Short and to the point, but 100% right on target!!!
I remember how it "was" from my childhood (born in 1946) and those truly were the "good old days!"
How it is now as compared to yesteryear, you have portrayed so accurately. It is truly a sad reality, and one which makes us all fear for what kind of life today's children will have.
This should be printed in a national magazine for all to read.
The best thing I like about it is that it is very "positive" and it is an awesome way to help little ones learn how to act in ways that are both acceptable and will make them happier as well.
Were There Any Errors I Noted
None noted.
Did I Learn Anything From This Item?
Rather than "learn" per se, I was "reminded" of some important truths that will hopefully help me when I'm dealing with difficulties that arise with my 2-yr. old granddaughter who can be very challenging to care for (she's into hitting..which especially isn't cool when she wants to hurt her baby brother).
General Comments About This Item
Some of the lines that I particularly love:
...what's inside your mind's more powerful than wealth.
...only you can let him steal your joy.
...respecting others means that I'm respecting me.
I'm so glad you shared this in your portfolio for all to see.
Because poetry is the one genre of writing that I feel least equipped to review, I read, and re-read this very slowly and thoughtfully a good many times before I decided I would not change a thing.
Overall, it expresses your feelings of having a book of poetry published, in a sweet and thoughtful manner.
The first section, last line, lets me know you were quite confident this book of poetry was in good order for publication.
I like the "picture" of the second section. After all the work of putting it together to your liking, it was edited (which is always to be expected) and accepted by the publisher. Bravo! The last line of that section is quite fitting as in the "joy of the moment" you wouldn't dwell on, nor recall what changes were made.
The third section I could relate to as well. What we have in our minds eye as being "just perfect" is always somewhat different from the publisher's "eye".
Pictures do add a lot to books, though, and in my opinion, sending too many is better than sending too few!
When I got to the last section, I could just imagine the excitement of your book being held in your hands, to view and admire,
***************
In my opinion, to get anything published....be it an article or a book, is a big accomplishment and one to be rightly proud of.
The memories you shared of years gone by...they caused me to pause and reflect on my childhood as well, to include my winters growing up in Wisconsin.
Were There Any Errors I Noted or Suggestions?
In your first para., 3rd sentence, the wording is a bit awkward. I would suggest rewriting that to say, "He enlisted in the service at a time where..."
In the third para., "My Dad's parents ..." When preceded by "My" then it should be "dad's" without the capital D. (I hope I haven't confused you with this point...) Regardless of where in a sentence it is "my" will cause the person following it to be lowercase...such as (It was Father's store.....It was my father's store)
This is not an error but just a suggestion. With your happy memory ending, I would use an exclamation point after that final sentence instead of a period to give it added emphasis.
Did I Learn Anything From This Item?
In learning about your winter experiences, I was able to remember so many of my own as well. It made for a pleasant look back to my childhood in the mid 40's thru early 60's. I grew up in Wisconsin and while our snowstorms were never as fierce as the Nor'easter's Maine is subjected to, I could well recall my winters of clearing the sidewalks and snowfalls that so beautifully covered our tall pine trees.
General Comments About This Item
This was a very pleasant story to read. You provided enough description and events to draw the reader right into the family of your childhood.
A definite "feel-good" story, with the perrrrfect ending!
The warm, homey flavor of the story. Nice and positive with a "feel good" taste.
Were There Any Errors I Noted
While I noted no errors per say, I would change the work "skated" in this sentence to "shuffling" as they did not literally have ice skates on.
"...arm-grabbing and steadying of each other as they skated to the cars,..."
Did I Learn Anything From This Item?
Definitely...learned of a great new recipe to try out.
General Comments About This Item
I liked the way you set the stage so the reader could almost feel as if he/she were a part of the family get-together and then put the recipe at the end.
The honest recounting of how one pastor's important, yet difficult message stayed with you throughout your life.
Were There Any Errors I Noted
No errors per se, but even though the word Adversity is used in the title, I felt it was "over-used" somewhat throughout the story.
In the first paragraph you'll note that the word "adversity" is used twice and the two words line up at the beginning of the 2nd and 3rd sentence. You might want to either change the second usage of it, or change the second sentence just a bit to where the second use of it doesn't fall right under the first one.
For several paragraphs you did use other words to express "adversity" but as you get to the latter half of the story, that word becomes overused again.
Did I Learn Anything From This Item?
This story was very moving and so many, to include myself, can relate to it as the majority of us have problems to endure. I learned much about you as your ability to be open and honest are what makes this story so valuable.
General Comments About This Item
On a personal note, I could sure relate to the part of the story about how difficult it has been to "let go" of your son and trust God to help him grow through the trials he bears. My son is 28 and I still have a hard time giving him totally over to God. My son is Adhd and Clinically Depressed while his wife suffers with Bi-Polar Depression and it is hard for me to be at peace when problems present themselves in his family...especially since they have two little ones, a toddler and a baby who I know from experience, are affected by their tension and stress.
Overall, this is a very important story you've written about and I'm glad to have read it.
Having been a social worker and also having grown up in an home where my parents were verbally and physically abusive to each other, the story caught and held my attention.
Were There Any Errors I Noted
One suggestion I would have is about 1/3 way into the story you have the sentence, "A moment later the first of two West Hollywood Sheriff's cruisers arrived." followed by a space and then another one line sentence. I think the two of these should go together as they really fit together.
There weren't any errors per se, but both in the beginning and again near the bottom of the story, you'll note that some of the paragraphs are indented further than the rest of them.
Did I Learn Anything From This Item?
I applaud your getting involved in this situation as most people will look the other way and ignore what is happening to strangers.
General Comments About This Item
Overall, I think you did a very good job of writing this in such a way that I, as the reader, was not left with any questions. You covered it as thoroughly as a newspaper reporter would.
Great job! BTW, a hearty welcome to you as a new member of WDC.!!!
The straight forward reporting of this critical subject!
Were There Any Errors I Noted
None noted.
Did I Learn Anything From This Item?
Yes, your article is so very informative that I couldn't help but learn some things I had not previously known.
General Comments About This Item
I feel this was a very helpful, educational article and I totally agree with much of what you reported. People are way too unconcerned about their health and well-being today...those who are are in the minority!
By way of personal input, I will just say that over a period of five months, I lost 25 pounds simply because I was sick of being so "out of shape" and I knew I was compromising my health. I didn't use any fancy program...just plain common sense in eating and I always made sure I didn't skip breakfast which really is the most important meal of the day...something I had skipped for years and years before. At a recent check-up, I was shocked to learn my high blood pressure was suddenly back to normal...dropped from 160/90 down to a much healthier 122/68!
Thank you for this excellent article!!! I hope many people will read/review and most importantly, follow your advice!
Hi Kiya, in my attempt to review every member of Images in Ink you are next in the member listing. It is truly my privilege to have chosen to review this item.
What Did I Especially Like About This Item?
This is just absolutely fabulous Kiya. So extremely informative and helpful and just what I (and likely many others) need as a guide to setting up their own website on WDC.
Were There Any Errors I Noted
I sure didn't notice any but then again, I was so engrossed in how helpful this item is that I wouldn't have seen an error if it had jumped out in front of my face.
Did I Learn Anything From This Item?
Oodles and oodles of things. This item will be invaluable to me in setting up my own website, for which I thank you profusely!!!
General Comments About This Item
You are the best...this is written simply, with good examples, and easy for any beginner to use. An absolute A+ !!!
What lovely and original cNotes. Just looking at them has made me drool. I will definitely be back as a customer before long.
I chose to review this item because I love all things artistic, and I sure wasn't disappointed. The originality, the wonderful variety...they are all so very professional and of the highest quality.
Your complete, utter honesty! While I may not completely agree with everything you've stated, honesty is a trait that I greatly appreciate.
Were There Any Errors I Noted
While I didn't note any errors, I must admit I had never previously heard the term, "grammar wonk."
Did I Learn Anything From This Item?
In this essay I believe I learned more about you than I did about how to produce clean, well compiled articles. The writing world needs people like you to urge them on to becoming better writers. In reality, however, I believe some people will never be "good" writers, and yet it is possible to glean the good out of what they write.
General Comments About This Item
Well written, well thought out, full of good "common sense" practical ideas for better writing, yet perhaps a bit hard on those who write for enjoyment rather than perfection.
I welcome you to WDC and hope you will come to meet and know many of the writers on this site. There is truly something here for absolutely everyone!
The fact that it was so totally true to life, and the pure, honest emotion and reasoning that came through. It was so easy to feel the sorrow, the disappointment, the pain, etc. That is soooo important in a good story.
Were There Any Errors I Noted
None that I noted. The layout was perfect and no spelling errors detected.
Did I Learn Anything From This Item?
In my case, having been a social worker, parent, foster parent and now grandparent, I don't think I learned anything per se, but I did feel very connected to the story as you wrote it.
General Comments About This Item
Just an excellent piece of writing. This left me with no unanswered questions and gave me a crystal clear picture of all the players within it.
I'm glad you felt you could share these feelings...and I hope you are feeling better now! On WDC there are several excellent groups which are centered around depression..be it clinical, bi-polar or whatever. If you'd like a link to one of them, let me know!
As far as your writing is concerned, it is all very readable and well written but I would suggest breaking it into sections for easier reading...and it kind of gives the reader a place to take a breath.
I hope you'll be adding more items to your port soon.
The suspense was well expressed throughout the entire story, so naturally, I had to read it to the end to learn the entire picture of
Were There Any Errors I Noted
No, there were no errors. It's always wonderful to review an item that is error free.
Did I Learn Anything From This Item?
I was reminded in no uncertain terms of how fear breeds fear and affects our very faculties.
General Comments About This Item
I live in an area which is overrun with deer and to date we have had four car/deer accidents in the family. While they are beautiful animals, they can sure do a LOT of damage...even the small, young ones. I know we are always on the alert for those shining eyes...even in the middle of the town where entire families often cross the highway.
Couldn't help but chuckle when I got to the line "It doesn't seem possible that I've gotten old..." Wow, that one hits home way too clearly!!! Where have the years flown?
I loved each section of this though ... each one painted an excellent word picture that I could clearly see within my mind's eye. You have a wonderful ability to express your thoughts and ideas.
Animals are dear to my heart, there is nothing phony about any of them, so this story was a very sweet tale.
Were There Any Errors I Noted
Actually, I would suggest you first type your stories on a word processor with a spell check feature (most if not all have this), because there are quite a number of spelling errors. Then you can copy/paste it into the document you are creating on WDC.
Just to note a few:
* 3rd para. savaging on the streets... should be "scavaging".
* 4th para. shaggy yellow main... when referring to fur, that should be "mane".
* 6th para. Buggie cam slinking... You'll note your forgot the "e" on the end of "came."
General Comments About This Item
Even though this story was sad, it was written very creatively. I could put myself right into the "picture" and see the little animals in their environment.
Some of the comments the little animals make are quite significant and fitting in the human realm as well.
**************
I enjoyed reading this and believe you have a good mind for creating interesting stories with quality meanings.
I am happy you have become a member of WDC and know you will enjoy the many offerings available on this excellent site. If you have any questions, I'd be happy to help answer them.
The brutal honesty of what happens when a child is killed at a public intersection (or anywhere else for that matter). Your writing was "intent" and "purposeful", which drew me into this particular story.
Were There Any Errors I Noted
No errors, but there was one area which I felt was kind of "rough" ...In the sixth paragraph, beginning "The sunrise found ..." Within the first sentence we have "the parents made plans... followed right on the heels with the second sentence where "As parents chose where...} There is an element of redundancy with saying essential the same thing twice. The grieving parents were making burial plans for their beloved son. I would suggest rewriting the two sentences as one and then have a third sentence to say, "At the same time, people continued gathering to shake their heads and gossip near the shrine."
Did I Learn Anything From This Item?
While "learn" would be the inappropriate word for this it certainly opened my eyes anew to what happens when a child is killed in an accident. I had never given much thought to how the parents of the child might view the ever growing shrine to their lost child.
Your ending clearly shows the flip side to huge displays in honor of the one who has lost his life. And...it makes perfect sense! If it ever should happen to me, I certainly don't want the place of my death remembered as much as I do... who I was, why my life was worth living, and memories of those who loved me and why.
General Comments About This Item
The subject matter was well covered, with descriptions that painted excellent word pictures. This is also a much needed item since the loss of life is so universal that nearly everyone can identify with this story.
I pretty much liked everything about this item. Being an animal lover, I eagerly devour stories like this. Also, the humor element is so refreshing. Nothing makes me happier than humor, and your story abounds in it and the pictures are a great addition.
Were There Any Errors I Noted
Errors? What's an error? You do an excellent job of proofing your stories and it's refreshing to say there are no errors!
Did I Learn Anything From This Item?
I sure learned a lot about your animals.
General Comments About This Item
Overall, your story is well written, kept my attention from beginning to end and was much enjoyed.
The only line I would ask you to give a closer look at is the very beginning line of para. 5 ..."My little darling immediately put into her place my first adopted, Holly. I think this line would flow and read easier if slightly restated as follows:
"My little darling immediately put Holly, my first adopted, into her place."
Now with all that inspiration you've given me, I'll have to begin writing some stories about my hilarious cats!
Aside from the conversational tone which made me feel like you telling methe story personally, I loved your sense of humor. I almost felt bad for chuckling in a few places that likely were anything but funny when they happened to you.
Were There Any Errors I Noted
I didn't notice any errors. If there were one or two I missed them because of being engrossed in the story.
Did I Learn Anything From This Item?
I learned a lot about horses that I never knew.
General Comments About This Item
Some of your incidents retrieved a memory from deep in my past when I rode a horse and the bit fell out of his mouth. I felt and was totally helpless. Thank God the horse didn't take advantage of me and returned me to where I was supposed to be in one piece.
You are an excellent storyteller. I hope you will continue to add more to your portfolio!
I can identify with all you've written. Even with several published articles I still feel it is a long, hard, task to write something that will make it into print.
Keep up the good work and a hearty welcome to WDC.
Very well said, Poet! I understood this completely, probably because I could easily step back three years to when I was a newbie and realized how huge WDC is!
You won't be green for long hon. For now, just surf around the site, click on any stories or poems you think sound interesting. To find a listing of them easily, first go to "Item Jumps" under Site Navigation on the top left of each page, and when the next column show, choose "Auto Rewarded Items".
Once in there, you'll be able to click on whatever types of writing you want to read and review...poetry, short stories, etc. The neat thing about reading and reviewing from the Auto Reward section is that you'll gain WDC Gift Points as a bonus.
These are like money when you want to buy things on WDC and can also be gifted to other writers you may someday want to give some too.
Just enjoy getting to know this new community and in time you'll be an old hand at it. If you have any questions in the meantime, feel free to ask me and I'll help if I can.
The utter honesty you have approached this subject with. Something every educator should stop to read and ponder!
Were There Any Errors I Noted
Not that I noticed!
Did I Learn Anything From This Item?
Absolutely. It was of real interest to me because after my son, now 28, had finished first grade, as a mere 6-yr-old, teachers already had him pegged as having low potential...because he didn't "fit in". Your article was a real eye-opener.
General Comments About This Item
Teachers all over the world need to realize children are all different and have varied strengths and weaknesses. Standardized testing for one is something I think should be abolished. Thank you for taking the time to write this superb article.
It was my pleasure to read it.
The picture this story painted was one of great peace and serenity. I could easily picture myself in the midst of the great mountain and feel the connection between the mountain and the person who had made it her lifetime home.
Were There Any Errors I Noted
Mainly just an inconsistency in spacing. In the beginning you put a line space between paragraphs but then you forgot to..then you did again but in the last few paragraphs, you didn't again.
Did I Learn Anything From This Item?
While this was not a "learning" type of item, I must say it caused me to think of the awesome value of non-material things...and to appreciate the beauty of nature around me.
General Comments About This Item
Even though you wrote this for a contest, you did a good job of making this realistic and peaceful. A good item for someone who is stressed out to read.
Well, I don't know where you came up with the title of this but I love it...which means you will have to eventually bring all three of those items, {Bedpans, Bingo and Blackjack) into the story somehow. Lol
I want to give you a detailed review on this as I see one overall change that I feel must be made. Likely it will not be until the wee hours of tonight, however, as I babysit the grandkids until 11 p.m.
For some reason I'm incapable of concentrating with a 7 month old and a 2 yr. old to care for. Hmmm
Please do continue on with the saga...I want to know more! What I will likely do is take one or two of your paragraphs and revise them to where you can decide which approach is better.
Glad to see you writing. Keep it up!
Judy
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Judy
