unable to hang in there any longer … nor does it wish to continue the futile exercise. Realization the vacuum was filled with such things makes me sad beyond belief. But life continues, hopefully with better boundaries that people will acknowledge one day. The hitch is the family has never seen their boundary breaking as something which needs to be corrected. One day, because the subject of control is important, I’ll write a blog entry and share some of my thoughts there. Until then, I will continue doing what I know to be correct for me, and seek something positive to think about. Then there was the failing aspect of my life with parts of the food pyramid. No matter how I try, chocolate wishes to dominate, thrusting me into a downward spiral where not only frustration rules, but self-defeat pummels me with fists made of Hershey’s kisses. No kisses this time, but York peppermint patties took the lead in the bag of death series. Of course the downfall had been precipitated by the family incident as well as a trip to the doctor. Yes, frailty of body is another contender in the battle of ‘f’ words. After ten years there are still many things my body faces, right now it’s dealing with dragging my leg again, numbness into my foot, lots of pain in the hip and back, lots of depression. After several months of injections into my knee, I finally had another cortisone shot to help reduce the bloody thing and help the pain. My other doctor, who deals with all the other stuff, looked at me with such compassion when I visited him again, it broke me. He knows the struggle, has tried to develop a plan when there is none, has fought for me when no one would. Now we are here again, needing answers, needing another procedure that will kill the nerve in my back for about six months to deal with the pain. I finally admitted the depression of the injury had gotten as bad as the pain. I should have told him years ago, but like many of us just trying to get well, we’re afraid depression will be seen as something that makes us weak in everyone’s eyes, especially when the people are telling you that you’ve given up and that has made you a complete failure in their eyes. I wasn’t a failure in my doctor’s eyes. He’s dealt with those with chronic pain for years, and has requested I see a psychologist who deals with chronic pain in patients and the depression that ensues. I have doubts this will be approved, but I’m holding out hope. If you want to pray for anything in my life, that would be a big one. Mental health is vital to physical and emotional health. But I’m hanging in there, albeit by one hand some days. Amid all this, I came up against a situation with my writing. Unfortunate because I keep really working at writing better and seemingly that doesn’t matter in this world of you’re only as good (maybe if you’re really lucky and all the stars and planets have aligned) as your latest piece. Kind of like here at WDC. I’m not complaining, just unsure of everything as I continue in this world of similes and metaphors, and have absolutely no ability to control my roaming commas. I suppose this is just another step in my writing and publishing experience. But, it has left such a bad taste in my mouth. I’m honestly having difficulty remaining stoked to write. I had several days of saying to myself I was through writing, that in the long run it didn’t matter if I ever wrote another word. Frustration, frantic feelings, a frenetic rush to try to maintain a place in the publishing world I have no ability to control, the feelings of failure that I know many writers experience, all pushed into my head at an accelerated rate as if I were on speed and watching my world drift aimlessly by. And honestly? I don’t want my success posthumously. Okay, I’ve said it. I’d like success while I’m still alive. And yes, I know my success is between my ears, but occasionally it’s nice to have it on paper as well. Say it with cash comes to mind at this point. But I’ve decided to continue writing despite the ill-wind that rushes through me. To stop would be to admit I’m a quitter and a loser—two things I don’t ever want to be again. Thursday I went out to run errands. After my stop at Walgreens for my prescription, I was getting in my car to leave and I heard a woman’s voice ask for some change. I usually don’t keep a lot of cash with me, so I told her I’d check. Most times I’ll ask if they are hungry and get them food so they aren’t tempted to spend it on booze. Yes, I’ve bought booze instead of food in my life. Anyway, I found a few dollars and handed them to her. She thanked me. I hadn’t really paid attention that she was in a wheelchair when I heard her voice, because I was struggling to get to the car. But after I gave her the money, I watched her as I got in my car. She had just pulled something inflatable from the trash can and was inspecting it while talking to the little dog in her lap. She was overjoyed she’d found this throw away item and that it was still inflated. She stuffed it in the large bag at her feet, and it was then I noticed she only had one leg. She dug through the trash a bit more and then rolled away. I hadn’t given enough. I was selfish while she got enjoyment out of finding something thrown away in a trash can. As I work through the frustration of my life, I am always aware of this: To whom much is given, much is expected. That day I came up short. What I had forgotten while I had all my little pity parties was to be thankful for where I was in my life. I still have a mind and intellect. I still have the ability to say I hurt and someone, even though I may have horrible feelings, will come to my aid and help bail me out. I still am able to reason despite my confusion and frustration. I am still able to walk even with pain. I still have a voice to speak for others when they cannot. What I had forgotten, another ‘f’ word, is that I still had faith in spite of my failure at not doing more—the greatest ‘f’ word among them all. God has always been faithful in my life, I on the other hand have not. To be reminded of where I am in all my frustration isn’t an easy thing to accept, but knowing I have someone to turn to when my world falls in on me if I will just lean on His understanding, makes the journey at times a little easier. He has put people in my life on whom I can lean, for that I am eternally thankful. He has given me everlasting life, for that I am eternally grateful. I hope all of you have a wonderful day. Ta and peace, P |
~ Quote of the Day ~ "You cannot change what you do not acknowledge." Hello Everyone; Through the years of rambling in this blog, no matter what the theme of the day, or week, or month, I have always said I am no different than any other person. I hurt, I bleed, I swear, I sob uncontrollably for situations out of my control, I fail at many things, I have great highs and debilitating lows, I have compassion and empathy for people, and yet, there are some people who I wish the world would allow their gravitational pull to no longer exist so I no longer have to put up with them by seeing their face, or reading their name, or experiencing their essence on any level. I still manage to see the world as Pollyanna does, often living my life through the ‘glad’ game because I am truly humbled that I continually get to live even when I didn’t want to, and I am glad that God has had His hand of protection on me during my lifetime, and then I see the world through a broken lens where shards of pain, anger, hatred, and remembrance of what I’ve done in my life and what has been done to me and how I thought the circumstances were unjust and unforgivable on many levels, while life sped on and the inability to cope altered the true vision of me. I am an addicted person in several areas—some I have conquered though still have uncontrollable yearnings to slip back into those self-destructive ways and say fuck it all the problems are too difficult to conquer, and some addictions still linger while I attempt to figure out how to deal with the overwhelming problem and remain the person I am meant to be. There will be a mirror blog on addictions in the future. I sometimes roam around a subject hoping I’ll get a handle on my emotions so I am able to relate them to an audience of perhaps just one person reading this blog besides me. And, there are days when I am the only reader—that’s fine. Those days are just as important as any other when I finally get my head around the idea that at least I said something, and even if no one read my thought I read it and it’s out of my head. When I first began speaking about the mirrors in my life I had already been working on me for a while, taking stock of things, how I relate to people, what I have done that has brought me to the brink of despair, and what I have not done to establish good relationships with people and not run from them out of fear. Fear is a mighty powerful entity in our lives, one which needs to be trodden on and conquered for it is that horrible thing which makes us not succeed. And as you know, my motto is ‘success lives between your ears.’ I have also shared this phrase or a paraphrase of the phrase many times: You cannot change what you do not acknowledge. I wish I had coined that phrase, but alas I did not. But through listening to many sermons, especially the past several years, this is the main theme running throughout many of them. What a powerful idea, and one which comes with a great price due to the task it entails, with the ultimate prize being the wholeness of mind, body, and spirit. You cannot change what you do not acknowledge. I took that phrase to heart and not only understood that meaning in my mind, but in my spirit where God lives and directs my path. I had to accept the core of what I am … bad, filthy, unrighteous, carnal, and any other negative thing that kept me bound, and look at myself with a critical eye and actually deal with what I saw and hated. Now, I also realize I have also written that I finally like me even with all my foibles, missteps, seemingly unforgivable actions, and then all the good things which permeate my being to make me the sum of what I am and can be. So I have a dichotomy of being living inside me, not unlike the multitudes residing on the planet. And I still like me. That hasn’t changed, but has taken a long time to get to that state again. To accept where we are in life is a daunting experience, and to examine your life under a microscope, so you are able to weed out the destructive aspects of your person, is a mind-altering, spirit-altering, physical-altering experience. However, it is the necessary first step to realizing what you are at that moment and deciding to take action by an honest evaluation of your life and make the changes which will allow you to become a whole person. I’ll share a little story because I know how much you love my little side trips.  One morning, while making toast, a burning smell came forth from my toaster. Okay, no big deal just burned bits of crust lying on the floor of the toaster that obviously needed tending. So, after the toaster cooled, I took off the bottom plate and removed the crumb carnage. Clean as a whistle. The next time I made toast, I smelled the same burning smell. No burnt toast but a definite aroma of charred bread. After letting the toaster cool, I began inspecting the coils in case one was on its way to appliance afterlife. No coil issue. But what I did find was a wooden magnet stuck between the coils that had apparently dropped off the refrigerator into the toaster.You also have to understand that some days I talk to God a lot about my situations, all the things that are honestly bugging me, and why I can’t make my life work on many levels. God doesn’t always answer immediately, and many times there have been vast silences while I wait to hear the answer. I had and have been going through a very difficult time dealing with certain situations that I have absolutely no control over. I want control over them. I need control over them because the situations have altered my life. A very strong emotion being one of the altering things. Hatred. But along with hatred are other situations which have made me weary beyond that which I thought I would ever be able to cope. Years of weariness when all I wanted was someone to hold my hand and say “it’s going to be okay, and if it’s not okay, then just let me sit by your side while you go through this and I can share your burden so you aren’t alone.” So what was on the magnet, you ask? These are the words printed on a little round red wooden magnet … “And let us not be weary in well doing; for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.” Galations 6:9. A confirmation, a challenge to me to continue doing what I know is correct while I stare into the fathomless mirrors before me and make the changes imperative to my well-being. I know some will scoff and say it was a fluke and odd little things like this happen all the time. No intervention from God, just a magnet losing its gravitational pull. Perhaps … probably not. For there are times in our lives when we are confronted, even by an inanimate object, when we have been struggling and desiring a word of encouragement and we have to accept that encouragement for what it is—a inspirational moment accepted in faith, knowing the outcome is for our betterment. My sister said something to me the other day which surprised me. We were talking about friendships, and I mentioned some of my friends and their differences with me, and that was part of my ‘normalness’. She looked at me and said I wasn’t really normal, because I was far beyond that in my life. That surprised me, but what she said next surprised me more: “What you are is stable and that’s what others see in you aside from everything else.” So amid all the craziness in my brain, the years of dealing with mountains of poo and people’s perceptions of me, I suppose I can add stable to my list of good qualities. You cannot change what you do not acknowledge. What I leave you with today is this: For every negative trait you possess, try looking at it through new vision and turn it into a positive trait. Don’t be afraid to seek that which will make you grow in a good direction. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Don’t beat yourself up if you slip up. Don’t lose sight of your goals. Begin small, conquer that, and continue into the gray mire of middle ground where more goals are waiting your hand. Always keep the long-term goal in sight and don’t go all freaking on yourself if you aren’t able to attain that goal in said amount of time. Life is a long experience on a bumpy road—don’t make fear your companion. More mirror blogs are on the way. You probably think I have become Narcissus after all the gazing. You’ll have to stay tuned to find out. Ta and peace, P |
~ Quote of the Day ~ "When I find myself fading, I close my eyes and realize my friends are my energy." ~ Anonymous Hello Everyone or should I just say 'Friends'; Thanks to wonderful readers like YOU, "At Death's Door" is moving up the charts at Fictionwise eBooks in the Dark Fantasy Section. Today, I checked the site, and "Hunted", the third installment of the Myth to Life: The Rise of Riley McCabe series has a TOP RATED indicator! This is absolutely rockin' news! This story has yet to move a lot in the pack of thousands of great writers, but this is soooo exciting to hear, especially since it is the latest story. Check out Riley McCabe, I don't think you'll be disappointed with the read. Stay tuned for more news on the Riley front. She has just gotten a new Myspace acccount and is anxious to share some of her life and excerpts from her stories. Thanks to everyone who has helped Riley and me on our path to publishing. We couldn't do it without any of you - nor would we want to. You guys rock! P Fictionwise eBooks http://www.fictionwise.com/eBooks/PAMatthewseBooks.htm Also available at Mystic Moon Press http://www.mysticmoonpress.com/authorpages/pamatthews.html |
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