*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile.php/notebook/drsmith
Please follow an 18+ rating.*
Me again, and double confused today.
What is this game of thrones thing I keep hearing about? Is it like playing musical toilets, or something like that?
Oy, not a good day.
Me again and still confused.
Trying to be wifey’s little helper backfired on me again when I ruined her Aran Island wool sweater.
“What in blue blazes were you thinking?” she screamed. “You can’t wash pure wool items with regular clothes, you nitwit! This won’t even fit a six-year-old now!” And she stormed off.
“How was I ‘sposed to know,” I yelled back. “Sheep are out in the rain all the time and they don’t shrink!”
Oy, I don’t think she heard me.
Me again, and still confused.
I don't understand why big pharma
continues to push its products as "effective and safe"
but list "Death" as a potential side effect?
I must be dumb, or something.
  •   2 comments
I would say 'something', as in being one of those people who see such wording on "effective and safe" medicine packages and say to themselves, "Wait...what?". Nothing at all wrong with that kind of 'something'.

Me again, and still confused.
The wife was huffin' and puffin' about my ineptness around the house lately
when blustering; "What would you do if I suddenly went on life support!"
I told her, "no problem. I'd unplug you, wait 15 seconds and plug you back in
and see if that works."
  •   1 comment
Someone's sleeping on the couch tonight! *Laugh*
• Edited
Me again, and still confused.
A burglar broke into my house last night
and woke me up when looking for money.
Since I was awake, I started searching with him.
  •   4 comments
Or you could have seached HIM for something in exchange for any money he found, or foil him and do it after he finds anything.
*Rolling* I mean, we all need to lend a helping hand when possible. Hope you two bonded.
s  
True (?) story. I was talking to a cop who told me that an old man got home from being at the RSL and found that his house had been broken into and ransacked. The thief made a mess but didn't seem to take anything; still, he rang the cops. He didn't own much and the house was sparsely furnished, so the mess stood out. They came and searched and the old man pointed out that the person had piled personal papers on the kitchen table. They'd been taken from the fridge and detailed doctor's appointments, drugs prescriptions, etc. And the diagnosis of a terminal illness. The police looked at it.

Under the pile was a note that said, "You need this more than me," and a $50 note.

The cop says he was one of the investigating officers.
• Edited
Me again, and still confused.
I was served a nice steak at the bar last night when a patron snidely ridiculed me for it.
"Why don't you meatheads be like us... a Vegan and help save the planet?"
After downing my first bite followed by a sip of a cold brewski, I responded:
"Y'all are no different than the bloody cows you despise...
all you do every day is eat veggies and fart."

Enjoyed me a great steak, and a free beer from the barkeep, lemme tell ya.
  •   3 comments
That was totally unfair. Humans are designed biologically to eat meat as well as plants. In fact we need meat as a primary source of protein, probably the most important food nutrient. Plus I don't see how not eating meat is "saving the planet", it's people like poachers and those who destroy ecosystems for financial gain that should be dealt with. Note: If someone has made a personal decision to be vegan, I'm not denouncing that in of itself. In fact I would respect it, but using it to attack like they did was just wrong.
To each their own, but I'd have joined you.
s  
I read a great study that showed if the whole world became Vegan:
1) a lot of animals would die slow and painful deaths because they have been bred as food/milk animals
2) the amount of agrable land needed to grow enough food to feed everyone would outstrip the land currently available and all the fresh water available
3) the amount of land needed would mean transport costs - and hence pollution through emissions - would increase dramatically, as more veg than meat is needed to give people the caloric energy needed to function (oh, and while electric vehicles weight so much, thus damaging roads more, so they'd need more upkeep, and use electricity gathered from fossil fuel power stations, they are hardly earth-savers)
4) humans have bodies designed to get proteins from meat, not veg; the only way to get these proteins would be through artificial means, and not one chemical company has proven themselves capable of doing something like that without messing up.

I was accosted by a Vegan a few years ago and she asked how I could eat a poor defenceless animal. I looked her in the eye, smiled, and said, "When we run out of cows, Vegans are next." She ran, told the hotel owner I'd threatened her, I told him what had happened, and he told her off for accosting his customers.
Me again and still confused.
A few regulars at the VFW asked me where I've been lately.
"I've been working on becoming an entrepreneur" I said.
And they all laughed at me; said I wasn't innovative enough.
I dunno, I thought I was going in the right direction... I sold my homing pigeon on EBAY 22 times already.
Me again, and still confused.
After watching a recent TV news show,
I tried donating blood today. But never again!
Too many stupid questions... like who's blood was it?
And where did I get it... and why is it in a couple mason jars, for Pete's sake?
Oy, still confused.
  •   2 comments
s  
Try asking for a withdrawal from a blood bank...
s - Good one. LOL
Dear DR Smith,

First time reader, which makes me a first time noter. I read your tale with the varmints and have one question. Where have you been hiding? I just jumped into your Notebook, scrolled and scrolled, sensing some confusion. My confusion has to do with info from your bio:
1. Here since 2005
2. Self described sporadic writer
3. Said writing perhaps somewhat humorous

What you see is indeed what you get. I don't read or note on my cell phone. With my laptop balancing on knees, bleary eyed from lack of sleep, I came back to visit the interactive story this morning...well you know the rest. I sat straight up, holding my side with the painful stitch from laughing so hard I thought I would puke. Your writing is awesome. In a short hour and two minutes, I have turned into your #1 fan.

Love,
tracker
Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.
Me again, and still confused.
I don't understand why the Govt is spending billions in search of intelligent life in space.
I mean... why don't they start with Congress, for pete's sake?
  •   4 comments
I wish that was only a joke…
They probably are playing the odds. There's a better chance to find intelligent life in deep space than in Congress. *Rolling*
That was so rich. *Rolling*
Me again, and still confused.
I don't understand why politicians say they care about us citizens, but act otherwise when passing legislation.
For example, Oregon recently made cocaine legal BUT they banned straws!
I mean... wouldn't that be frustrating as hell for its citizens?
Oy ve, still confused.
  •   6 comments
So you can snort the coke, just don't use a straw to do it. Gotcha! Makes perfect sense. *Crazy*

These are the clowns we elect to office, so we have no one to blame but ourselves.
I think the definition of politician should be:

Politician: Noun, A flibbertigibbet.

Poly means many & tics are blood sucking creatures.
Me again and still confused.
Huntermoon’s item about boredom made me think about our family reunion a couple years back. The family was reminiscing about how the internet has changed things.

Got me to wondering what our parents did to kill boredom so I asked my 17 brothers and sisters and they didn’t know either.
  •   4 comments
They probably watched corny soap operas, listened to vinal records, & read mushy romance (except for the Dads who most likely bet on the races). *Laugh*
Dave  
My dad had a workshop in the basement, and my mom quilted. Much more productive, in my humble opinion.
Massive Friendly Derg - I played in the woods, swam, snorkled, and sang a lot.
• Edited
Me again and still confused.
Why is everyone in here so worried about their spelling?
After all, we’re in a new high tech age with autocorrect for Pete’s sake for witch y’all should be internally grapefruit!
  •   6 comments
LinnAnn -book writer - maybe that is short-hand for "ought to" correct
correct,
it tolled me in a weigh
foxtale - my lap top wants to turn singular into plural, it's supposed to be singular. and their to there. It gets so much wrong.
Me again, and still confused.
Got into a hissy fit with a reviewer the other day
who penalized me, demanding I change a phrase.
He said, "Nothing rhymes with orange!"
I said, "no, it doesn't!"
Oy ve, I need another brandy.
  •   13 comments
Nothing rhymes with nothing which can be inferred as being a sporange (asexual spores) and oddly that does rhyme with orange!

Orange you glad I didn't say banana again?
HollisFrances - Just to add, the sporange, which is an asexual spore produces nothing. So, something produces nothing and nothing from nothing leaves nothing, to quote Billy Preston. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8HqyEHqEYho
Home on the range
item:2312675 request for review ends tomorrow
* Content and content ratings in this area are monitored solely by this member. Page owners have the ability to remove posts and/or block posters who do not follow the content rating or who post unwanted content. In addition, each member can block/ignore another member using the Block/Ignore Members" link on the Account Options screen.
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile.php/notebook/drsmith