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144 Public Reviews Given
146 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I usually use a template to move through the major facets of a piece, either prose or poetry. While reviewing, I note places that seem to stumble or that would benefit from technical attention as well as commenting on the over all flow and emotion of a piece.
I'm good at...
Punctuation and grammar is primarily where I focus, but I am also good at commenting on tone and movement of a piece.
Favorite Genres
I am open to reviewing nearly every genre.
Favorite Item Types
Short stories under 3000 words and poetry, both free verse and structured.
Public Reviews
Previous ... 1 -2- ... Next
26
26
Review of My Time to Shine  
Review by Kitty Can Write
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, there The Pop ! Thank you for entering your item at
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1784012 by Not Available.


*Baseball* *Football* *Basketball* *Bowling* *Golf* *Pool* *Soccer* *Star* *Soccer* *Pool* *Golf* *Bowling* *Basketball* *Football* *Baseball*


*Bowling* Overall Impression:I like the perspective you took in writing this piece. It's almost like fictional non-fiction *Bigsmile* I'm a sucker for baseball, and I think you told this story well. Something any fan could appreciate.


*Golf* Grammar & Spelling: There were a few grammatical issues that I have made suggestions for correcting, below--

For twenty two [years] I worked

I played a game for a living[;] the game of baseball

I am ranked 5th in [hitting].

What I’m getting at[,] is that I had a pretty productive career.

The problem with all of this is [that] I will forever

Mookie Wilson[,] who hit a lazy ground ball

Just bend your knees[,] Bill.

[Then] I started to remember

media doesn’t report [the] entire story.

“curse of the [B]ambino” that year.

Funny how life comes full [circle, isn't] it?


*Thought* Suggestions: I feel like your closing ling would actually better serve as an opening. I think that it would set the mood and the path the entry follows in a better manner. I enjoyed reading your piece and hope to see you enter next round!



*Exclaim*Remember that these are my personal thoughts and no ill intent is meant by any criticism given above!

Thank you for sharing your story!!

*Pencil* Write On! *Pencil*

Kitty Can Write
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27
27
Review of My Song  
Review by Kitty Can Write
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, there Liam ! I enjoyed reading My Song  and hope you find this feedback helpful!


*Heart* Overall Impression: I enjoyed the self-exploration in this piece. It felt very motivational and confident. You had a great way of showing that hard time breed success.

*Star* My Favorite Part: Your second stanza was my favorite. I could identify with being that rarely heard or seen bird always still pushing forward, doing my best. Great descriptions.

*Moon* Form: In your third stanza, lines 1 and 3 have 11 syllables, while the rest of the poem follows a 10 syllable sonnet scheme. I won't claim to be a professional sonnetier, but I think the sudden addition of another syllable in those lines threw of my flow, while reading.

*Balloonr* Grammar & Spelling: There were no issues that I noticed while reviewing.

*Thought* Suggestions: Other than my suggestion in the Form section, I don't have any! You have written a very lovely and motivational sonnet, here. Thank you for sharing this!


*Exclaim*Remember that these are my personal thoughts and no ill intent is meant by any criticism given above!

Thank you for sharing your story on Writing.com!!

*Pencil* Write On! *Pencil*

*PawPrints* Kitty Can Write

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28
28
Review by Kitty Can Write
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Hello, there DreamAngel7159 ! I hope you find this review in association with the amazing group "Invalid Item helpful!


*Rainbowl*WHAT I LIKED*RainbowR*

I enjoy the repetition in this piece. It gives it a great flow, summarizing in the final stanza.


*Rainbowl*WHAT NEEDS WORK*RainbowR*

I think that if you read your poem out loud to yourself, you might be able to break your longer lines into shorter lines for each stanzas. This might help with the visual appeal of the poem, as well. Poetry is verbal art! It's always fun to create something the has meaning and is visually stunning.


*Rainbowl*MY FAVORITE BITS*RainbowR*

The last stanza *Bigsmile* So romantic!


*Rainbowl*GRAMMAR/SPELLING*RainbowR*

With you[r] unique sense of humor,


*Rainbowl*SUGGESTIONS*RainbowR*

Only what was mentioned above. Thank you so much for sharing this romantic piece!



*Exclaim*Remember that these are my personal thoughts and no ill intent is meant by any criticism given above!

Thank you for sharing your talents on Writing.Com!


*Pencil* Write On! *Pencil*
Kitty Can Write


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29
29
Review of Trial and Error  
Review by Kitty Can Write
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, there Arosis ! Thank you for entering your item at
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1777962 by Not Available.


*Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird*


*Star*PROMPT CHOICE: Marilyn Monroe Quote *Star*

*Sun* Overall Impression: I had never heard of the story of Tam Lin before, so I looked it up. A lovely choice to use for this prompt.

*Moon* Grammar & Spelling: No major errors I saw while reviewing.

*Thought* Suggestions: I enjoyed this piece and your unique handle on the prompt you chose. You had good descriptions and an engaging theme. Nice work in this round!


*Exclaim*Remember that these are my personal thoughts and no ill intent is meant by any criticism given above!

Thank you for sharing your story!!

*Pencil* Write On! *Pencil*

Kitty Can Write
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30
30
Review by Kitty Can Write
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, there Swordarm ! Thank you for entering your item at
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1777962 by Not Available.


*Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird*


*Star*PROMPT CHOICE: Marilyn Monroe Quote *Star*

*Sun* Overall Impression: Well told! I like the irony in this story... She doesn't want to deal with his crankiness, but it is hers that loses her the prize! I hope Annette enjoys U2... *Bigsmile* Nice work with this prompt.

*Moon* Grammar & Spelling: No issues that I found while reviewing.

*Thought* Suggestions: None at this time! Nice work with your chosen prompt.


*Exclaim*Remember that these are my personal thoughts and no ill intent is meant by any criticism given above!

Thank you for sharing your story!!

*Pencil* Write On! *Pencil*

Kitty Can Write
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31
31
Review of Wake Up Call  
Review by Kitty Can Write
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, there tarabites ! Thank you for entering your item at
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1777962 by Not Available.


*Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird*


*Star*PROMPT CHOICE: Flabbergasted *Star*

*Sun* Overall Impression: I laughed out loud at this one. The innocence of children is such a beautiful thing. I love the description of the husband being a 'shaking, snorting lump'. Good job.

*Moon* Grammar & Spelling: just a moment[,] but she

*Thought* Suggestions: One suggestion I would make is to put a space between your paragraphs. This tends to make reading an item easier, making it a little friendlier to the eyes. Nice work with your descriptions and use of the prompt.


*Exclaim*Remember that these are my personal thoughts and no ill intent is meant by any criticism given above!

Thank you for sharing your story!!

*Pencil* Write On! *Pencil*

Kitty Can Write
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32
32
Review of Consequences  
Review by Kitty Can Write
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, there Coda Napeland ! Thank you for entering your item at
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1777962 by Not Available.


*Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird*


*Star*PROMPT CHOICE: Jealousy *Star*

*Sun* Overall Impression: I liked the romance and the whimsy in this piece. You took this for a turn right a the perfect moment. Very nice work telling this story.

*Moon* Grammar & Spelling: No major issues stood out during my review.

*Thought* Suggestions: I don't have any at this time -- you did a great job telling a complete story in 140 word that had a emotional impact and followed the contest prompt! Thanks for your entry!


*Exclaim*Remember that these are my personal thoughts and no ill intent is meant by any criticism given above!

Thank you for sharing your story!!

*Pencil* Write On! *Pencil*

Kitty Can Write
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33
33
Review of Love Letter  
Review by Kitty Can Write
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, there kayk ! Thank you for entering your item at
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1777962 by Not Available.




*Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird*


*Star*PROMPT CHOICE: Marilyn Monroe Quote *Star*

*Sun* Overall Impression: A love letter from a former lover to her lost love explains why she has left him.

*Moon* Grammar & Spelling:

I wanted to write a love letter[,] but

[W]hat I came to realize

you can[‘]t take the bad

*Thought* Suggestions: I liked the format you used for this prompt. It is easy to pick out which prompt you used without having to be told. I felt like there were some continuity issues, though. Layla starts out missing him, then says she know why he can't have her, and resolves that he should 'think about it'. Does she want him back, or is she telling him why they have to stay apart? I think if this issue were smoothed out, this would flow much better.


*Exclaim*Remember that these are my personal thoughts and no ill intent is meant by any criticism given above!

Thank you for sharing your story!!

*Pencil* Write On! *Pencil*

Kitty Can Write
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34
34
Review of Rebel  
Review by Kitty Can Write
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, there Greeniaus ! Thank you for entering your item at
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1777962 by Not Available.


*PointRight*REMEMBER: Item edits are only allowed until the round closes on June 26th!*PointLeft*


*Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird*


*Star*PROMPT CHOICE: Flabbergasted

*Sun* Overall Impression: A young man's mind rebels against him.

*Moon* Grammar & Spelling:

Sounds, sights, smells; all of them illusions[,] and all of them terrifying.

*Thought* Suggestions: I liked the premise of this, but I don't think that you have a complete story with a beginning, middle and end. You mention a wizard - what did this wizard do that made Kyle's mind rebel against itself? There isn't a feeling of finality in the ending, so this feels more like a snippet of a larger story, rather than a story that stands on its own. It's hard to write flash fiction! Keep working on it. It's a great challenge for any writer!


*Exclaim*Remember that these are my personal thoughts and no ill intent is meant by any criticism given above!

Thank you for sharing your story!!

*Pencil* Write On! *Pencil*

Kitty Can Write
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35
35
Review by Kitty Can Write
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Folders need love, too, and it looks like a review is in the cards for you! I hope you find this feedback helpful, June !


*SuitSpade* Overall Impression: I love the collection in this folder. What a fun set of installments. All neatly organize and easy to read through.

*SuitDiamond* Title: I love the title. Fun name, descriptive, intriguing description... All the makings of a good folder!

*SuitClub* Contents: 33 separate segments to the story line... Wow! You go! Everything fits into the title and the description.

*SuitHeart* Genres: Folder -> Hobby/Craft. Maybe a third could be added? You mention drama in the description, so maybe include it as a sub genre!

*PointRight* Suggestions: Just the one above! Lovely organization skills. Happy hooking! *Bigsmile*


*Exclaim*Remember that these are my personal thoughts and no ill intent is meant by any criticism given above!

Thank you for sharing your gift on Writing.com!!

*Pencil* Write On! *Pencil*

Kitty Can Write
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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
36
36
Review of Book Ends  
Review by Kitty Can Write
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Folders need love, too, and it looks like a review is in the cards for you! I hope you find this feedback helpful, The Milkman !


*SuitSpade* Overall Impression: We all have those items that just don’t seem to fit… anywhere! You have created a nice space for the odds and ends for your portfolio. A clean port is a happy port!

*SuitDiamond* Title: I love it. Book Ends! A very creative title for your whatnot items. Fitting for its contents, too!

*SuitClub* Contents: Miscellaneous items that don’t quite fit anywhere else in your port. Keeping things organized helps promote more views, I think. I know I prefert to visit well maintained ports! It’s much more inviting.

*SuitHeart* Genres: Folder -> Other. The genres fit the contents and title of the folder well.

*PointRight* Suggestions: Lovely work organizing your port! No suggestions to be made to improve this folder!


*Exclaim*Remember that these are my personal thoughts and no ill intent is meant by any criticism given above!

Thank you for sharing your gift on Writing.com!!

*Pencil* Write On! *Pencil*

Kitty Can Write
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37
37
Review by Kitty Can Write
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Folders need love, too! I hope you find this feedback helpful, WritingFan !


*SuitSpade* Overall Impression: Perfectly organized interactive story folder!

*SuitDiamond* Title: Why are they shrinking?! Oh no!! All are said to be stories that involve a theme of shrinking. Fun concept!

*SuitClub* Contents: All are interactive stories and are appropriate to the folder title

*SuitHeart* Genres: Folder -> Action/Adventure. From what I can tell, this fits well!

*PointRight* Suggestions: None! *Bigsmile* You have a very neatly organized folder, here, and a fun list of interactive inside. Nice job!


*Exclaim*Remember that these are my personal thoughts and no ill intent is meant by any criticism given above!

Thank you for sharing your gift on Writing.com!!

*Pencil* Write On! *Pencil*

Kitty Can Write
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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
38
38
Review of A white rose  
Review by Kitty Can Write
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi there, mrsvoelkel ! Thank you for submitting your item to be reviewed!
I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback from *CakeP*"Invalid Item*CakeB* helpful!



*Coffeer* Overall Impression: You obviously have a lot of mixed emotion over this lost relationship. Sometimes writing it out is part of the healing process, and I hope that writing this has started to help your heart heal. I think that everyone can relate to this item. We've all experienced heartbreak to one extreme or another. You have a few run on sentences and some comma issues in this piece -- I've made suggestions below, but here is a good reference to use for commas: http://www.unm.edu/~caps/caps-handouts/writing-cen...

*Coffeegr* Grammar & Spelling:

I hate how[,] even though years have come and gone, [remove 'that'] when it comes down to it, I still love you.

I will never forget the first time we met[,] and even after hours of pillow talk[,] my heart still soared among the butterflies when you wrapped your arms around me.

That single white rose was the only indication you gave that I was special and a letter that I choose not to open until it was too late. [You said that the rose was the only indication. Maybe change to ‘the only indications you gave that I was special were that single white rose, and a letter that I chose not to open until it was too late.’]

As fate should have it, we still found a way to each other[,] and for that electrifying time life was grand.

I was captivated in how easily I loved you [no comma needed here] and disgusted at how completely I destroyed you.

I was sentenced into a different life then[,] with new rules and obligations[,] and even though I wanted to hang onto you with all my humanly might[no comma needed here] until my arms pained to dull the burn of good bye, I knew it was over.

It hurt[;] it shattered me, dismantled me, broke me... for years[,] and no one could rival what I held for you[;] you were simply matchless.

Time has worked its magic[.] [I]n a sense, I am okay, I am healed…

I have seen your picture recently and you're different[;] your hair, your face, your image [-] all of it has changed[,] but still you hold me hostage in my own body.

It's something I just can't understand[:] we were so young, and it was a short time..

I often find myself thinking "what if"[,] but once the daydream fades[,] I realize that you hate me, and I have myself to thank.

So thank you[,] woman in the mirror[,] [who] let him slip through your fingers[.]

[T]hank you for the void that is nearly impossible to evade when strolling on memory lane, thank you for proving there truly is a thin line between love and hate[,] but thank you most of all for that short time you allowed for genuine, pure and uninhibited happiness.


*Coffeebl* Suggestions: I understand that this is a personal letter to a loved one. Emotion flows out of you very strongly in this letter. There is one thought that I had at the end of this letter... Were you still mad at yourself for letting him go, or were you happy to have had him in your life while you did? I think that your resolution became a bit muddled at the end.

Thank you for sharing this personal item with us. I hope you someday have the courage to tell him what you're holding inside.



*Exclaim*Remember that these are my personal thoughts and no ill intent is meant by any criticism given above!


*Pencil* Write On! *Pencil*
Kitty Can Write
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39
39
Review of apple, ch 1  
Review by Kitty Can Write
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Thank you for submitting your item to be reviewed!
I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback from *CakeP*"Invalid Item*CakeB* helpful!



*Coffeer* Overall Impression: There is a draw to this piece, but there is also something very incomplete feeling about it. I want to know more about Johnny and why he is there, what is happening to him, and who the others with him are.

*Coffeeo* Plot: Johnny wakes to find himself in a room with a group or strangers, one of which is trying to choke a girl to death. Johnny takes control of the situation as the chapter ends.

*Coffeey* Style and Voice: This story is told in present tense, third person. I don't know if this is the best for the mood of this piece. Third person might be just fine, but I think that perhaps present tense is keeping you from revealing vital information to your readers.

*Coffeeg* Setting: While it is obvious that Johnny and the others are in a dark room, I think that little was said about the actual surroundings. Use all five of your senses to describe this room through your narrator's eyes. Always remember that your reader doesn't know what you don't show them! I like to say that too much description is better than not enough. Paint an image for your reader - this will help them relate and connect to your story.

*Coffeeb* Characters: You have many characters, but you have really described none of them. Johnny's reactions to things are very flat, and I want to know why. Is it his personality? What made him this way? Tell his back story to help hook your readers. Reveal bits and pieces to draw them in. I'm not certain that your other characters react to their situation in a believable manner. None of them felt scared or panicked about their situation. The guy who was trying to kill the girl never spoke or reacted to Johnny at all. Try to put yourself in each of your character's place -- both major and minor characters. We often stop reading stories because we don't feel like a character is relate-able.

*Coffeev* Dialog: Your dialogue could also help tell more about your characters and their situation. Once you really know who your characters are and how they react to their setting, dialogue will become very smooth and natural.

*Coffeegr* Grammar & Spelling:

*Paragraph*‘Where the hell am I?’

*Paragraph*A chain bites into his flesh and fear pinches his thoughts.

"You have to help her!" A small voice came from his right, "[Y]ou and him are the [ the] only ones unchained to the chairs." [You can’t be ‘unchained to a chair’, but you could be ‘not chained’. You could also be ‘unchained from the chair’.]

"That was his chair[,]" [t]he voice came again.

"We don't know[. H]e just opened his folder and went after the girl."

He first examined the opened one[;] it had a small sheet of paper with the typed words "if you want to live, kill her."

It was a good thing it didn't say anything along the lines of "if you want to live", cause frankly, he could care less about living. [why?]

He takes the slip of paper and looks around, ignoring all the curious glances until he locks eyes on the girl[:] the girl someone wants him to save.

Well isn't that ironic[? H]e was to be the hero. [What makes this ironic?]

His black slacks were dirty and frayed at the bottoms and his [bare feet] were planted on each side of her chair in his death grip.

"You have to save her[! H]ow can you just sit there and let that monster kill her?" The same voice came again.

*Paragraph*"Please, just help her."

"Patrick, but my name isn't important[. H]er life is."

This guy was [hell-bent] on saving the girl and Johnny had a feeling he didn't even know her name.

As [the] those last six words flowed from Johnny's mouth, a chair down at the other end of the table slammed down onto the cement floors.

*Paragraph*"What did you just say?"

Johnny was weary of the [newcomer] and [chose] his next words wisely.

Johnny [stared] down at his chained hands and shook his head.

"If you[‘re] worried about the chains, don't be[;] they are far enough apart for you to help her."

Johnny wasn't afraid of the chains but of what they held[:] the hands of a killer.

Johnny looked down at her tear[-]stained face and could almost hear her begging for his help.

"Okay, what do I need to do[?]"


*Coffeebl* Suggestions: I have made many suggestions above that I think will help you improve your chapter. With some rounding out of your characters and their setting and emotions, I think this piece will come alive. You have a good start - good bones in place to tell your story through. Keep your reader in mind and good luck with your novel!


*Exclaim*Remember that these are my personal thoughts and no ill intent is meant by any criticism given above!


*Pencil* Write On! *Pencil*
Kitty Can Write
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40
40
Review of Short Side Trips  
Review by Kitty Can Write
Rated: E | (5.0)
Folders need love, too! I hope you find this feedback helpful!


*SuitSpade* Overall Impression: A very neatly organized port, overall. This folder has a creative name and description, adding to the uniqueness of your entire port!

*SuitDiamond* Title: It is a fitting title that will draw a port-surfer like myself in to want to see the contents.

*SuitClub* Contents: Many short stories, all highly rated. There are even two ribboned items -- great work!

*SuitHeart* Genres: Folder -> Other. Appropriate for the title and contents of this folder.

*PointRight* Suggestions: None! This was a lovely little gem to find. Your whole port is very clean and neat. I always appreciate when authors take care in the upkeep of their ports, and you have a fun unique way of displaying your work. *Bigsmile*


*Exclaim*Remember that these are my personal thoughts and no ill intent is meant by any criticism given above!

Thank you for sharing your gift on Writing.com!!

*Pencil* Write On! *Pencil*

Kitty Can Write
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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
41
41
Review of Dark Thoughts  
Review by Kitty Can Write
Rated: E | (4.5)
I found your poem today and I enjoyed reading it! I hope you find this feedback helpful!


*NoteR* Overall Impression/Emotional Impact: I felt like I was witnessing a sunrise. Nicely written in so few words!

*NoteO* Form: short verse, non-rhyming. I enjoyed the way this flowed.

*NoteG* Artistic Voice and Imagery: I felt a dusky cool evening being sung to daylight. Good description in this piece.

*NoteB* Grammar & Spelling: No issues noted.

*NoteV* Suggestions: The only qualm I might make is that you use 'dark' twice. Maybe 'dusk' for the first one or 'night' for the second. Overall, a nice piece of work!


*Exclaim*Remember that these are my personal thoughts and no ill intent is meant by any criticism given above!

Thank you for sharing your poetry on Writing.com!!

*Pencil* Write On! *Pencil*

Kitty Can Write
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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
42
42
Review of Glancing Tales  
Review by Kitty Can Write
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Folders need love, too! I hope you find this feedback helpful!


*Cut* Overall Impression: You have a very neatly organized port! I'm an organization freak. It help others navigate and get into your writing. Nice work!

*Paste* Title: Appropriate for the contents of the folder. No subfolders needed. Descriptive description -- was that redundant? *Bigsmile*

*Cut* Contents: Four static items, including one with a lovely ribbon! All items qualify as short stories.

*Paste* Genres: Folder -> Other. Appropriate for the contents and title of this folder.

*Star* Suggestions: None! Nicely done, great organization and inviting port overall.


*Exclaim*Remember that these are my personal thoughts and no ill intent is meant by any criticism given above!

Thank you for sharing your gift on Writing.com!!

*Pencil* Write On! *Pencil*

Kitty Can Write
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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
43
43
Review of Mommy, why...  
Review by Kitty Can Write
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I found your story randomly today! I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback helpful!


*Coffeer* Overall Impression: This is a concise flash piece with a very haunting and creepy tone. I very much enjoyed following the storyline throughout.

*Coffeeo* Plot: A woman wakes, thinking she has heard her daughter calling her. Unable to find her daughter, she finds the gruesome reason why.

*Coffeev* Dialog: The internal dialogue was nice. It felt real and tangible for the character.

*Coffeegr* Grammar & Spelling:

…from behind my flowered bedspread. But, no one was standing there. [Fragmented thought: Maybe this would flow smoother with ‘…from behind my flowered bedspread, but no one was standing there.’]

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror[,] and I grunted.

Another grunt muttered[, ] and I got into the shower.

It was after the shower, as I was brushing my teeth[,] when something caught my ear.

[Perhaps new paragraph here]“Kaitlyn?” I asked aloud.

I flung open the door[, ] and tramped down the steps, my feet pounding loudly on each wooden beam.

My mind raced[, ] as my body stumbled.

I leaned to my left side[, ] and grabbed hold of the banister next to the basement steps.

My body slowly turned[, ] and I saw the two mounds of dirt…


*Coffeebl* Suggestions: I have made a few above. This is a nicely written flash fiction piece that I felt myself get swept up in. Very nice work on drawing in your reader!


*Exclaim*Remember that these are my personal thoughts and no ill intent is meant by any criticism given above!

Thank you for sharing your story and your gift on Writing.com!!

*Pencil* Write On! *Pencil*

Kitty Can Write

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
44
44
Review of The Presentation  
Review by Kitty Can Write
Rated: E | (4.0)
I enjoyed reading your entry for the Short Shots contest, and hope you find this feedback helpful!


*Coffeer* Overall Impression: Wow... Meredith just can't cut a break, today. I can certainly say I can relate to similar situations, making this story a fun read.

*Coffeeo* Plot: Meredith wakes up just to realize she is late for possibly the biggest presentation of her life thus far. The story follows her folly after folly on her escapade to the office, only to find out what we all dread -- the meeting has been rescheduled. The plot line was engaging and playful with some comedy intermixed. I would have loved for Meredith to be called into her bosses office and have him tell her, however. The secretary relaying the message felt flat, and I think teasing her just that little bit longer with her thinking she was still going to make the presentation would make the lighthearted ending have a brighter impact.

*Coffeeg* Setting: The story starts in her apartment, ending in the office. Not a lot was said to describe the setting, but I don't think it detracts anything from this short story. The most important thing was the emotion and the journey to get to the office on time.

*Coffeeb* Characters: I can easily identify with the character. She seems down to earth and accessible. Nothing can wave her. She is going to make it to the office and she is going to make this presentation, gosh darnit!

*Coffeev* Dialog: Some of the dialogue felt written rather than natural, such as the first few exchanges between Meredith and Mr. Skinner. Sometimes, what helps me is thinking about a natural conversation I've had along these lines and trying to reflect that in the dialogue. It's a tricky think with minor characters when they interact with major ones!

*Coffeegr* Grammar & Spelling:

And you're oh, so late, crossed her mind as she hurried to get ready. [Wording is a little funny to read. Maybe ‘And you’re oh, so late’ she thought. Crossed her mind doesn’t feel like it flows well.]

It's a good thing you're OCD, she thought smiling. [Not sure I like this, since ‘you are OCD’ would read as ‘you are obsessive compulsive disorder’ in long form. Maybe ‘For once this OCD might be a good thing!’ or something along those lines]

Her clothes were laid out on the wing-back chair in the corner. To save time, she hurriedly slipped on her blouse as she half-ran [sprinted, maybe?] to the bathroom.

She quickly glanced at her watch. 8:25. "Don't panic. You still have time," she reminded herself. [Maybe add ‘reminded herself, trying to soothe her nerves’ to emphasis how important this meeting is to her and how stressed she is already?]

The trip down to the garage level seemed to take forever and as she shot out the opening doors, she collided with Mr. Skinner, the building [superintendent], sending him backwards and popping open her computer bag. [This sentence seems to run on. Maybe’ The trip down to the garage level seemed to take forever. As she shot out the opening doors, she collided with Mr. Skinner, the building superintendent, sending him backwards and popping open her computer bag.’ Also, is it a computer bag, or a briefcase? You’ve called it both, now, and I picture two different things in my head when reading them.]

…echoing in the dimness. [Is the parking garage poorly lit? Echoing bounces off of objects, not light, so this might be slightly confusing. Maybe ‘echoing on the concrete.’?]

The old[,] white Ford Taurus was sitting just where she left it.

Old [R]eliable[;] I can always count on you.

The tears that Meredith had felt before now began flowing down her cheeks as her frustration turned her cheeks red. [You use cheeks twice in this sentence. Maybe use face for the second?]

…bike and shoved off with a "Thank [y]ou" yelled over her shoulder.

It had been years since Meredith had ridden a bike [, which was] evident as she wobbled down the street.

[New paragraph here]The image seemed to agree and smiled back. She tucked in her blouse, wiped her face and patted her hair.

[New paragraph here]
"You're too tall anyway," she accused the mirror with a smile.

[New paragraph here]One thing she knew as she finally regained control and headed back to her bike - after today, the presentation was going to be a ride in the park! The thought made her start giggling again.

*Coffeebl* Suggestions: I've made a few above, and hopefully they are helpful! This was a sweet piece of writing, and I wish you luck!


*Exclaim*Remember that these are my personal thoughts and no ill intent is meant by any criticism given above!

Thank you for sharing your story and your gift on Writing.com!!

*Pencil* Write On! *Pencil*

Kitty Can Write

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
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Review of Flash Fiction  
Review by Kitty Can Write
Rated: E | (5.0)
Folders need love, too! I hope you find this feedback helpful!


*Cut* Overall Impression: A gathering space with a sub folder for winning or awarded items. Neatly organized.

*Paste* Title: Descriptive and appropriate for the contents of this folder, as well as for the sub folder.

*Cut* Contents: Everything inside is flash fiction (a favorite of mine!). Easy to navigate!

*Paste* Genres: Folder -> Other. Appropriate for the contents of this folder!

*Star* Suggestions: None! *Bigsmile* Your folder is neat and clean, making it easy to navigate and peruse. Nice organization!!


*Exclaim*Remember that these are my personal thoughts and no ill intent is meant by any criticism given above!

Thank you for sharing your gift on Writing.com!!

*Pencil* Write On! *Pencil*

Kitty Can Write
46
46
Review of Webs  
Review by Kitty Can Write
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Ooh! Deliciously dark. I enjoyed this quite a bit.
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47
Review by Kitty Can Write
Rated: E | (4.5)
This made me giggle. Short a sweet. I like it's simplicity.
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48
Review of First Baby  
Review by Kitty Can Write
Rated: E | (4.0)
A sweet set of personal-ku items that highlight the wonder and stress of being first time parents, from baby all the way to grandma. Very sweet.
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