You entered the 114th round at "Invalid Item" . This means that I am here to review your entry. I hope you find the review useful, if only to find out how well this particular item is received. Sit back and enjoy the feedback and attention. You deserve it.
First of all, let me Thank You, for allowing me to review your work. Remember that reviews are the opinions of those reading, and ultimately, the choice is yours on whether or not you choose to alter your item based on the input of others.
A picturesque tapestry of love is shown through this great work of art. Though reading the written word, the vivid imagery cast off was as if viewing in minds eye the fabric of love. A great poem of love and the magic of winter. Part of the reason I married in December...
This poem is well written. I cold find no error or technical issue to comment upon.
You entered the 114th round at "Invalid Item" . This means that I am here to review your entry. I hope you find the review useful, if only to find out how well this particular item is received. Sit back and enjoy the feedback and attention. You deserve it.
First of all, let me Thank You, for allowing me to review your work. Remember that reviews are the opinions of those reading, and ultimately, the choice is yours on whether or not you choose to alter your item based on the input of others.
I was taken back to school where the teacher would read us great works of poetry. The stories in poetic form were mesmerizing and a joy to hear. To be transported back to a happy memory is a powerful emotion. This poem did that for me. It is well written, tells of a legendary story and was great to read over and over.
As I sat here reading tears were welling in my eyes with the reality of the situation and what had transpired. As the tale was retold as to why Catherine withdrew inside we see a burden lifted off of both Catherine and John, while Abby's eyes are opened to reality.
One small brief glimmer is given that Norah is aware of much of her surroundings, much more than anyone gives her credit for, or would believe. Though this is glanced over, I am sure more of this will be revealed later. I look forward to exploring this added information.
One small technicality noticed:
~The sight of me sleeping for me is the breaking point and he closes the door...
Other than that, this is an intense piece as all characters seemed riveted to the spot awaiting the revelation as to the why of the situation.
As we move on to chapter 16, John's identity is revealed. I knew it was just a matter of time, and am glad that I guessed correctly. This is a transitional chapter that leads up to the drama and emotion that is sure to follow in the next chapter. The excitement is in the air for me the reader as I must continue on. I am caught in the web of mystery and I can't put down this book.
I am so engrossed and don't want to lose my place that when I do leave the house I have to leave the computer on and running.
Overall another great chapter. One small editing piece listed below.
Another riveting chapter. Here we find some more revealing information to propel us forward. I have included a few items to be looked into.
~John...who is he...is it I have been doing too much reviewing in between and have forgotten that he is the character from back in the first six or so chapters, if not, who is he, and why does Abby know that he just got here or that he has been cooped up somewhere else? (in reference to "John enjoy the first taste of freedom he has had in decades")
You have been selected as one of the lucky authors to be spotlighted by me for a review in conjunction with "Simply Positive Review Forum " . Each week, the individual members pick six items to review, or more, for group credit.
I am stopping in your port today, because I found your first few chapters of a story and had to read the whole novel. I have been slowly making my way through the story, chapter by chapter.
I hope you find the review useful, if only to find out how well this particular item is received. Sit back and enjoy the feedback and attention. You deserve it.
I consider it an honor to have found your port and this great piece of writing. Thank you for taking the time to submit writing into your port. It is a pleasure surfing through, trying to decide what to review.
Thoughts and expectations from the title:
The jury is out as far as the title goes. At times I think it very fitting, and others, such as with this chapter, I don't see the relevance, though I am sure in the end it will be an exact fit that is perfect and complimentary to the story.
How do I feel about the main protagonist?
The main character is full of turmoil and remorse. We finally see how deep the resentment had gone, and why it was so thick and hard to climb out of.
What impact do the secondary characters have?
Norah is the catalyst of the emotions felt both before, middle and end. She is the essence of where all of the agony is drawn. From how she was treated, to how she should be treated, and then finally, her words of comfort that release her father. She is an innocent caught up in the emotions of those who love her and she has been left to fend for herself. Her compassion she has developed show us the type of character she is molding into.
How do I feel about the pace, did it fit the genre?
The pace of this chapter is well fitted. Enough is revealed that we are able to see Michael's transformation in a timely manner and with great emotion.
Thoughts on emotion and imagery:
I was reading along, immersed in the story, until the last paragraph or so, as tears began to well up as I witnessed the scene before me. This was well written so that the reader is experiencing the emotions along with the characters.
Are there any technical issues I want to query?
~Slowly but surely we grew from lost in each other to lost in ourselves...
My overall thoughts:
Overall, another well written chapter, and I must hurry along to the next. Thank you for writing.
I had but one question after reading this chapter, and it was "how much time has transpired since chapter 12 and chapter 13?"
In 12 Michael had been in the facility for 3 weeks. At this point he is starting to see Reggie. Now that we are on to chapter 13, it doesn't feel right that only a day or two has passed, perhaps another couple of weeks have gone by allowing Reggie to creep into his thoughts.
One small adjustment needed in this one:
~I was the once one driving,
I truly am enjoying reading this book. Thank you for sharing it with me.
I had but one question after reading this chapter, and it was "how much time has transpired since chapter 12 and chapter 13?"
In 12 Michael had been in the facility for 3 weeks. At this point he is starting to see Reggie. Now that we are on to chapter 13, it doesn't feel right that only a day or two has passed, perhaps another couple of weeks have gone by allowing Reggie to creep into his thoughts.
One small adjustment needed in this one:
~I was the onceone driving,
I truly am enjoying reading this book. Thank you for sharing it with me.
Somehow I skipped ahead a chapter, and had to come back one. I am glad I did. It cleared up a few questions. I am not one who normally skips to the end or ahead, it kind of ruins things sometimes.
This is a great chapter. It isn't filler or fluff, but it helps to explain parts of the story. This shows Michael in transition. He is coming to terms with what has happened and the grieving process takes time. This shows that with clarity.
I only noticed one small error in technicals:
~ telling her that I hadhate the whiteness that pervades my room
This intense chapter had me riveted. I was caught up in the emotion and elation and had a hard time, just like Abby, letting go in the end. Michael is unaware of the fight for his life going on without his knowing. He isn't aware that this dream is what is keeping him from giving in to death.
Another great chapter. I only noticed one small editing note to comment upon.
Reading in sequence now so as not to miss anything, when I got to this chapter, I was totally confused. The opening paragraph couldn't have happened, so it must be one that Casey created as a way to get back at Abby. As this unfolds, the chapter is good, but a bit confusing. Perhaps the following chapter will shed light on this one.
I realize that Casey has changed the location and that she has some ulterior motives in play, but so much action is left unexplained that confusion is all that I could get upon reading this. Other than that, there are no technical, grammar or spelling issues noticed. Moving on to the next chapter...
Reading on I am engrossed in the story but found a bit of inconsistencies that got missed in the proofread. Other than those, this is still a great piece and I am moving on to the next chapter.
~in chapter 6 or 7 it is stated that all is left as it was when Abby died, everything on the mantle stayed the same down to the knick knacks, yet here it says all of the pictures have been packed away. Is this my reading too fast and misunderstanding the situation, or is this a contradiction in the story?
~ My mother was the one that taughtme that than underneath words....
Michael must come to terms with Claire leaving. This is a bittersweet chapter as we see the depths he sinks to before he comes out of his own private hell, to address the world around him. Norah in the meantime has suffered much and this is the catalyst that propels him into action.
I noticed but two small areas of technical issue:
~ trip will ononly remain believable for so long.
~Her friends are very important to themher and she is anxious for me to tell ...
Overall another well written chapter, and I am on to the next installment.
This is a heart wrenching chapter as Michael shows us how he feels about losing Abby and the fact that he regrets their last moments together. His anguish is accompanied by the fact that he has abandoned his daughter, pushed her away, to the point that when Claire leaves he will be left with a 4year old stranger who needs him, and he must step up to the plate, but can he. This is well written and I only saw one spot that needed any attention...
~She is leaving me at one of my weakest moments, (too much space between this sentence and the previous one as if something has been omitted)
I hadn't quite realized that more of the story was done until your email and simply had to go see what else there was. From this first piece, after reading the following five chapters, there is something missing. She doesn't follow Blaine, but that isn't shown here. Here we see her follow Blaine...but then she doesn't really. Maybe that is in chapter 6 or 7 but it feels like I am missing a big part of the story. Here are a few of the comments and areas I felt needed some attention in this prologue:
~and gently close closes over my own.
~ Blaine grew into...
~“Nobody here can see you anymore, me neither.” If Blaine can't see her, how can he reach out his hand to guide her and know that she is trying to get back to Michael?
~ I feel wronged and betrayed that I am no longer able to live my life without Michael and my precious daughter.Should it be that she can no longer live her life with Michael...
Overall on its own, this is a well written piece. It could stand on its own merit as a short story or then as it is the lead in to a very well written novel.
Riveted in the moment, as I get to the last few paragraphs, once again tears are in my eyes as I realize what is now happening and who this stranger is. The excitement has me riveted to my seat and I now see the relevance of chapter five and am glad I have gone back and read them all in sequence. I anxiously await further additions to this story.
A well written piece that is full of emotion that will make you smile and cry as you follow the story.
This chapter gives us a different perspective and we begin to see how Abby got where she is today. We see the hurt, the damage and the loss that has been in the lives since Abby has begun her existence in a strange new way. The pain and suffering are daggers that stab as each sentence reveals more and more.
Another well written chapter. There was only one part that held me up, and I have listed it below.
She does not want me to tell me the truth. I understand what this is saying in reference to the situation but each time I read it, it sounded confusing. Perhaps there is another way to say it and still fit in. "she does not want me to reveal to myself"... is one solution.
Once again, I am caught in the story and can't break away. So much for getting any housework done before heading off to work. Another wonderful chapter.
Having read chapter five I just had to come start at the beginning. As I sit here, tears flowing down my face, literally, I am caught up in the story and am now running late as I hurriedly type out this quick review. To say you moved me is an understatement. To be totally enveloped in the story that I could cry without knowing it is a fete few authors have been able to pull off, Barbara Delinsky is one of them.
This is an emotional piece, one that immediately draws you into the story and compels you to read further. And I will. I didn't notice any spelling, punctuation issues to comment upon.
My favorite part, the last few paragraphs that leave me NEEDING to read on, to find out what happens. But first, I must go wipe my eyes and throw some cold water on my face.
A wonderful story. It held my attention clear to the end. I was able to piece it all together as the story progressed.
I didn't notice any grammar, spelling or punctuation errors.This was well written.
This was a story that leads the reader to a conclusion bit by bit. As the story develops certain realities are opened so that at the end, we ask ourselves why we didn't see it in the beginning. A great piece of writing.
Sometimes it takes a shock to the system to break the mood, and this is just what these characters witnessed. In reading this I was moved from emotion to emotion and able to experience the scene as it unfolded. I lived in the character's shoes and was able to feel the weight of the house and all the memories it held, as the story opens up.
This is well written and was a joy to read. As usual, the grammar, spelling and punctuation are all in order. I always enjoy stopping in to read your stories for they transport me away from my day and give me insight into another world.
A great flash fiction entry. I hope you do well with the challenge.
You have been selected as one of the lucky authors to be spotlighted by me for a review in conjunction with "Simply Positive Review Forum " . Each week, the individual members pick six items to review, or more, for group credit.
I am stopping in your port today, because I found you in a new authors list. I was eager to see what you had in your port and this caught my eye.
I hope you find the review useful, if only to find out how well this particular item is received. Sit back and enjoy the feedback and attention. You deserve it.
I consider it an honor to have found your port and this great piece of writing. Thank you for taking the time to submit writing into your port. It is a pleasure surfing through your port, trying to decide what to review.
Thoughts and expectations from the title:
I feel that the title is fitting. This poem reads as an emotional letter, or thought sent to a father as to the what and why. This would draw me in as a reader.
How do I feel about the format of the poem?
I read this as a freestyle piece. The anger and sadness cascade down the page in a flow of accusation and question.
What impact does the placement of the poem have?
Not many authors, or readers, give much thought to placement or alignment, when it comes to poetry. It is my thought that something as simple as where or how you place a poem on the page, can add to its imagery. Poetry is up to the interpretation of the reader. What a poet writes, and the message a reader gets isn't always the same, especially when using metaphors. That being said, aligning a poem to the left of a page may imply unification; all is right in the world. Centering an item so that all the lines are askew, based upon the character count, can have the meaning of chaos and turmoil in life or emotion. Though keep in mind, this is just my personal feelings on the subject, and not all will agree with this. Though, it does give one something to consider.
My overall thoughts:
Overall I think this is a well written poem. It is sad and delivers a picturesque tapestry of death.
(hover your mouse over the intro to view the details) Intro
This review, the suggestions and views, are my personal opinions. My wish is for the review to be helpful and positive. Please take what you can or wish from the review, and disregard the rest.
HAH! I just learned something new about you dear old friend. I had no idea you were Irish, I knew there was something drawing me to you. I love the Irish, and why, because they are...Irish. What other reason need there be. Aside from all of that. Hello Hooves my friend. Glad to see you participating in a wonderful challenge. It has been eons, or so it seems since we had a chance to roam around the fields and talk. I had no idea about the health scare, and apologize for not being there for you.
What, give up DirectTV are you kidding. With all they have to offer. What could you be thinking. Of course, then again, if you aren't using it...
Change is often hard to accept by anyone in any form. I am dealing with that right now, and that is why I am still up at this hour. I would agree though, stay away from politics.
I am very proud of you for entering into this great contest. You have done a good job in declaring what you would like to change or do this next year and area already running the race and doing so. I wish you well with all of this and am blowing luck and success your way. Keep the wind at your back my friend. You have some wonderful things you are striving for and I aim to see you reach them.
(hover your mouse over the intro to view the details) Intro
This review, the suggestions and views, are my personal opinions. My wish is for the review to be helpful and positive. Please take what you can or wish from the review, and disregard the rest.
Thank you for taking the time to enter this contest. From the looks of things you will be very busy this next year with classes, contests, blogging and reading and lets not forget NANO. You have a full plate and then some.
Checking back in each month lets you re-asses your goals so that you are better prepared for the next month. You can see where you can improve and where you can cut back as well.
I wish you much luck and success with this endeavor.
(hover your mouse over the intro to view the details) Intro
This review, the suggestions and views, are my personal opinions. My wish is for the review to be helpful and positive. Please take what you can or wish from the review, and disregard the rest.
What began over six months ago has lead to the success and the realization that you CAN achieve your goals if you set yourself to it. Witnessing the changes you have instigated yourself, you are truly able to see the amazing things you can accomplish when you put your mind to it. With that in mind you start out this next year.
Your list is good and strong and you should be able to achieve the results you are desiring with perseverance and dedication. Though achievable, it is easy to get distracted and you have set up a way to check and monitor your progress.
There was one technical aspect to viewing this document and it was all of the added spacing. It allowed for the eye to wander and that was distracting. I would suggest tightening up the text.
Overall, this was a great letter and I wish you much success in reaching your goals.
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