 Spiritual: June 10, 2020 Issue [#10218] |
This week: On Forgiveness Edited by: Kit of House Lannister  
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Forgiveness is not easy. In fact, it can be excruciatingly difficult. If we are to move forward, however, we must learn to let go.
This week's Spiritual Newsletter is all about the difficult lessons life teaches us.
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Forgiveness. It’s a heavy word, as words go, I think. Because let’s face it, forgiveness is not always easy. Along life’s journey, we all get hurt, and sometimes this pain is dealt to us by the people we care for the most.
It’s easy to forgive someone for tiny errors. When these happen, we tend to remind ourselves that we are not perfect, either. We all say things that we didn’t mean to say, or our words simply come out wrong. We all do small things that we don’t intend to cause harm, only to realise, later on, that we should have done differently. When we’re on the receiving end of such errors it’s not that difficult to let them go. To forgive the other for the upset.
Forgiveness for bigger issues can take time. Usually, they are overcome by realising that we love the other person, and that we miss them. And, again, we may recall moments in the past when we, too, needed forgiveness for our actions. Many people will give others a second chance, realising that we are all human.
Sometimes, though, something happens that causes serious damage to the relationships between people. I know of parents and children who have not spoken with the other in many years. I know of families torn apart because the pain between them was so big that it couldn’t be mended. I know of relationships between romantic partners that are irreparably damaged. I know of people passing the other on the street without saying hello, whilst just months before they were the best of friends.
Sometimes relationships between people need to be ended because of unhealthy circumstances. This is sad but true.
But at other times what stands between people is hurt and anger, and occasionally a touch of pride.
Saying sorry is not always enough, and trust lost can be difficult to regain. However, it is also true in many cases that lingering resentment can cause more damage than managing forgiveness, however much of a struggle that can be.
Forgiving someone does not mean that you have to be best friends again, that you have to restore a relationship, or even have to talk to someone ever again. Forgiveness is about letting go, fully or up to a certain extent, of the pain and often anger aimed towards another person. Forgiveness is realising that, yes, you were hurt, but that the negative emotions of those memories are not worth clinging onto any longer. Forgiveness is realising that you can move on. That the other person has done you wrong, but that’s in the past now. For this reason, forgiveness can be liberating.
Perhaps the most difficult form of forgiveness is to forgive ourselves for the errors we make and for the things we’ve done wrong in the past. Such events can haunt us, often even years after whatever happened, happened. It’s not easy to recognise the damage that we’ve done and the hurt that we've caused. And it’s not always easy to apologize to the person on the receiving end of our actions. Sometimes it’s impossible to do so, because all contact has been cut off.
Again, holding on to this pain and anger towards ourselves can put a strain on our lives. The best thing to do is to learn from the mistakes we make. Analyse what went wrong, realise what exactly happened and how it made you and others feel, and take it for the lesson it has been. Some lessons in life are excruciatingly difficult, but they can be used to learn and grow as a person. And if you learn the lesson fully, quite often people will realise that you have changed, and they will give you another chance.
Forgiveness works both ways and can be healing, if you allow it to be.
Kit of House Lannister
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The Spiritual Newsletter Team
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