My god. This is just horrible. I can't imagine how awful that was for a child to hear. It tells an important story that parents need to heed. Small children don't understand sarcasm, I found this out with my granddaughter. She is 8 years old and still doesn't get it.
She made a horrible mess one day trying to make us a snack. I looked at the totally trashed kitchen as she handed me a piece of dry toast and a glass of chocolate milk. I said, "Thanks," in my most sarcastic tone. She looked at me beaming a smile and said in all sincerity, "You're welcome Grandma."
Children only know what you tell them and they tend to believe everything you say. Sad poem with an important message. Thank you for sharing it.
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I love this poem. I did not even see that ending coming. I like to use this surprise technique in my own writing when I write short stories. I seldom see it done in poetry but when it is I think it's incredibly clever.
This poem tells a great story with a shocking and poignant ending. You did an outstanding job with pacing. Well done. :)
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Great message for a poem. This is why it is so important to have your priorities in order. I think the repeated lines throughout this poem really lend a dramatic impact that adds infinitely more emotion to it. Great choice of style and structure. You have a great talent for this. As I said you are a true poet, with great instincts. :)
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This poem is beautifully written and holds a very important and profound message. It brings to light how important it is to encourage and praise your children.
I actually think the final message and resolution is kind of mild and unclear. When you say,
"She only did as others did And no longer did they think She was a good girl"
I'm not real sure what you mean by that. I do know one thing though, if a child doesn't get praise and encouragement from their parents they will get it anywhere they can and not everyone who gives it to them have are good people who have their best interest in mind. A good girl can very quickly be convinced to go bad. :(
Great poem.
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You know this poem has an urgency about it and the beautiful everyday language makes it sound very profound BUT it is way too cryptic for me to understand. I can grasp a line here and there but as a whole I have no idea what has transpired or what is going on in this poem. Sorry.
I still love the language and flow of it however so I rated it about average still. :)
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This poem has a sad truth to it that many people in the world will never ever realize. What your role is in society may be judged by society but who you truly are on the inside is not quantifiable or subject for judgement by anyone but you and your maker.
The key is to never let societies opinions affect how you feel about yourself. You are not a society you are an individual and cannot not be accurately judged by their standards. It helps me to tell myself most of them are idiots hehe. :)
I love the poem and the message as usual.
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Wow... just wow. I'm thrilled by this poem. I have an affinity with the moon and one of my favorite things is lying outside or in my car and just watching the moon. It gives me a sense of peace and serenity that is beyond comforting.
Watching the moon is one of the view times that I am able to calm my mind and quiet my thoughts enough to enjoy a moment for myself.
This poem describes the beauty and tranquility of moon gazing better than I ever could. I really love it. Thank you so much for sharing this poem with me and reminding me how wonderfully peaceful a night outside can be. :)
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I love this little ditty and I will tell you why. As I said before I have suffered from depression all my life and there have been times when I was in such a deep dark place that I was little more than a living breathing husk of a human being.
At times like that a laugh means more to you than gold. Anything that reminds you there is hope that there is more to life than misery and sadness.
Well done, Itchy. :)
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Wow, I really like the ambiguity of the ending of this poem. I mean you can look at like the narrator feels they have nothing of use to give the beggar OR (this sucks) you can look at it like the narrator is too selfish to give the beggar anything.
I personally think it is the first one which makes the poem that much more sad, because everyone has something to offer. One man's trash is another man's treasure, right? hehe
Anyway, I love the poem again very thought provoking and moving.
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This little poem is so profound and so true. I suppose it represents the classic "grass is always greener," scenario. I don't know how many times I have heard children say when they grow up they are going to do ANYTHING they want.
I always want to tell them to enjoy what they have now. The carefree life of a child is nothing to be squandered because they will have even less freedom when they grow up.
Well written little concise poem. I love the format, very elegant and classy. :)
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Wow, this is a great plausible perspective from a President's daughter. I wonder how many of them actually feel this way. I bet this is very close to true for some of them. That makes it such a sad poem.
I love the way you wrote this piece with all the dialog. Dialog improves any piece of writing in my opinion. At least when it is done write and sounds natural which yours always does. Good job another great poem. :)
P.S. I love the little windows into what you think about Itchy. You are a very thoughtful person. :)
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This is a poem that asks a question I think everyone has asked at one time in their lives. The ironic thing is that the "have nots" ask the exact same question. Only the creator can answer why one person's path leads one way and another person's another. It is definitely a question I will ask should the chance ever arise. Great poem, very thought provoking. :)
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You have an incredible knack for reaching me with your writing. This poem describes a situation I have often wondered about. Is it better to lie and spare someone's feelings or tell them the truth and allow them to deal with it? I have always opted for telling the truth but I have hurt people along the way that I have never wanted to. It is a very difficult question.
The poem is beautifully written and formed. I love the rhythm, rhyme and flow of it. The language is both lovely and eloquent. I like everything about this poem except the implications. :(
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I like this poem very much because it sends a message I agree with whole-heartedly. You can't live your life filled with regrets. You have to learn to live with the choices you make and move on. Hopefully learning a thing or two along the way.
I love the fast paced rhythm of this poem. It is almost frantic in my mind. Or maybe that is just the way I read it to myself. It has a very cool effect though if read quickly. The words and phrases are clear concise and so easy to follow it makes for an a life affirming tale. Bravo.
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This poem really brought a smile to my face for a couple of reasons. First of all I remember staying with my grandma and grandpa and feeling exactly like this about it. I wanted to live with them so bad that I actually did for awhile. Everything is so much more fun at their house. They have so much more patience and understanding. You are allowed so many more freedoms. It's wonderful.
The other reason this poem made me smile is because I AM a grandma now and I know my little granddaughter feels this way about staying with me. She comes here for the summer and never wants to go home. And I love every minute of it. Thanks so much for summoning these wonderful memories. :)
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I like this poem very much. It is raw and real, an accurate example of a woman's shattered feelings. The pacing and flow are excellent. I love the line:
Oh, how deep the daggers reach...
One place I stumbled a bit was on the very last stanza. I think the rhythm is a bit off with the line:
And I'll acceptingly ache until I no longer ache from the core...
It could just be my imagination but that seems a bit off to me. What do you think?
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Okay now this poem is not morbid at all. This one is just 100% tragic. This is so sad and all too common unfortunately. I love the message of this piece. It's an important one. Tell your loved ones how you feel every chance you get because you never know when they won't be here anymore. Good job. I love this poem very much. Outstanding!
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Okay, I like the idea of this poem very much. It definitely appeals to my dark side. I think there is just a slight problem with the execution however. The transition from beautiful love poem to beautiful TRAGIC love poem is pretty rough.
You are going along thinking how lovely, oh that's so sweet to wham! In your face horror. It is quite abrupt. Which is cool if that is the way you meant it. I kind of like it but you know me (morbid). Most people will probable think it is kind of well... morbid hehe. :)
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This is so incredibly beautiful Itchy. I love it. You know this is exactly how every wedding should be. You really out did yourself on this one. The emotion and stunning visuals make this poem truly breathtaking. I am awed by the beauty of it. Thanks for sharing this one. :)
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This is hilarious. I laughed out loud. You could make a fortune selling this on bumper stickers hehe. I hope this is not the author's true feelings on marriage. It's pretty dismal. I have to admit though at times it's a pretty accurate assessment. :P
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I was really enjoying this poem during the first part but by the time it got to the end you kind of lost me. I love the message of the poem but the last stanza is confusing. It doesn't really seem to fit with the rest of the poem. It's almost like you are trying to convey two separate messages. I like the focus during the first part of the poem best. :)
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I feel for the voice of this poem. Only someone who has been loved by another that they could not love in return can know how difficult this is. It really is harder to hear someone tell you that they love you knowing you cannot return the sentiment.
No one wants to intentionally hurt another person in that way but you can't lie about your feelings either. Great poem, very sad but great none the less.
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Wow, what a great poem in a sad, awful and tragic way. The words and language are beautiful the message is clear and the tale is heartbreaking. The depth of emotion you summon in this piece is just incredible. I love it. It is so raw and unbridled. Outstanding job really. This is one of my favorites. Bravo.
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What an awesome story. I am amazed at the depth of detail and richness you convey through your story poems. The dialog between father and son is not only touching but believable with a natural flow. This is a charming tale of love and loss. It brought a lump to my throat and a tear to my eye. I loved it. Bravo.
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This poem is really something. The most disturbing thing about this poem is the truth to it. I have seen couples like them with my own eyes within my own family. It is truly heartbreaking to watch a relationship like this progress. The woman starts up vibrant and full of joy and ends up being crushed and a shell of her former self.
You describe this situation perfectly. You lend an insight into the mind of a woman who has faith the man is the hero she perceives him to be only to find out he is just a man. It is a sad tale but a real one. Well done.
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