This is a curious perspective you've taken here.
I can see that your Thinker takes an intelligent, introspective view of the world, measuring, gauging, but in the end, doing what?
Maybe that's not the point? I'm curious?
Very well written though. I honestly find no fault, and rather enjoyed reading it, but would have liked to see what the Thinker might have done with the insights gathered from his bench!
Oh this is beautifully written and delivered.
To understand what love means to your life, to know the impact it's lack would bring, and to be able to sing it as you have here, so heartfelt, is wonderful to behold!
Review This! (E) Do you like to review? Review the item of the day and receive gift points! #1365188 by Diane
This piece causes my own musty memories to raise up from their repose and shake off the dust. I was born in '53, in Omaha, Nebraska, and while I didn't live in the projects, I had friends who did, and y'know, it wasn't a stigma for us kids then, either. Only when we got to being older did that particular begin to make itself known, through whichever venues these things occur.
Point is, I and my (our!) group had every bit as much of a wonderful time of growing up as you make reference to in this lovely tribute to kids just going about the business of being kids!
Nice. Thanks for waking the memories of me, Mike and Nick, Patty, and all the others I grew up with and around!
Ok, I'm hooked. You got me with this chapter, Sara!
What a great twist, having two shifters suddenly becoming four, and promptly billowing that into colonies of shifters! Enough to affect the local gold standard, sounds like. That and undermine the motivations of everyone else on the Beetle!
Well, here I am again, back for a second helping, and I gotta give it to you, the story picks right up and continues to move along at cruising speed, so to speak.
I suppose I should point out that as a rule, I don't usually read book, or novel length work on WDC, 'cause, well, it takes a lot of time and commitment, which I prefer spending with poetry. I mean, I enjoy reading books and novels, but on my own, if you understand me. This is just the 2nd novel I've gotten through the 2nd chapter on, if that puts it into perspective.
And yes, it still lets me fall headlong into it!
I do find myself liking the characters as they're introduced, and wondering just how they'll play out.
So, having used all these words to say very little, I'm off to take up the next chapter!
Can't say as I've never felt the same way, in my own life.
The tone, the voicing if you prefer, doesn't sound desolate, but rather a quiet whisper, sotto voce, for a few moments respite to just be quiet within yourself.
I only noticed one simple typo: Line 10, first word probably wanted to be or instead of of, I imagine. And perhaps a small sprinkling of minor punctuation might help the transitions between thoughts. Just my suggestion, of course.
I must tell you this is quite an excellent poem. You have a skill with rhyme and meter, without losing the telling of the tale.
Fairly poignant, I'd say. An older gentleman on the homestretch of his journey, and quite aware of it.
The final two verses bring this point home eloquently.
Beautiful work. I'd like to offer you something of mine, but I can't just now find the link, so if you've a mind to visit my port, scroll down to From Afar. I hope you'll find it to your liking.
DRSmith, I do believe I've already told you what a masterful job this is. I know I've read it, when the Acme Comedy Poetry contest was in it's last round.
Contrats on the Award, sir!
It still read fabulously.
Paul (the fellow who P.O.'d Apollo, and found himself dropped into a veritable Water World!)
p.s. Having previously R&R'd this, I cheerfully refund the Auto-Reward!
A right fine yarn y'have going here. Almost puts me in a mind of a mix between Ice Pirates and any of the myriad bars in the original Star Wars} movies.
It's obviously well written and flows quite well. A person just falls into the story without realizing they've done so. I did go and read your "kingfiction.com" BIO, so that's not truly surprising.
I s'pose I'll just have to go on to the next chapter now.
I don't expect I have quite the relationship you seem to have with these legendary poets, but you've certainly brought some life to them. I nearly laughed out loud at: Oscar was driving them wild. A great play on the last name.
I've been checking out your port, and this poem was just sitting there, kind of tugging at me. I really appreciate the simplicity of this piece. Little written, much said! 'Tho I confess, it almost seems as if there are two distinct sentiments. The last four lines appear to be saying, "please, just give me some time alone to sort things out." Yet the first two lines give the impression of angst or anguish: Take what you perceive, and play ignorant with what is STILL there.
Perhaps I missed the boat. One never knows. The beauty of writing one thing, yet reading another is amazing.
You have an ability with rhyme and meter in the things I've read in your port. Maybe a little polishing or rearranging, but in my opinion, you're not a lost soul, poetry-wise.
I have a link to something called "Poetry Toolbox", which I will be happy to share with you, if you'd like? Let me know, ok?
Hi Nikola,
I'm Paul, and doing this review via "Review This!" .
First off, great title. Rocks for Mama. Very apropos.
I think your sisters, Kelsey and Emily are so believably seven and five that it's stunning. Not once did I get the impression that they were acting older- Just doing whatever they can conceive of 'cause mama is real sick, and we can help her get better, existing within the realities of what their lives truly are.
I think it's a touching children's story, that will give young girls a character to relate to.
This is what I took from the story, at any rate.
Thanks for letting me read it. As I'm fond of saying:
Review This! (E) Do you like to review? Review the item of the day and receive gift points! #1365188 by Diane
This is a pretty nice little snippet of a tale you have here. I really liked your opening words to this- they reach right out and grabbed my attention! And I think you did a very admirable job of leading us from that beginning, through the sad fellows tale, right up to the unexpected end.
Your writing was very easy to read and understand, and I didn't spot any typos or usage errors. Good job!
If I had to carp about anything, it would be that I felt just a tad skeptical that after the girl's ordeal, assuming it was something more than threats and verbal abuse, that she stabbed, then kissed, Sir Chester.
Beyond that 'tho, I say good job, and keep writing.
Let me be among the first to welcome you to this fabulous community of writers, readers, and people. I can't imagine you'll not find a niche, not after reading your very poignant poem!
I think you've created a very insightful piece. Many experience the feeling of fragility, uselessness, and a sense of merely gathering dust
I believe your title is very apropos to the story in the poem, too.
You should write more, and post 'em all! There are lots of us who are just waiting- I know I am!
Armadillo, is it? No, somehow, I just can't picture you rolling into a defensive ball!
And you certainly don't mill about with the other sheep and lemmings, do you?
Ok. Any person who stops periodically to take in the world around us has got to stand up and cheer upon reading this poem. Maybe not for the structure, but the content is overwhelmingly radioactive, and more to the point, the fingers are pointed in the right directions!
I applaud not only your direct approach, calling a "spade a spade", but your courage in standing up and calling out those responsible.
A very lovely poem you've written, sharing a personal moment with your twinkling friends.
I really liked how you personalized this, as if you were having a moments' heart-to-heart talk with a dear friend.
Scattered like jewels on black velvet
What a great visual!
I don't know if rhythm or pacing was part of your intent or not, but I found the lack of consistent pacing, and the varying meter from line to line somewhat distracting while reading this poem.
When I've fought and in anger
I can see a frown in you glitter:
These lines leave me confused. I don't rightly know what you're saying here. I think I might, but am unsure.
Review This! (E) Do you like to review? Review the item of the day and receive gift points! #1365188 by Diane
A very well written work, which caught my interest early on and brought me along nodding and wondering to the very end. I rate it 5, because in my opinion, it is extremely well written, and your characters are believable.
I must say though, that it left an overall dissatisfied taste in my mouth, because I felt Miss Julia showed an extreme capacity for being self-centered and seemed in the final analysis to be very shallow in her thoughts about her mother upon learning the true facts concerning her mother's actions regarding her long past "love". Not that I fault that, it just left me not caring all that much about a woman who "gets even" with her dead parent by choosing the path she took!
Still, as I said, I think you've done a very good job with this write, and I don't suppose that my liking or not liking a character's actions are germane to that aspect.
And so we should be inspired by children, for is it not we who have forgotten, while the joy of life still runs side by side with children?
We as adults tend to see life's hurdles as problems to be dealt with, or not, as our own strengths allow, while children simply seek to live and be part of life, not understanding that they cannot. And why is this? Perhaps because they truly can while it is WE who doubt? Hmm...
May I share something with you? From "The Prohpet" by Kahlil Gibran:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
What better to inspire us than "Life's longing for itself"?
This poem has beautiful insights, and a beautiful expression! Thanks for sharing it with me.
Oh my, this is absolutely awesome as well as awe inspiring! Were I a classic Christian, I'd believe this to be a description of heaven most high!
Alas, I'm neither classic nor Christian, so instead I find this to be a description of the heaven which is within us all waiting to be acknowledged, and I am very content with that.
Yes your brother IS a hero. As is every common soldier, sailor, marine and airman in the military! And your pride is justified in your brother.
I myself am a Vietnam veteran, and while I heartily praise the soldier, I wish there was someway we, as a race, could alleviate this seeming need for war. War is bad! War IS unnecessary. But the ordinary soldier is to be commended and appreciated for the sacrifice he or she so earnestly makes! The next time you see or speak to your brother, please tell him for me that his sacrifice is appreciated by a stranger, who has shared many "airport" moments, 'tho separated by time!
It's me again, and I truly hope there is more of you queuing up. I have never before so enjoyed reading someone's poetry aloud. At least no one still alive!
Beautiful! Smartly delivered! You understand the importance of words working within the meter and not meter working within the words. Thank-you. And I snickered all the way through. Bravo!
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I did go and read your "kingfiction.com" BIO, so that's not truly surprising.
