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166 Public Reviews Given
166 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I love reviewing and like to offer as many suggestions for improvement as I am able. I think about the review that I would like to receive and what would help me to be a better writer and try to provide the same
I'm good at...
I am good at picking up typos, grammatical errors. I can also offer advice of characterisation and plot set up.
Favorite Genres
Anything written
Least Favorite Genres
Nothing
Favorite Item Types
Short stories and novels
Least Favorite Item Types
Poetry
Public Reviews
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51
51
Review by SharonConnell
Rated: 13+ | (2.0)
Hello and thanks for sharing this lovely story.

It's really good and shows that you clearly have a talent for story telling. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Your spelling and grammar is perfect and I have little to say about improving in that area.

The only thing that detracted from the story was the dialogue. You used lots of different styles, none of which were correct. If you were more confident with your dialogue, parts of the story that seemed to ramble a little bit could be made far more interesting with the characters telling the story themselves.

Can I suggest that you do some research, there is plenty of information available on the Internet, or even here on this site about writing dialogue. Read other writers' work and practice practice practice.

I think you have a real winner with this piece and I know dialogue can be difficult, but you really need to get it right... It should look like this:

Leslie, attempted to console her, "It's alright sweetheart," he said, caressing her arm, "it's just a movie."

Please let me know when you have edited this, I would really appreciate the opportunity to read again with the dialogue errors corrected.

Thanks

Sharon :)



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
52
52
Review by SharonConnell
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi there and thank you for sharing this lovely story, I thoroughly enjoyed it.

The title suited the story, the first few lines captured my interest and the dialogue was very good. It's certainly a very well written piece.

There are a few grammar errors and typos that I think you will be able to pick up with a bit if proof reading, certainly nothing major. Perhaps if you come back to it with fresh eyes. If you would really like, I can go through it and tell you the ones I pick up, but you are clearly quite talented and most of the story was spot on and I think you know waft you are going :)

Overall, it was very well written, nice little story.

Well done

Thanks

Sharon :)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
53
53
Review of The Sight of Evil  
Review by SharonConnell
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi there and thank you for sharing this well written and intriguing story.

It was very well written, the spelling and grammar were spot on.

I will admit, I was waiting on a twist, I thought maybe Karen was the baddie in this story, however it was kind an interesting end regardless.

I found one typo (really nothing) and a couple of inconsistencies that slowed the story a little:

Paragraph seven- "turning the pages ever second" guessing should be every
Grant and Karen saw that his parent's range rover... " (Grant can't see)
Karen is knocks at his door in the beginning of the story, like she is a visitor, but later she lives with him?

Otherwise, it was really good and I look forward to seeing more of your work

Thanks

Sharon :)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
54
54
Review of StrongWoman  
Review by SharonConnell
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi there and thank you for sharing your story.

I have to say, it was quite exceptional. The dialogue was seamless and without any effort. It kept my interest the whole way through.

A couple of very minor corrections, that I could see. You used the word "Course" twice, the word course means movement or direction. I think "of course" or something similar would be better fitted. The other one is where you say the "timber" of his voice, the correct spelling (if I read correctly) is timbre.

Apart from those few incredibly minor things, your writing, style and word use was perfect.

Thank you for sharing and allowing me the opportunity to learn a little something from you with your dialogue.

Thanks

Sharon :)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
55
55
Review of The Fishing Hole  
Review by SharonConnell
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi there and thank you for sharing your work.

It was quite a nice little piece and a real pleasure to read.

I particularly enjoyed the ending. It was quite clever.

Just a couple of things that you could do to improve the flow:

"Yes I did" he said as we walked on - needs punctuation.
- needs to be a new line for each person's dialogue.

Otherwise it was an enjoyable little story.

Thanks again for sharing

Sharon :)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
56
56
Review by SharonConnell
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi there and thank you very much for your article. You were certainly fortunate to have teacher who understood so much about poetry. I also love it, but find it really difficult to review sometimes, because I realise (after reading your article) that it can be very personal for the writer. So often I read things and don't have a clue what it means or what it's trying to say.

I have printed out your article and hopefully it will not only make me better at reviewing but also help to develop my own poetry.

Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge. I really appreciate it

Thanks

Sharon :)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
57
57
Review of A Terrible Shame  
Review by SharonConnell
Rated: E | (3.0)
I really enjoyed this poem, thank you for sharing. It made me think of my children and their impatience with others' thoughts and opinions (branding them bores).

I don't have any thoughts for improvement, it is light hearted and full of humour although it won't be the poem that turns your rags to riches :)

Thank you for sharing

Sharon :)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
58
58
Review by SharonConnell
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello and thank you for sharing this thought provoking piece.

There were a couple of typos that interrupted the otherwise smooth flowing words:

"When we lose a loved one; we mourn our lose". - I would suggest that this reads - we mourn our loss.

" Yet, still it may feel as tho your heart will never heal." I think this should be changed to though

"And then, you realize..." the word "and" is a conjuntion and is used to join two parts of a sentence together. As a general rule we don't use "and" at the beginning of a sentence as it is not joining anything. Two things to think about - a) would the sentence function just as well without the initial conjunction? b) should the sentence be connected to the previous sentence.

I think paragraph spacing would also improve the readability.

Having said that, this piece really made me think. Thank you very much for sharing your thoughts and I hope that whatever pain that you are feeling eases over time.

Take care

Sharon :)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
59
59
Review of Second Chance  
Review by SharonConnell
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow! Can I just say this piece was brilliant! Well written, beautiful plot with a nice, feel good happy ending!

I wish that i could give you some suggestions for improvement but it's already perfect and as such, I have given it five stars! I thoroughly enjoyed every single word. Thank you very much for sharing.

Thank you :)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
60
60
Review of Trapped  
Review by SharonConnell
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hi and thanks for sharing!
A few small things that slowed up the flow.
* in the first paragraph, you have used the word "she" ten times, multiple times in each sentence.
* A loud, purposeful sound of footsteps... I feel that you have mixed up singular and plural in the one sentence. It should either- A loud footstep or THE loud footsteps.

Having said all that, I really enjoyed this piece. I could imagine the girl's fear and she hid behind the dustbins. The opening line captured my interest and demanded that I read on. Great effort, thank you for sharing!

61
61
Review by SharonConnell
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi there! Without having read any thing else of the series, this one was really interesting and made me want to read more. Makes me wonder what Jessica is after! I liked it!

Couple of grammar things... Can't help but pick them up, sorry :(

"The temperature had past one hundred degrees over an hours ago adding to his discomfort. "

"They Crawled into the corners of his eyes stubbornly refused to..."

Small things definitely, but little things like that throw me off the best story line and I start looking at typos... It's my job in the real world and I just can't seem to help it!!

Otherwise I really enjoyed it. Will try and make time to read some more

Thanks for sharing

Sharon :)
62
62
Review of The Lost Writer  
Review by SharonConnell
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi there!

Your piece is quite well written and I enjoyed reading it.

I do have a couple of technical things that I think may improve the flow of the story. I am by no means an expert, they are just my thoughts as a reader..

I feel that your paragraphs are too long, particularly the first one.

My other thought that it seems you chop and change between present and past tense sometimes, for example:
"Tonight the sky is full of stars, and I can see my breath in the air"
" I followed this blood trail with no avail."
"I yelled, but she just smiled and pulled the trigger; lights out. The pain was unbearable. I laid there in the snow"
" I open my eyes to find that..."

It's probably a small thing, but it slowed down the smooth flow of an otherwise very good story as I needed to back track to work out if it was happening or had already occurred.

Finally, I really did enjoy your story, it was interesting enough that it kept me reading right to the end. I love the fact that it was earl who saved him. Very clever idea.

Thank you for sharing

Sharon :)
63
63
Review of Let Go  
Review by SharonConnell
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Brilliantly put together!
Thank you :)
64
64
Review of The Resurrection  
Review by SharonConnell
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hi there!

Thank you for sharing your story with me! I quite liked your writing style and your ending was very different and suprising!

I really don't have any changes that I would recommend, your spelling and punctuation was brilliant and you built the tension slowly. It was well written.

I look forward to reading more from you

Thanks

Sharon :)
65
65
Review of Onward  
Review by SharonConnell
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello

Thanks for sharing your story with me. It was really good.

I only found one typo;

Back in the control room, someone took inhaled sharply. Unlike the hard swallow moments earlier, no one noticed. People were now completely riveted on the televised scene of the robot finally entering

Otherwise I really enjoyed it

Thank you

Sharon
66
66
Review of Permeation  
Review by SharonConnell
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I really enjoyed your writing. It was well written and the pace was brilliant. Kept me spellbound the whole time..

There was one part that slowed me up and I had to read back again to understand:

"You can see beyond the glass into those pale white eyes that are present to witness the end. They are all appalled at what you’ve done. Contemptuous looks engulf the crowd of people who mean absolutely nothing to you. My boss wasn’t there. He didn’t make it out of the office."

This paragraph where it changes from "I" to "you" and back to "I" again. I would have liked it better if it read:

Beyond the glass pale white eyes that are present to witness the end. They are all appalled at what i have done. Contemptuous looks engulf the crowd of people who mean absolutely nothing to me. My boss wasn’t there. He didn’t make it out of the office.

Otherwise I really enjoyed it.

Thanks for sharing

Sharon
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