 Comedy: November 29, 2017 Issue [#8620] |
  Comedy
This week: The Hunt is On! Edited by: Ԝ€ß☆ԜiʈCH  
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Hello folks! I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving and are looking forward to the upcoming holiday festivities. At the Chez WebWitch, Christmas has always been an adventure in the past, that is, until about five years ago, when I no longer participated in the Christmas tree farm hunt for the perfect tree, with Web-Son. He has since found his own place of residence as every young-adult, Warlock does. His tree hunt has simplified to the faux-fir tree, reusable year after year. I imagine this choice was due to the fact that his Web~Mom, yours truly, has moved South for the winter ever since. Thus, not having WW to accompany him on the cold, icy trips through the tree farm to cut down the perfect tree after forty-five minutes of roaming through aisle after jagged-path-aisle of trees. Hence, after a sufficient interval of studious studying of potentials, we decide on the one tree to make the “cut.” Then we’d drag the tree through the paths until we worked our way to the stand to cash-out once the tree was measured. Wow, indeed, another fourteen foot tree to be placed within a room with an eight foot ceiling.
Impossible! You say? Nope, I have become very adept at tree manicuring, insuring the tree will fit within the provided height-space in the room.
'Oh, well, then WebWitch, you just cut six inches off the bottom, a terrible waste of tree-footage bucks, if you ask me.”
Well, actually, I didn’t cut the excess footage off the bottom, I cut it off the top and reshaped the “pyramid” shape. Thus, the result was a very full tree, with sturdy branches that could hold the copious Victorian ornaments collected throughout the years. It was ingenious, folks! 
That was then, this is now. Since wintering in Florida, I have, just as Web-Son, reduced the hunt to the purchase of a Martha Stewart, pre-lit tree. Each year, Martha gets pulled out of the closet, then the three sections stuck together and a general fluffing of the branches to make fake look “faux-real.”
This new tradition has worked for years, until this year. Yes, the urge to hunt for a newer look has hit the Web-Dom of this tropical paradise. No, I’m not talking about hitting the tree farms, since where I reside, those farms would be filled with palm trees. No, not at all. However, I am flipping through webpages of even more life-like Christmas trees than my old Martha, offers. The lights are the longer lasting LED lights pre-threaded, perfectly around each branch. I used to have Web-Son do that years ago. Three days later, the tree was ready. I believe he prided himself at getting up to 1500 lights throughout the tree, tightly and methodically woven within the branches. He was a illumination wizard! However, he is in his spot with his faux tree and I in mine, and I like mine pre-lit, because I do’t have his patience in the lighting department.
Now that I’ve talked myself into replacing Martha with a fresh, new faux fir, I had to come up with a way to convince Web-Lock, that Martha would be out of a job and a new “hunt” was on. It started something like this ...
“WebLock, I think it’s time to get rid of the ol’ Martha tree and get one that’s smaller and more manageable, you know, size-down a bit. It is a struggle pulling her out of her tightly wrapped box and sticking the parts together so as to match-up the connectors that make each tier’s lights work. Also, some of the lights are not lighting up anymore, causing us to purchase extra strands. Also, I am wanting a crisper look and just have the clear bulbs rather than the multi-colored ones. And ...”
“Whoa, WebWitch, you had me at downsize! This is a great idea. Also, we can place the old tree in the community flea market which is the Saturday after Thanksgiving. We’ll get a few bucks for her, and not have to mess with her illumination issues ever again. Yes, this is one ‘hunt’ I am all-in, on. ”
 “Ohhh, okay, Web-Lock. I’m glad you agree with me. To think I was a little worried about mentioning the idea of hunting for the next tree. You always hated the ‘hunt.’”
“No Webbie. I always hated romping through the snowy, icy woods to cut down a 'treezilla’ that was outrageously huge for the height dimensions of the room it was to be placed in. My hands were practically frostbitten by the time one was chosen and cut, and tired of branches whipping back into my face while we dragged the tree to the stand. Nope, hunting via the internet is a great plan.”
I have to tell you, folks. I was so thrilled he saw the beauty of hunting for a new beauty to decorate for the holidays. Christmas magic lies ahead in the South. However, I didn’t realize how difficult it would be to compare one tree from another by looking at Christmas trees for sale online. Now, I need to convince WL that we really need to see the trees in person to know if it is the right candidate for the Southern Web-Home. I’ll be working this out, but probably after this newsletter hits the comfort of your inbox. Stay tuned next month for the results of the new hunt, and what ever happened to Martha Stewart?  I have plans for her that WL doesn’t know about -- yet.
That’s all she wrote for this edition of the Comedy Newsletter.
Until next time--laugh hard, laugh often!
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Monty 
It really is a shame, leaving us up here in the snow belt while you enhance your tan and we get cold and white as our snow but being rugged enough to get by another winter will be a proud accomplishment. Thanks for the great feeling of sadness you have left us with.
Awww! I'm so sorry you felt a let down in the last Newsletter. Well, you'll always have Vermont and the snow -- lots and lots of snow, while I  when no snow shows on Christmas in South Florida. I'll sit on the beach and think of you, sweet man.  Merry Christmas, Monty! 
papadoc1
I must confess, our journey to the metropolis of Mount Airy, complete with the visit to the home of Andy Griffith who "lived here from 1936 to 1966" was quite interesting, for there before us was a little house, as far as houses go, but the REAL cool thing was it belonged to Andy... and it is living proof that he'd never let stardom go to his head! I liked that immensely about the man, whom I had great respect for as an actor (even though, to this day, I do get to funning his Ritz commercials!) Truth be told, it was really a decent community, filled with all manner of folks who, pilgrims all, had something to find to their heart's content.
All hopes for a beautiful drive north in the late Spring, WW!! I already have a new place for us picked out to visit!!
Where? Where, Web-Lock? Where are we going on the return spring-trip?  Inquiring witch-minds want to know!
Thank you for your feedback! We Newsletter editors love it!
Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays, folks!
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