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Bare and uncensored personal expression. Beware!!! |
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** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "This is pretty much what journals are all about, at least to me. I knew as I wrote them that even though they provided an excellent place for brain (and heart, and psyche) dump, they were mainly a map of me." --- Colleen Wainwright "Writing gives you the illusion of control, and then you realize it's just an illusion, that people are going to bring their own stuff into it." --- David Sedaris "Please write again soon. Though my own life is filled with activity, letters encourage momentary escape into others lives and I come back to my own with greater contentment." --- Elizabeth Forsythe Hailey "In giving of myself onto these pages every day I allow myself to write regardless of the depth and meaning. I share myself with others without fear of recrimination for these are my thoughts, my feelings and my very being, and there are non who's opinion of me matters more than my own." --- Rebecca Laffar-Smith   The Writer's Round-About |
| *ok, I give up, DWC entry again and thank goodness DWC is almost over* Today I had a very busy day. I started with playgroup and a visit to the library. Once I got home I settled in to reading up about Time Management. Time Management is a deceptively complicated subject. I think I need to learn time management so that I can manage the time it takes to learn and instigate time management. I’ve spent hours so far reading about goal setting and then using the program I found to make plans and set goals and tasks. Ultimately I think it will save time, eventually, but preparing in advance is time consuming. I’ve made plans like these before as well. Of course I’ve never put so much effort or detail into it but each time I’ve only been able to stick to it a few days. I know part of the issue is to do with routine and habit. I have to make goal setting a habit and make sure I focus on it every day. I’m going to make one of those promises to myself to focus on my goal setting each morning and then again in the evenings before bed. I don’t want to give it too much time but I know in the beginning it will take more time and focus. One advantage is I can also use the software as a diary/calendar, to do list, and my mother even suggested keeping my shopping list in there too which I guess is possible. Another part of the time management project I’m working on at the moment is an activity log. I’ve been writing one today and am already onto page three of the log. I didn’t realise how many times I switch projects and I’m not even being as strict as I could be. I mean I could include the occasions I pause from writing this to watch the movie but I haven’t been that detailed. I probably should be however since those occasions are important fragments of time that make the DWC process take longer. The whole Time Management process is complicated. I hope it’s just part of the learning curve. It starts tough because so much of it is difficult and foreign to me. It’s challenging because it’s asking me to do things I haven’t done before and have never been good at, like prioritizing. My priorities are generally a complete mess. But in beginning this Goal Setting part of Time Management I face having to figure out what’s important to my life. But the trouble is I have some major goals that I can prioritize and yet those priorities vary from moment to moment in many cases. I mean my Career is important to me. My Family is important to me. My Family is doing ok, we’re in order and I feel like my goals here are balanced and on term. My Career however, feels strained and stressful, off course, chaotic, and lagging. In this instant it takes priority, because of the instability, not because it’s more important than my family. Does that make sense? Another step is time frames. For some reason it’s important to put deadlines on projects. I can understand the value of this however trying to work out reasonable deadlines and stick to them is not as easy as it sounds. It should be, but I know it’s going to take a lot of work to get into this so that I can function proficiently. I now have my DWC deadline, daily till October 31st. I think I’m going to give DWC a miss after this month however since it’s a big strain and it doesn’t progress my primary goals. Another goal I have set time restraints on is my NaNo Novel. Write the first draft in November. Easy. I’ve also scheduled a time to read the results and to progress through drafts two and three and into submission. I’ve also moved The Dating Game into a time restraint. It feels good to have done this however because it moves it’s urgency up a few notches. At this stage Nano comes first and focus is on that in November but after that The Dating Game gets top priority. The Persevering Poets Presents group has also made it to my list of Goals and I’ve filled out a few of the tasks I’d like to complete. There is so much more I haven’t added yet. It’s a step, and a baby step at that I suppose. But then it’s the baby steps that ultimately get you to your goals isn’t it? |
| *copied from my DWC entry* I’ve been out most of today and did a little contract work when I got home. Yesterday I started a poem called Faltering Soul. That was the prompt too, a title prompt and I have a great concept for it. I can picture it, I can feel it but for some reason I can’t put it to paper the way I want to. I’ve saved a version attempted today and I know if I can get it right it would be a stunningly beautiful, touching poem. I’ve given up trying to do it tonight. I’m not in the right frame of mind and this one really requires a difficult internal transformation so that I can capture the integrity and emotion needed to make the poem effective. It is strange how sometimes poetry just comes, and other times the idea’s come but the form doesn’t. Lately I’ve had plenty of ideas but no form. It gets frustrating. I’ll try again tomorrow. Now I’m just looking forward to getting DWC and blog done so I can turn off for the night. I’m tired and my head aches. I’d love to have a hot shower, or maybe a steaming, scented bath. But those kinds of rewards have to wait until I’ve finished here. So, um, how many words am I supposed to do today? It is the 26th of October, day 26, and the word count requirement is 725 words. I can do that. National Novel Writing Month is getting closer. It’s less than a week until Halloween and November starts the next day. I’m both excited and intimidated. I’ve written the 50,000 words before but each time I know it’s a challenge. Especially with the way my moods have been see-sawing lately and the way my sleep patterns are out of wack. Still, I’m looking forward to the challenge and I expect when November 1st rolls around and I can actually start the Travel Journal my energy on the whole idea will lift again. Right now it feels like I’m in a holding pattern, flying miles about the earth just circling and circling waiting for the command to bring her in. That’s actually a rather nice way to look at it. I’m just circling for a few more days before I can land. Meanwhile, there is plenty I can be getting on with. Tomorrow morning I’m taking Josh to playgroup and then visiting the library after that. I should be home by noon. I want to give that Faltering Soul another attempt but I should also write the Simile article for the Tools of Poetry Workshop. It would also be great to get three or four articles lined up for the workshop to tide me over November since I’ll hopefully be busy that month with my book. Sometimes it continues to be tempting to call it quits with the workshop. It’s a big drain on my emotional resources. But of course I only ever consider that when I’m in my lows and a part of me things it’s probably because it’s something I can give up on without feeling too guilty. I’d rather be able to keep at it, make it work and know I’ve accomplished something great. I’m one of those unstable sorts who have started a lot of projects and completed very few. One of my biggest faults is the fact that I don’t follow through. I guess that’s why I’m so steadfast with DWC and my blog. These are two things that I repeatedly follow through on. I complete them. Every day. To me that is an incredible accomplishment. It’s also one of the reasons I love poetry. Because I can complete it. I enjoy the challenge but it endures my attention span and gets completed. There are other things in various stages of completion but I lose momentum and struggle to find my way back to task. If I give up PPP it would be another project I didn’t stick with. I do enjoy running the group, it’s challenging but it’s great being able to meet other poets and actually discuss poetry. When it comes to incomplete projects however the list seems far longer. I suspect a great deal of my stress comes from lack of organization. I’ve never figured out how to accomplish successful time management. Perhaps that is another topic I should research? |
| You know it's strange. I expected to be doing alright mood wise today and I started off ok but then kind of wound down really quickly in the middle of the morning. I guess it was because I was pushing myself to do what I 'SHOULD' be doing and losing sight of why I'm doing it. Anyway, I stepped back from that and went and relaxed instead which made me feel a bit better but still low. Then I got chatting with Forge  We chat a lot and talk poetry and story ideas a great deal. He's brilliant to toss ideas around with and he's always keen to get my feedback on his work and thoughts etc. The sort of supportive friend who's there to chat with about pretty much anything.  Thanks Forge.Anyway, *grimaces* I use that word a lot. Anyway,  He had just written a poem for a contest and we were discussing it and tweaking it a little. Then I got onto how mopey I was feeling and he tried to entice me to write an entry for the same contest. The conversation went:Forge: Did I direct you here? This is the contest the poem was for... "Invalid Item"  Rebecca: Yep Forge: It might inspire you to write something new ??? Rebecca: Not so far lol Forge: Oh well, maybe next time. Forge: Hey! Wait! Forge: Inscription on a Tomb doesn't inspire you to write something??? Rebecca: I'm inspired, I just CAN'T write. lol Forge: Inscription on a tomb I would think would be awesome for you Rebecca: My brain is functioning it's putting thought into action I'm having issues with. Rebecca: *chuckles* Ok ok, give me a few minutes to see what I can do with that one cause you're right, it's something I could probably handle lol I did go off and work on something for Inscription on a Tomb because he was right, it's a title prompt that is pretty idea for me. lol My mother just asked me how long it took to write so I dug up the time stamp on that conversation with Forge. That last line was said at 9:10PM and at 9:40PM I posted the completed poem to show him. That means I wrote it in 30 minutes which is pretty good. Anyway, here it is if you want to read it:
Now of course I want to write some more poems. My creativity wasn't slumped. I've been WANTING to write all day it's the DOING I've been having issues with. But now I've DONE my DWC entry. I've DONE that poem and I'm just about DONE here on my blog. Of course not it's late. *pouts* That's because I've been dawdling. But maybe I can get another poem DONE before bed. The question is, which? |
| *Yep, just copied from DWC but it's mostly just how this would have turned out if I'd gone to write it again. I'm tired and heading to bed so forgive me for being lazy. lol* I’m actually mentally wiped and would love to be able to tune out after a busy day and relax. Instead I’m once again, here. Tonight the challenge is to write 675 words which hopefully won’t be too difficult. I’m no longer on that sapping low and if I can settle on a topic I’ll be fine. Of course after a busy day finding an interesting topic isn’t easy. Perhaps I’ll just ramble about my day. We started by having to try and drag my kids out of bed and get them ready this morning. None of us have been sleeping very well lately so it’s been a rush to get everyone ready to begin the day and get my oldest to school on time this week. Thankfully we were only a little late to school and I knew I had to get home straight away because the air conditioner was scheduled for repairs this morning. The house was in a serious state so I set about cranking up the music and doing some housework this morning. Of course the technician arrived when the living room was looking its worst but I apologised for the mess and invited him in. I continued cleaning while he got to work on the air-con and within half an hour it was all fixed and running beautifully. It’s so lovely having the air conditioner in action. After having wiped out my finances buying it when I really should have waited it was very frustrating that it wasn’t working correctly. I’ve had the air-con for about a month already and I had been suffering the financial strain without the reward of cool air. Now the room stays nicely chilled, it’s lovely, and takes my mind off the cost. After finally getting the living room into a ship shape condition I sat down for a short rest and recharge, chatting with a few friends until shortly before lunch time. The weather was perfect today and I took my youngest out in the pram to a nearby grocery store to get some lunch and milk. The peace was disturbed by the buzz of helicopters, apparently an interesting new story in the area was drawing the news squads and Josh loved the sky show. He absolutely adores helicopters and aeroplanes. He’s always been able to spot and locate them from the tiniest specks and slightest buzz in the sky since he was a tiny little thing. We got home and I managed to notch lunch and a little more housework under my belt as well as more net time before I had to pick up my daughter from school; then more housework with her helping to clean and pack away in her own room and in her brother’s room. It’s amazing to see the floor in their rooms. It’s a shamed such phenomenon’s are short-lived. But I made up their beds with fresh sheets. I didn’t think to leave clean towels out in the bathroom as my ex-husband was quick to remind me when I got home tonight. In the early evening he arrived to baby-sit for me. He’d brought dinner and came to hang out with the kids for the first time in over a month. His timing was perfect because his being available tonight meant I would be able to attend a meeting that I had expected I wouldn’t be able to manage. The meeting was great, very intimidating since I felt very strange in a room full of older people. These days I often feel very adult. I mix with an even crowd but more recently have noticed how many younger people are around. Today I was in a room where I was perhaps THE youngest there. There was only one other who might have been near my age and everyone else was my mother’s age. Thankfully since I was there with my mother I had someone to hide behind. It was a great night. We had the opportunity to meet and talk with others in the business. I really enjoyed myself. |
| I was just writing about skating in my DWC entry tonight and yet I feel like I have so much more to say. I'm onto a topic I really love but I'm going to wander out of memory lane for a moment to share some of the wonderful clips I've watched on youtube.com tonight. It's truly amazing to watch the professional skaters at Olympic standards. My favorite is the pairs skating because they have the most stunning moves, lifts, spins, jumps, twists. It's truly breath-taking. Tonight I watched a few from the 2006 Olympics. I'd not had the opportunity to watch it on TV when they were happening. For some reason ice skating doesn't get much air time when there are so many more popular sports happening. Some of the skaters captivated me and I went on the hunt for other programs they'd performed. While watching there were two particularly nasty falls. At that level falls are dramatic and heart stopping. To begin with these skaters are so professional, so practices, and so procise with every move they make that a fall shouldn't happen. But they still do happen be it a bad ice, or just a human error. The most amazing thing is that these skaters got up and did it again. The first one I watched she fell and I swear either pulled or tore a muscle in her thigh. Her partner helped her to the edge where she spoke to her coach, cried in pain and worked the leg a little. Minutes later they're going back out on the ice and they move back into their routine going on to complete the rest of it flawlessly. She's in pain and they're subdued but they complete and they get decent scores considering the detraction. Later you see her leg strapped and iced and she's crying in pain again. It's amazing what these atheletes put themselves through and I wish I could know what she was telling herself, and what her coach and partner were telling her that made her push through what must have been agony to skate on that night when it must have been an easy and completely understandable choice for her to have stepped off. I suspect a lot of it would have focused on the time and the trials they would have had to go through to get there that night. Olympic athletes train and compete for years in preparation for a single night at the Olympics and if she hadn't gone on to finish that program all that effort, for both of them, would have been for nothing. In the end I believe they went home with the silver. Later I watched another. In it he falters at the beginning slightly, enough to notice he's not on his game and he's wary. She's flawless and stunning, every move smooth, practiced, perfect, and beautiful. they're cruising on the ice, he lifts her into the air, above his head, turns his foot, and loses it, drops her and himself. I can't imagine the horror that must have gone through his mind as it happened. He couldn't save her from hitting the ground and in attempting to do so possibly made her land harder then it might have been. The impact on the ice seems like it should have been bone crunching. She lays there, stunned for minutes after. They bring out the medics and bind her up before taking her off the ice. The fall could have been fatal. from the look of it as it happened it probably should have been but later that night the doctors report her outlook is good, they'll keep her overnight for observation but she'll be out the next day. Later that same year she's competing again with the same partner and they perform a perfect program. It's the sort of thing that makes me want to go behind the scenes. I'd love to know the story behind the training and emotions that lead up to that night. I'd love to know more about how they both felt as it happened and after as she's hurt and then recovering. Then what it took to find the courage and the faith to keep striving. So many people might have considered that lucky escape a warning. Others would have struck out in anger and fear at the partner. What did it take for them to get back on the rink? What did it take for him to have the courage to lift her again, and her the faith that he wouldn't repeat a fall like that? It would make an incredible book. I wonder if they've thought to write about it, or have someone write a biography for them. I can imagine it being dramatized and turned into an incredible movie too. There are stories like that throughout life too I'm sure. Many athletes certainly but also in other careers and just in general. Accidents happen. Fall off the horse and get back on again. It's the sort of saying we hear a lot in our society but a lot of the time we don't pause to consider what it really takes to get back on that horse. I still skate and I've been injured myself. I suffer early-onset arthritis most noticable in my knees and my wrists which I feel was possibly agrevated by so much of my youth spent skating. I do know that sometimes after spending a couple of hours on the rink I couldn't move. But I loved skating, so it never stopped me. I've fallen, like a did a few weeks back, and landed badly. It's never been something serious but for me the love of skating brings me back to my skates. Is it love, passion, for something that is the driving factor for getting back out there for anyone who's experienced challenges as they reach for their dreams? *ponders* It's all something that can truely give you some heavy and inspiring thoughts. |
| Ok, I feel kind of silly because at the moment it feels like I kind of have two blogs. Last night I was on a serious low and cheated by copying my DWC entry into the blog directly and figured yeah that'll do. It's tempting to do the same again tonight but this time it's related more to the fact that the DWC entry is in my voice, exactly as I write these blog entries. Straight, uncensored, sometimes blah ramble. After writing 625 words I wonder what else I could add to that. But of course for my blog I'm not adding to that. I need something fresh and new. Or not. It's great to be able to express myself in my blog and it's been good to reflect on the past couple of months and see what's been going on in my life. It's also wonderful to write every day, even if it's not worthy of publication and probably shouldn't really be shared with people it's good to get these words out. These entries are worth writing, for myself, although much of the time really not worth reading for the unfortunate who stumble in here. Except maybe to acknowledge that they aren't the craziest person in the world and that others suffer in was similar or dissimilar than themselves. I'm rambling. But then what esle is new. lol Basically I mean that I feel good having this blog to turn to. I put myself out here and sometimes I think I should probably make the blog private. Ok, most of the time I suspect I should keep the blog private. It really should just be a journal. But in a way knowing that some people come and read and knowing this isn't just going to be something I see, holds me accountable. I think a big part of why I show up here each day is because others will know if I don't. If I kept a journal that no one else ever read then the only person I let down if I don't write an entry in myself. I don't like letting anyone down and in a way I feel like if I'm not here each day I've broken my promise not only to myself, but to my readers. It's rediculous since whenever I talk about the responsibilities I put on myself I get people emailing and commenting telling me to stop putting so much pressure on myself and that it's ok to give myself a break sometimes. Mostly those aggrevate me because sure, I could take it easy on myself and I do. I do too often in fact which is where one of my biggest stumbling blocks comes in. There are so many opportunities I don't take, so many obligations I let slide. DWC and the blog are the only two things I honestly get done every day, come rain or shine. Even breakfast and lunch aren't as guarenteed as my blog entry. Even the kids baths and bedtime isn't as certain as my blog entry. The housework isn't anywhere near as kept up with as my blog. In all other areas of my life I give myself too much rope and hang myself. Knowing that I'm here to blog every day is a huge accomplishment. It shores up my willpower and reminds me that when I really set my mind to it I CAN show up for myself and not let myself down. Of course the trouble comes now with having to put this steadfast resolution into other parts of my life. I show up each night to blog, but I need to show up for myself more often then that. I guess it's good that I'm at least aware of most of my faults. What are the steps of AA? The first? Admitting you have a problem. Hi I'm Rebecca and I have a great many problems. *chuckles* But then don't we all. Perhaps I'll console myself with the fact that I'm normal. But seriously, there is so much I want to accomplish, I've talked about things like this in the past. I think what I need to do to make my dreams reality into the future is plan. Set the goals and accomplish them. Show up for myself. Make promises to myself and keep them. Just like I'm here every night to blog come high, low, and inbetween. The only way to make a dream reality, is to believe you can. |
| Frustrated, depressed and in a very low mood. Right now I really, really don’t want to be here. I’ve avoided the computer all day. Spend the day reading novels in bed and I am contemplating grabbing a movie to tide over a few more hours before I sleep. But I’ve an obligation to myself to get these 600 words, and my blog written so here I am again, 9PM my time. I should feel great comfort in knowing how steadfastly I keep this promise to myself despite how miserable I feel. It’s strange because I used to think my bipolar cycle was a lot more regular then it seems to be. Because of my confusion over my mood swings of late I printed out a calendar and went over my blog entries since I returned to WDC tracking my highs and lows based on the content of those entries. It surprised me to see how inconsistent they really are. The first two weeks since I rejoined WDC were high, some were manic high and others average but high. Basically if I could maintain those kind of days consistently I’d be a very happy person. But of course manic highs lead to manic lows and those low days are scattered. I used to think it was a consistent three days every time but looking back while it often is three days it isn’t always three days. At this moment I’m into day four of a low. The thing is today is lower than the three days before it. It’s also pretty low on the scales of my lows. I’d like to curl up in a ball and forget the world exists. I’m easily frustrated with my children. A big part of my frustration comes from them doing things because they’re unsupervised that they shouldn’t be doing. For example, my 2yo spent a good portion of the day in the freezer with the freezer door open leading to a significant defrosting. This evening I put the child gate up again to keep him out of the kitchen. I have yet to get the house clean after they’ve rampaged through it however and the mice will enjoy the feast of cereal on the floor tonight. I SHOULD clean but in a low like this I can’t even force myself and that’s part of what makes me hate myself. It’s also why this sort of thing becomes a vicious cycle. And the self-hate is a definite sign of a seriously bad low. 200 words to go. I’m just rambling in this bad mood of mine tossing words on a page. I should be talking about my NaNo book but I can’t be bothered. I’m here because I promised myself these words. The fact that I’m here in this incredible low is probably a good sign that things will turn up right eventually. But right now I’m dumping just to get 600 words over and down with so I can return to hermitage. Interesting that I get about 100 words in a paragraph sometimes. And yet I’ve already written six so shouldn’t my 600 words be over already? I guess some of my paragraphs aren’t as many words as the one above. Especially if I make short paragraphs like the above. Ok, now I’m really pushing for the final fifty words. How sad is it that I keep looking at the word count, waiting for it to hit the 600 mark so I can give up for the night? Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one. Ignore me, this too will pass. |
| ... reminds me that right this minute the fireworks of the Kelmscott show are decorating the sky. I'm near enough to Kelmscott to hear the noise, it sounds like thunder and in the wind make the air feel like a dry storm is coming. The forecast is for stormy skies this weekend so chances are the morning will be covered in clouds. But right now the noise is of fireworks exploding in the distance. I know where to look for them but there is too much obstructing the view so I can't see the fireworks and I'm not interested enough to figure out where to position myself or climb on the roof so I can watch. lol The Kelmscott show is an extension of the Royal Show. The Royal show is huge, it takes up the showgrounds completely and they remain there for just over a week. Then a week later, after they've packed up, some of the rides and side shows come to Kelmscott, using the weekend to make some more money and clear more of the toys and showbags that were remainders from the weeklong show. My sister was working at the Royal Show and is working again this weekend at the Kelmscott show. The stalls are often run by backpackers, people looking to make a quick buck from work any monkey can do. It's hard work, tiring and hot, but the money is pretty decent and she used a week of her regular jobs paid holiday to work the show so ended up getting pay on top of pay which does her very well. She's saving up money to enjoy her holiday to Europe early next year. My energy is very flat at the moment. The temperature spiked today and it's still hot and humid at the moment so I'm pretty grumpy that my airconditioner isn't working yet. It would the perfect time to make use of it. The heat today mixed with a busy schedule has left me with a headache and I'm on a day three of my low. On an up note I had a tarot reading today. My mother and I both read the cards and we were visiting a friend who had a deck on her table so we pulled it out and had a personal reading each. Mine were rather insightful and very positive. It's given me a lot of encouragement to push ahead through all the lull I've been facing lately. In the end it seems things will look pretty good. It pointed out two major issues I have, one is my fear of success. Yes, I'm one of those people who are actually afraid to do well. I keep coming up with the idea that if I work hard and get published I'd have to keep doing it, over and over and over to support my family. In such a creative industry it's hard to come to terms with the expectation of continued success. I really can only take it as it comes however and know that I always have a safety net if I need it. The other issue is self-doubt. I often fail to acknowledge my own successes and as many who read my blog frequently have noticed I have some pretty strict expectations of myself. There is nothing wrong with holding myself accountable for all I do but I have to remember to reward myself for much successes. Most of the time I do something, it's brilliant, and I push it aside and move onto something new. Internally it's because I expect brilliance from myself so when I reach it I feel like that's exactly what is expected, passable. It's not something extraordinary. But because of how hard I come down on myself when I present less than brilliant I have to learn to acknowledge and reward myself when I do good. I don't believe in lowering the bar however. I expect brilliance because I know I can achieve it. To lower the bar allows me to lower my personal standard. I'd rather aim high and fail from time to time then aim low and never succeed in anything brilliant. Like an athlete constantly tries to break their own personal best rather than aiming to maintain their average. Of course that's nothing to the fact that last night I completely forgot to blog. *chuckles* *listens to Sherri's whistling all day long* Anyway, I figure stuff it. At least I remembered in the morning and made the day blue. I can get by with an "opps" from time to time. lol I redeem myself by remember at a reasonable hour tonight and making a semi reasonable post. *grins* |
| Ohh I think I forgot to blog last night. *ponder* Well time wise I can get one in before the day is done but not right now. So this is a placeholder, I'll come back and blog later. |
| *chuckles* I'm already letting myself down by being tired and uninspired. I did manage to get some housework done today which was a big step on my to do list but there is always plenty of that to tide me over. I haven't however accomplished very much with my writing. My head is ruminating over the travel book concept that's coming together for NaNo which is work in a way. Today I started thinking I need to do another run of poetry for contests. It hurt my RL pocket to replenish my GP's again and I realise that while I treat WDC GP's as a charity I'm not in the position at the moment to keep giving away so much. Therefore the PPP projects, and the 50/50 raffle are the only two expenses I'm allowing myself for the rest of this month. I'm going to enter as many poetry contests as I can manage and attempt to bring in some GP's doing that. Having said so much about what I need to get done I didn't get much of any of it done today. There were a few programs on TV I got hooked into during the day. A good movie and a couple of serials. They were worth watching so it wasn't wasted time so much, it just feels semi-unproductive because it didn't accomplish anything from my to-do list. Tomorrow my mother and I are going to see The Devil Wears Prada. It's a Mums and Bubs session which means there will be lots of mothers with their little ones. It makes it easier to manage Josh because he's no the only kid there. The tickets are cheaper and they have change facilities inside the cinema so if any of the mothers needed to they wouldn't miss any of the movie. I actually really enjoy the Mums and Bubs sessions, it's fun to share something like that with other people in my situation even if we don't actually chat with each other or anything. The environment is friendly and fun, and we all get to enjoy a good movie when so often it feels like we're excluded from doing things like that because of our little ones. I can tell Christmas is coming. The shops are starting in on their decorations and promotionals, the isles are filling with candy and junk food (more so than usual) and my diary is starting to be near to hand at all times. lol For 8 months of the year I barely remember to check the thing or have any need to use it. The other 4, the ones around Christmas and New Years it fills up and I start having to be careful not to double book things. *chuckles* It's good to be so busy, I enjoy the social activity. One of the things lined up is a National Bookcrossing. Bookcrossers across Australia are going to be doing mass releases on Saturday and I've got to register as many of my available books as I can before then. I was thinking of heading into Perth on a hunt for some of the books but odds are I won't find any. I've been a book crosser for more than a year now, possibly more like two and never come across a wild book. I've also not had any of my wilds 'caught' it gets depressing because I've released so many. I wish the whole concept would catch on because it would be fun if more people were involved. http://bookcrossing.com/referral/laffarsmith Another appointment I've got coming up is an Aura Photograph. A friend of mine owns a store where she sells spiritual products, you know crystals, books, tarot cards, cds, dream catchers, etc. all the stuff my step dad calles 'fruit loopy'. *chuckles* Anyway, around about every six months Carol hosts these Aura Photo sittings. I've never had my own done before but I've see the ones my mother has had done. She gets hers done at least once a year. I don't put my credit into it but I think it's intriguing so I'm going along out of curiosity. It should be fun. On the same day is a NaNo coffee shop meet in the city but I don't know if I'll be able to make that. I went to one last year but didn't stay very long. I was on my own, and I was seriously intimidated after having mad the trip. In fact it's amazing that I even managed to get there without freaking out let along sit down, have a quick drink and then get the hell out of there. lol I don't think I even really said anything to anyone. They probably wouldn't recognise me if I went along and at this point I haven't arranged a baby sitter. I'm still thinking about it. Tomorrow I have to go into the community center at some point too. It's a new term and I wanted to enrol in the writers group they have there each Monday. I don't know what to expect but am looking forward to it. The community center has a creche and they host a number of events in their function rooms, the writing group is just one of them, once a week. I attempted a writers group a while back at the library on Wednesday mornings but they didn't have a creche and everyone was much older than me, past the child stage. I felt out of place and uncomfortable and while they said I was welcome to bring Josh it was strange and difficult to try and keep him entertained and try and concentrate on the group. I'm hoping this time it will be easier. I'll have to make sure I keep up with vitamin B and get my sleep into order so that the anxiety won't control me. It's so easy to think big and then find myself unable to follow through because of my sociaphobia. I'm hoping to overcome that in this case because I really am interested in knowing more about the group and experiencing writing with others in real life. Anyway, it's getting late and this rambles has really gone for a few wanders. *chuckles* Definately time I pulled it to a close. Busy day tomorrow, so much to do, so little time. lol |
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I'll let you know when I get it done.