This is an ugly picture painted beautifully--and just goes to show what a talented, young lady you are and how courageous in how you're able to share this story!
I'm so glad that faithforever directed me your way in her blog!
I'll be back for more in the near future--in fact, I'm currently building a website, and you're going to be part of it!
I know of this woman who had her daughter as her shadow. She wasn't happy in her marriage, and she had gotten her daughter to believe that the two of them ruled the household and what the husband/father wanted out of life made no difference.
When the girl and someone who had been a platonic friend became serious, it wasn't long before the mother had come up with a flimsy excuse for not having the girls' boyfriend come around there or call any more.
The girl had a mind of her own, saw her boyfriend on the side, etc. and, when her mother found out, she kicked her out of the house (hoping, of course, that she would return and do her bidding).
The girl married the boy. In time, the marriage ended, and the girl came to the conclusion that she was gay and has been in a same-sex union for over 16 years.
Of course, her mother refers to them as a couple of filthy queers who spread disease. But this isn't all she does. She has said that her daughter ended up with a well-paying job by sleeping herself up the corporation ladder (which isn't true).
But, in short, this was a woman who wanted her daughter to always be her shadow, and she resented anyone who stood in the way of that.
The only one I couldn't figure out was 19 across, because I'm not a part of IM enough to be that familiar with it. As soon as I get a better motherboard, I should be better able to participate in that, too!
This game is a wonderful addition to our community. I think I'm going to go make one now!
This is a catchy, little story about young love, but there are a few things that need to be smoothed up some in order to make it easier to read and to know more about the characters.
Let me give you some suggestions:
1. First, proofread this story. There are a number of typos in it.
2. You might want to put a list of the cast members at the top with more description of them, such as their ages, appearance, etc.
3. Is the very loud whistle a teacher blowing a whistle for them to come in? Or, is it some kind of electronic signaling devise that serves the same purpose as a school bell? If it's a whistle blown by a teacher, that would mean that this is probably a grade-school romance. Do kids act like this in grade school? Would they be allowed to kiss?
4. Why are the other kids in trouble and out n the hall?
In short, flesh this story out a little more to make it easy to visualize. Even though this is a play where it doesn't have to be fleshed out like a story would because it's meant to be acted out, those in the play will need some more direction so that they'll have a handle and be able to play them as they're meant to be played.
This story is tons of fun (no pun intended)! I'm going to put a link to it on my profile page to give it a little attention--as well as making this a public review!
There are so many ways to go with this story!
In time, it's going to become a part of my blog in order to get even more participants!
I'm glad that you're writing fiction here--though, sadly, these kinds of things happen, and it isn't fiction.
This happened to someone I know online--right down to the drunk driver and the rain. He was quite young (college age) when it happened, and he's in his early forties now and still carries so much pain with him from that time.
A wonderfully-written story! So glad that you've decided to become a part of the neighborhood here!
Do you know what's missing from your story series?
Well! It certainly isn't quality, because it's overflowing with that.
What's missing is a link at the end of each story that will take you right to the next one.
How about adding them in order to make navigation a little easier. So...sue me! I'm lazy! LOL
Oh yes!
This will be the last public review I give of your series--that is, unless I have a way of doing it for the entire series--because I want for people to come and get right into this bunch of stories instead of getting spoilers, which would eventually happen as I go from one story to another reviewing it.
But this is just one more reminder to come and read this series--and it's also a public suggestion from me when it comes to doing a series:
People--always add a link to the next chapter for easier navigation! It makes a world of difference! As with this one, I like to gobble through the chapters like Ms. PacMan with as little hesitation as possible during those times when I have a big block of reading time. Having convenient links makes all of the difference in the world!
This is a really wonderful story! The ending brought tears to my eyes--and it was a very unexpected ending. I didn't see it coming until it hit me right between the eyes.
I'm anxious to read more of your stories about this family, because I'm sure that every single one of them will be a gift well worth the unwrapping!
How can I complain about a system such as this where I actually get rewarded for wordiness instead of simply being told things such as "You talk too much!" or "Shut your blankity-blank pie-hole!"?
This is definitely an amazing site you have here. One question: Since you seem to operate it 24/7, do you ever deal with your upper and lower eyelids trying to stick together from lack of sleep?
One of my New Year's resolutions is going to be to get back to keeping more regular bedtime hours--and not necessarily waiting for 2006 to begin before starting!
If not, I'm going to end up with the eyelids of a toad. It's a wonder that I still have all of my eyelashes (or new ones have grown in or not enough missing to count yet).
P.S. I'm intentionally inviting eavesdroppers to this review and encouraging them to send a few GPs your way in order to keep these little perks going!
I have mixed feelings about our involvement in Iraq.
I definitely thought that we should go in there as we did and that Bush made the right decision--but I still hope that there will be some kind of cutting off point so that it doesn't just drag on and on the way that Vietnam did.
The dragging on of Vietnam is nothing that I'd blame on a single one of the soldiers, and they fought a good fight. It was depressing how they came home to no big parades when they had every right to come home to big parades and richly deserved them.
I really like your story a lot and could picture the different characters.
One of my instructors in college went through something like Vince did during World War II.
He and his buddy were in a jeep, and he was driving. But he was starting to get tired of driving and asked his buddy to take over. Not long after they'd switched places and traveled on up the road, shrapnel entered from the front and aimed at the driver.
Every part of his body above the protection of the dashboard was no longer in existence.
My instructor could be grouchy as a bear and all macho and tough--and knowing this about him, I can understand why.
I found your wonderful story when I entered the word "Biloxi" into the site search.
A short time ago, I finished setting up a forum for discussing both Hurricane Katrina and the people and places affected by it, and I'm inviting people to come there and share their thoughts/memories/information/ etc.
Your writing shows you to be familiar with this place, so I'm next going to check out your port and see where you're from.
Anyway, I want you to share a bitem to this story here:
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1006935 by Not Available.
Do this along with any other thoughts/memories/etc. you have of the area. Visit there as often as you wish, and invite others to come, too.
I have so many memories of being like the little kids mentioned in your story, and I also remember the seagulls there (as well as back in 1983 when part of the beach was set aside to be the nesting grounds for the least terns--who turned out to be extremely territorial).
There have been countless nights of riding along Hwy. 90 with my folks, uncle, and cousins after going somewhere to eat and looking at the reflection of the moon making the waters of the Gulf of Mexico shimmer.
I'm just glad that the lighthouse is still standing!
(Note: Be warned that it's at least slightly-gross and a tad bawdy. Don't say I didn't warn you!!!)
Just think! If the kids had decided to take the money, they could have gone around telling people that they won it in a crap game!!! LOLOLOL
To all of those reading this public review, I just wanted to let you know that I met this guy at
the "Invalid Item" , which just goes to show that you never know what/whom you might find hanging around over there!
This is the first piece I've read by this clown, and I have a feeling--both judging by this piece and how he describes himself in his public profile--that he's going to be an interesting person to read more of!!!
Not only am I going to feature this in a blog-entry I'm about to do now but, also, I'm making this a public review in order to get more of an audience for it.
My motives for doing this aren't entirely unselfish, because I've just taken advantage of your service in order to give out Terri Schindler-Schiavo related information, and I'm sure that I'll be using this in the future, too, for other things (e.g. promoting my soon-to-be-opened website, etc.).
You had mentioned not having a lot of hits to this as of now. Hopefully, that will change as more and more people realize what a great place for sharing this is!
I usually use the public review to bring an exceptional piece of writing to the attention of more people--and, often, to introduce the writer, too.
There are times, for instance, when I will say that what I'm reviewing just scratches the surface of what is found there (doing this especially when one or more of the writings in the reviewed writer's port somehow relate to the one that I'm reviewing).
And I'm putting your great advice up for public review, speaking of public reviews!
Frankly, I think that everybody should read about your wonderful aunt--and, especially, young people who seem to have such a struggle with body-image these days.
Like your aunt, I'm also a big woman--and one who is very familiar with those comfy mumus and bare feet.
As for myself, I'm hoping to lose weight--yet, even if I die weighing 1000 pounds or more, I still count for something and I'm still First Class!
People who don't believe that don't have a clue!!!
And teachers who let kids get away with taunting other kids not only don't have a clue but they're part of the problem.
And the media-elite that worsens this body-image problem with their misguided spins on trendiness are totally inexcusablr!!!
Anyone reading this who has a child as young as third grade should be sharing this wonderful story with him/her.
I hope that lots of teachers will read this, because your aunt is a wonderful role-model in how she lived the message that what really counts is the person you are on the inside!!!
Speaking as a daughter--and an only child--had this happened to my folks, myself, and my unborn sibling when I was growing up, I would vote for keeping my Mommy.
The way I look at it, this would be within God's will.
Of course, I knew of another case (that happened long before I was born) where there was a family of three with one on the way.
The doctor had strong concerns about this woman getting pregnant again.
She had had her daughter along with a twin son who was stillborn.
Later, she'd had a stillborn daughter.
And each pregnancy had gotten more and more risky.
As it turned out, this woman and her husband both lived into their eighties, and their son and daughter are now 67 and 80 with kids of their own.
The risky baby--which turned out to be a very easy birth--is one of my very best friends, and I can't even imagine life without him.
Yet, I would have opted for the pregnancy to have been terminated if just given the facts.
Sometimes, you just don't know what to do.
I know one thing that really ticked me off.
There was this woman who had about a dozen or so babies in the womb, and she was advised to select a few to have aborted in order to make more room in the womb for the others.
But she had known of many other multiple births of a supposedly-impossible number, so she made the decision to keep them all.
As it turned out, none of them survived, and there were actually people out there who had the nerve to accuse her of just keeping the babies alive in order to be famous.
However, had she aborted a few of them, there would have been small minds out there who would have called her "selfish," "wicked," etc.
Perhaps, the best advice to others would be not to put down a woman for her decision (either way) unless you have walked a mile in her womb--expecially, when it comes to something being a matter of life and death (or wrecked health).
As for your story, it was beautifully-written, and I could really feel for that couple!
Only a single star for this, because I hate to think of Richard being gone from here.
I, too, need to take time away from here in order to spend time both at other websites and to be with my real world loved ones--but I don't see myself ever leaving here 100% or even close to that.
Yet, I can understand where Richard's coming from, and I wish him all of the best.
So give this single star to Richard--
Tell him that it represents my disappointment and how much that I'll miss him.
Even though I haven't been around here as much as I once was, it was just nice to know that Richard was here in the neighborhood.
He has done so many really sweet things for me--and I know that I'm not alone in being able to say this.
Yet, also, take this single star and think of it as a wishing star--that Richard's fondest dreams and wishes will come true!!!
He's a real gem, and his sons are blessed to have him for a dad!!!
Send him my love (plus, enough love to go around to the special people in his life, including you and Dottie)!!!
Only one item in this folder so far, but, if that one article is any indication of how this folder will be filled in the future, it's worth so much more than the five stars I'm giving it!!!
I'm putting this on the reviewing page so that people will now have the link I neglected to include in my review of this one article--which can be reached by going to this folder and clicking on it.
This is a contact page for the President and Vice-President--and I hope people reading this review will use the info found in the following link:
I wasn't even at the convention, but you have me in happy tears by your very description of it!!!
You know, those two ought to decide to be on A Wedding Story that comes on The Learning Channel.
Hope all's well with you! What's that crutch all about? Shows just how absent I've been around here lately--just can't keep up with everyone! Hope you're now through with being on crutches.
Am currently on a cool retreat and pop in and out at home where I mess around with my computer for a little while, so I have a lot of catching up to do at all of my sites.
My latest "baby" is the website I'm designing.
At this time, I'm making it look more professional. By this evening, you should be able to see it looking more polished than it is right now.
It's done through a cool site builder that allows me to tinker around with things and then upload them for public view when I feel they're ready.
As I discover new things (ways to improve), you'll find things I've already installed looking better.
Also, this site will always be growing, because i'm linking it to other places (here, for instance) that are always growing!!!
This will also work to my advantage, because, when I'm done, I'll have in one handy place all of the online places that I write for with any regularity at all--meaning that it will be easier for me to visit them.
You might wait until tonight when it really looks a lot more polished, as I'm currently making some changes and adding new things, which I'll be uploading a little later on.
Well, this is about it for now!
Again, I really loved your description of this beautiful event--and everything leading up to it--because it placed me right there!!!
What a way to find out that two of my favorite people have gotten engaged!!!
Right now, I'm just giddy!!!
I don't have much time at this time to hang around long, but I've now got to get over to their ports and get their take on all of this!!!
So, you have one of those horrid knees, too!
I can think of about one good thing about mine: It has gotten me pampered by a few studmuffins!!! Other than that, it can go jump in the lake!!!
This is a wonderful legacy to Gina's intense spirit. She obviously felt things very deeply--which is beautiful as a whole but, sadly, also made her decide to leave this phase of life too soon.
Anyway, I really loved this account and feel like bouncing all over the place!!!
I just noticed that you're a newbie, and I just want to welcome you to the neighborhood!
This is a lovely and haunting poem with so much imagry--the part about the blood and grime being on his sword was really spooky--especially, when the poem ends with the tables being turned!
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.26 seconds at 8:01pm on May 26, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
