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75 Public Reviews Given
299 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of Wake Up  
Review by AnderClunk
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Alethia,

This is a well written story. Your descriptions are very detailed and paint a vivid image. The ending was somewhat abrupt. Maybe some additional details about the lives of the women after Alyssa left for college would help remedy that.

I found some spelling miscues:

"bonefied" should be "bona fide".

"unfortunaItley" should be "unfortunately".

"hollwed" should be "hollowed".

I enjoyed reading this!

Anderclunk
2
2
Review of Quiet City  
Review by AnderClunk
Rated: E | (4.0)
Well done. Nice setting of a mood with your words. *Smile*

Suggestions: The 2nd verse could possibly be cleaned up a bit - for example "...the soft light of the quiet city entwined themselves" has mismatched nouns & pronouns - plural on one side and singular on the other. In verse 1, you have a spelling error - "beutiful" should be "beautiful".

Good job!



3
3
Review by AnderClunk
Rated: E | (4.0)
Nice job of relaying these childhood experiences. You have captured the child's perspective quite well. Although the stories you relate happened at the same time, they read almost like two different stories. I wonder if there's a way to make them seem more cohesive?

Anderclunk
4
4
Review by AnderClunk
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Good job of poetically conveying a story. It reads with gentle jabs of humor as if the story is being re-told at a family get-together. Nicely done.

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5
5
Review of The Nova  
Review by AnderClunk
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Kurt,

Great job on this. Well written and humorous. This is just dripping with satire. The only thing you might want ot change is the format to make it more reader-friendly. Excellent story.

Anderclunk
6
6
Review by AnderClunk
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Very well written. Great stage setter for what looks to be an interesting story. Good job.

A Suggestion:
"his albeit flawed understanding" sounds a little awkward. Most of the time I have encountered the word "albeit", it's surrounded by 2 adjectives. For example, in this case maybe something like "his limited albeit flawed understanding" would sound more natural.
7
7
Review of "Food City"  
Review by AnderClunk
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Very well written and funny. *Smile* Your descriptions of the scenario are outstanding. And clip on ties? Who would have thunk it? Great story!

Anderclunk
8
8
Review of A lone  
Review by AnderClunk
Rated: E | (4.0)
Well written. The poem starts off very strongly, but for me, it loses some of its focus with the line beginning with "Dead to the world". From this point, it almost seems to be a different poem, with a slightly different feeling and mood.
9
9
Review of A Worthy Quest  
Review by AnderClunk
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Nicely done and well written. The last verse should serve as a message to us all. The alliteration in the 1st line of the 2nd verse is a bit overboard for my taste, especially since little alliteration is used elsewhere in the piece. That line reminds me of that old Cheap Trick song, "Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap".

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10
10
Review by AnderClunk
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Nicely done. You maintained a good rhythm throughout the poem while relating that hopeless feeling that we all seem to have sometimes.

Tweaking these lines to be more personal may make them better describe the emotional state: "I cry like someone's been
Killed in recent days
Or the parting of the ways" For example, crying as if your best friend has gone would be much more impactful than crying as if "someone" went away.

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11
11
Review of Sanctuary  
Review by AnderClunk
Rated: E | (4.5)
Very nicely done, and well written, too. The adjectives you use in the first three verses (sharp edged, granite, dank) indicate one who was looking in for sanctuarry in all the wrong places. That is not true for the last verse. Great job.

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12
Review by AnderClunk
Rated: E | (4.5)
Very nicely done. This should be required reading for all new community members. Informative, and very well written and formatted. Great job.

One thing I have found from my experience, however, is that there are some (very few, in fact) members who make their items rateable only to get angry when they get anything less than a "5" or a "4.5". Poets seem to be especially sensitive, and some do not take kindly to any editing pointers. For this reason, I try to emphasize that any edits I may send are only suggestions and not to be considered the be-all, end-all for improving the piece. After all, like me, a good number of the reviewers on this site are amateurs, too!

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13
13
Review by AnderClunk
Rated: E | (5.0)
Very well done. This is very sad, but hopeful at the same time. The repitition works well. Nice job.

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14
14
Review of Four  
Review by AnderClunk
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Well written with a nice twist a the end that insures that this story will never be included in a Mother Goose collection! Though if she thought about it, even Mother Goose herself could find a valuable lesson in your words. Great job.

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15
15
Review of Just Loti  
Review by AnderClunk
Rated: E | (5.0)
Linda,

Nicely done! You have an excellent idea of who you are, what you like, and what you don't like. Your well-written mini bio gives the reader a solid glimpse of who you are. Great job.

Some Suggestions:
You may have mis-placed a comma here: "One thing I am not into, is self importance". Try moving the comma after "importance" instead.

You need a comma before the "but" here: "You won't find me at parties or large gatherings but"

"womens lib" should be "women's lib".

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16
16
Review of Wrinkles  
Review by AnderClunk
Rated: E | (4.5)
Humorous and well written. I know exactly what you mean. On the inside, I still feel the same as I always have. But, I guess I picked up a few "stories" along the way, too! Good job.

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17
17
Review of Accused  
Review by AnderClunk
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Nice writing. The reader gets a great sense of the accused's mindset from your story. The volcano analogy works well. Good job.

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18
18
Review of REUNION  
Review by AnderClunk
Rated: E | (4.5)
A chilling story, and well written, too. I found myself trying to guess what cicumstances had led to the stone with all the carved names in it, but the ending caught me by surprise anyway. Nicely done!

A Suggeetion:
"indentations that was his name" should be "indentations that were his name".

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19
19
Review by AnderClunk
Rated: E | (4.5)
Nicely done and well written. You have successfully captured the essence of a free spirit. I love the line, "Her smile finds itself on your face". Great job.

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20
Review by AnderClunk
Rated: E | (4.5)
I enjoyed reading this as a marked departure from what this "is not". The reader gets a good sense of the author's strength and the certainty from this piece. Well written. Great job.
21
21
Review of Please, Not Alone  
Review by AnderClunk
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Nicely written story. You described the main character very well, and the reader gets a good feel for what it was like in the old west. Good job.

Some Suggestions:
In the first paragraph, you have mixed verb tenses (can/could). Try and keep the verb tense consistent throughout.

"I sat on top of the ridge and seen his body below me" should be "I sat on top of the ridge and saw his body below me".

The meaning of this sentence is not clear, especially the part after the comma: "The man I worked for had crossed one of the big ranchers, and he did not have any back up in him." Maybe it can be re-worded a bit?

When the point of view of the story changes mid-way through, some sort of visual clue to the reader, such a line of dashes or asterisks, could help serve as a breaking point in the story.

The very last paragraph seems out of place or overly abrupt somehow. You may want to tweak that a bit to better meld with the story.
*****

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22
22
Review by AnderClunk
Rated: E | (5.0)
Valori76,

This is great advice for any potential reviewer to heed, and well written, too! I agree with your philosophy 100%. Excellent job.

Anderclunk
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23
Review of You  
Review by AnderClunk
Rated: E | (4.0)
Nice job. You have expressed the emotions of losing and finding love very well. Good writing.

Some Suggestions:
I couldn't quite grasp the meaning of "blue yet clear", especially when the following line was "radiating happiness". Blue usually indicates sadness. Maybe a tweak is in order for these lines to better?

"Silent I sat" should be "Silently I sat"

24
24
Review by AnderClunk
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
The idea you have here could be better told with more embellishment and character development. As it is now, it reads more like a series of bullett points than a story, especially near the end. Ue this as a starting point to delve into telling the story of what happened.
25
25
Review by AnderClunk
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I am really starting to enjoy the challenge of this. This is really a great idea. Ideas like this one are rare. Rarely have I enjoyed an In & Out like I do "What's Last is First". First I should have said great job.
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