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 |   A day in the life of... me! |
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A HUGE Thank you to Emily   for the beautiful ribbon  First place in "The Bard's Hall Contest"  for July/August 2012!A day in the life of... me! Sometimes I need to rant. Sometimes I have something burning on my mind. Sometimes I'm so angry I feel like reverting back to old coping mechanisms. So I thought a journal was a good idea! I feel ranting is an important part to life, everyone does it to some degree or another and it's not healthy to bottle things up inside. So for those moments where I feel a rant (or just a general thought) and want to get it off my chest, here it will be! However, ranting is not everything. Sometimes I just feel like I want to share something with someone, and often there is nobody to listen (wow that makes me sound sad! I do have friends but I tend to let them do the talking rather than share). So here I can get things off my chest, rant or be happy, whatever the mood ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| So I spent my day yesterday helping my partner's sister and her friend move home. They moved from a private bungalow (big but in poor condition) into a downstairs flat (smaller but better condition). I knew it would be hard. Initially the van had only been booked for four hours and most of the furniture was left whole. So that in itself was a huge problem. But there was also a trip to the incinerator needed as well as a trip to my flat with my new bed. Needless to say, we didn't manage to finish in those four hours. We ended up keeping the van all day (and paying extra). It was hard work and a lot of it under pressure, but it made me really realise something. I love my family to bits but they're sometimes a bit humour-challenged. My partner's family are always happy and smiling and laughing. I find myself growing more and more laid back and taking on the stance of laughing at everything. Better than crying! But yesterday was actually a lot of fun. I'm paying for it now. My muscles are aching and I only got a couple of hours sleep before having to get to work, but I don't regret it. Oooh I also got one of those really old, traditional rocking horses. It belonged to my partner's sister but because they're having to downsize she couldn't keep it. It was my partner that suggested we take it and spruce it up for my nephews. It's so sweet! So that's what we did And now we have a nice project to work on together.I think I'll be tired on Sunday too. I'm at work on Saturday night and I'm being picked up straight from work at 8am by my family and we're driving to Liverpool to go to the Beatles museum there. I'm quite looking forward to it even though I'm not a huge fan of them, but it'll be a nice day out and time spent with the family. |
| As I was on my way to work tonight I did the usual: settled into the car, locked the doors and belted the music. And so I found myself, halfway on route when all of a sudden a memory from a long time ago hit me with the sudden and blunt force of a freight train. And it hurt. Strange to think, the memory, though always there, hasn't hurt me like that for a long time. I'm not even sure where my thoughts where when it occurred but I had the realisation, for the first time, that I once had to run for my life. I never saw it like that. When I think back to it I know that I did what I had to, but now I realise, that if I hadn't done what I did, I might not be here today. Maybe it's that thought that terrified me. I don't know. I almost had to pull over and I've never had to do that. But then, strangely enough, after a few minutes, the thought and the memory began to fade away. Maybe it's something I can take forward with me, use in a story perhaps. |
| I'm aware of the fact that I only blogged like an hour ago but I'm sitting here stewing. I'm not angry or anything, just getting more emotional. I hate when I feel like this. And I know the solution is to get out and do something about it. So, I googled walking groups and sent an email off but when it came to being cheeky and asking my friend if I could join him and his friends... I balked. It's annoying me that I couldn't and then, I realised why. Fear of rejection. I'm scared that I'll be laughed at or fail or that I'll go and make a fool of myself when I can't keep up (these guys do it for a living). Or I'm scared I'll take the leap and ask to go and chicken out at the last minute. Although I consider myself a confident person I guess there's always an insecurity tucked deep inside that I'm not good enough and that I'll be judged by others. I try to tell myself it doesn't matter, that I'm me and if someone has a problem then they can deal with it... but every so often it does get to me. What I need to do... SUCK IT UP! Really. I do. Perhaps this is a one night only whinge and I will feel better tomorrow (or at least after I've had some sleep). |
| So apparently I'm feeling all emotional. At first, I had to wonder why. Things all seem to be fine at the minute, and then all of a sudden it hit me. Work. Don't get me wrong, I love my job. It can be challenging at times but it comes with the territory of working with homeless women who often have other issues along side that. No, that's not the problem. We recently got a new manager and while she seems lovely enough the day staff team, to which all the changes seem to be affecting, are all feeling quite low and as if they're not listened to. It's not the fact that they're telling me everything that's going on (it's nice to know and be kept in the loop) but I guess because they're all feeling fed up with the situation it feeds through to night staff too. Sometimes I only get ten minutes of contact with day staff during the handovers (at 8am or 10pm) and that's usually not enough so I'm finding myself staying well beyond the time I should have, nattering and consoling. I hate seeing the staff so unhappy in their roles. They're a fantastic staff team and I would hate to see the residents suffer because of the way things are being handled. Fingers crossed that changes soon otherwise I can see some big staffing changes and things like that will have a direct impact on the women we work with. In other news, things are fine. My room is just about finished. I bought a gorgeous pair of curtains that are waiting to be put up (I'd give it a go but scared in case I mess up because I have no paint leftover!) and will be getting (donated) a bed in the next couple of weeks. I'm so pleased. Although it's not really my style, it'll be a double bed (would you believe I've been sharing a single bed with my partner for four and a half years?! Granted, usually only three nights a week). So it'll be so great to have some space to stretch out. And that means my beloved single bed will be relegated to the spare room and the sofa bed I have there either passed on or donated to the local community shop. My partner's sister is moving into a new flat and is down sizing a little (which is how I'm getting the bed) so we're going to spend my days off helping to get it clean and tidy ready for that. Is it weird I'm looking forward to it?! I have decided I miss the outdoors. Starting this job and working irregular shifts means that the fact that I was out walking every other week has changed because they conflict and at most I can get out with them once every two months. At first it was okay but I've realised that I miss being out (after recently seeing some pictures of a friend who went hiking up in Scotland). So I'm thinking I need to find another group to go walking with (I can't go n my own because I have a terrible sense of direction and I would never be seen again!) or that I need to link myself further to this friend and bite the bullet and be cheeky and invite myself! Either way I have to get out more. I miss the country side. I miss the lakes. I miss seeing mountains and experiencing it all. It's something that I do for me and I have to keep doing it. I'm really looking forward to all of the birthday celebrations right here on WdC next month! Bring it all on Hopefully it'll inspire my muse (which seems to have evaporated since sending off The Doors again).Anyway, I think that's enough babble for now. Until next time  |
| So apparently I'm feeling all emotional. At first, I had to wonder why. Things all seem to be fine at the minute, and then all of a sudden it hit me. Work. Don't get me wrong, I love my job. It can be challenging at times but it comes with the territory of working with homeless women who often have other issues along side that. No, that's not the problem. We recently got a new manager and while she seems lovely enough the day staff team, to which all the changes seem to be affecting, are all feeling quite low and as if they're not listened to. It's not the fact that they're telling me everything that's going on (it's nice to know and be kept in the loop) but I guess because they're all feeling fed up with the situation it feeds through to night staff too. Sometimes I only get ten minutes of contact with day staff during the handovers (at 8am or 10pm) and that's usually not enough so I'm finding myself staying well beyond the time I should have, nattering and consoling. I hate seeing the staff so unhappy in their roles. They're a fantastic staff team and I would hate to see the residents suffer because of the way things are being handled. Fingers crossed that changes soon otherwise I can see some big staffing changes and things like that will have a direct impact on the women we work with. In other news, things are fine. My room is just about finished. I bought a gorgeous pair of curtains that are waiting to be put up (I'd give it a go but scared in case I mess up because I have no paint leftover!) and will be getting (donated) a bed in the next couple of weeks. I'm so pleased. Although it's not really my style, it'll be a double bed (would you believe I've been sharing a single bed with my partner for four and a half years?! Granted, usually only three nights a week). So it'll be so great to have some space to stretch out. And that means my beloved single bed will be relegated to the spare room and the sofa bed I have there either passed on or donated to the local community shop. My partner's sister is moving into a new flat and is down sizing a little (which is how I'm getting the bed) so we're going to spend my days off helping to get it clean and tidy ready for that. Is it weird I'm looking forward to it?! I have decided I miss the outdoors. Starting this job and working irregular shifts means that the fact that I was out walking every other week has changed because they conflict and at most I can get out with them once every two months. At first it was okay but I've realised that I miss being out (after recently seeing some pictures of a friend who went hiking up in Scotland). So I'm thinking I need to find another group to go walking with (I can't go n my own because I have a terrible sense of direction and I would never be seen again!) or that I need to link myself further to this friend and bite the bullet and be cheeky and invite myself! Either way I have to get out more. I miss the country side. I miss the lakes. I miss seeing mountains and experiencing it all. It's something that I do for me and I have to keep doing it. I'm really looking forward to all of the birthday celebrations right here on WdC next month! Bring it all on Hopefully it'll inspire my muse (which seems to have evaporated since sending off The Doors again).Anyway, I think that's enough babble for now. Until next time |
| Last night I spent my night ghost hunting. My partner and I had decided on a date night. We were going to get dressed up and head to town and get some food and drinks. I was quite looking forward to it since it's not something we do very often. Then, the day before, he got it into his head that it would be great to do a ghost hunt. He's done a few before and branched out into buying equipment himself too. As he was searching on the internet, he came across a ghost hunt in Kielder Castle. He got himself all excited and alas, I gave in... so, rather than having a date night I was to attend my first ever ghost hunt. As it drew nearer I got nervous, but actually more excited at the prospect of driving out a way and spending the night in a castle. The drive there was scenic and as we reached Kielder, it only got better. I've never been before but I found we were driving down a little road bordered by the tallest trees I've ever seen only parting every few feet to show off the magnificent lake beyond. It was heavenly. And then the heavens opened and I was almost in a scene from a movie, or a game. It was amazing. The ghost hunt itself, although enjoyable, was largely unorganised. It meant the groups, which was split into two, was left to wander around the building and left to out own devices. While this was fine for a while I found myself growing a little bored. We wandered this way and that, snapped pictures in the dark and recorded for small bursts just to see if we could capture anything. We did hear some strange noises that make me think twice when we knew nobody else was around. The creepiest part of the night was when we entered an almost abandoned part of the castle and climbed a set of old stairs into a loft which was complete with beams, dusty floorboards and, as I neared the top, a table surrounded by six chairs all scattered about as if there had once been a tea party held. Sitting in the pitch black with nothing at my back was quite an experience and I had to grapple with the panic I could feel welling. But I did it. And 3am rolled around and we jumped back into the car and drove through the inky blackness home. It was something that was different, I did enjoy it and it helped my imagination go on a wild ride. The only thing I suffered from was a lack of sleep and terrible midge bites on the backs of my legs and neck (which are plaguing me incessantly now!) Perhaps there will be a story come of this experience, I am glad I tried it and will look forward to the next... |
| I feel like I've been a bit all over the place the last few weeks with decorating my bedroom in the flat, but now it's all finished and it looks lovely. The only thing I need now is a pair of curtains and a double bed! It's all in the works though and I plan to shop for them soon and it will complete it all. I love the way my room looks now. It's so me, it's cosy, it's warm and inviting and I'm starting to want to spend more and more time in my room in my bed! Not always a great thing but a nice thing. I sent off the revised version of The Doors the other night (Friday). At the minute I'm trying not to think too much into it. They might like it, they might not. Simple as. The other thing I'm finding is that I'm a bit lost, writing wise. That novella has consumed me for a long time and while it's been great and it's been the first piece of work of a length like that I've ever finished and taken the time to edit thoroughly. Now I don't have anything. I keep checking through my emails, responding, doing what I need to do then I feel blank. I need to find focus on something else. I have The Devil's Playground that I think I may continue working on. It's something I started a while ago and I still love the idea an now that I have more time and a fresh mind I can take the time to go back over the reviews, take in the suggestions and edit those first few chapters I also saw an update earlier from Shaye  about the 3 day novel idea Linked 'Note' no longer available.  I think it's an awesome idea. I only learned that there was such a thing a week or so ago and the date seems to be approaching fast. I think in order to write a novel in 3 days a person would have to completely sack off everything else in their life, invest in some strong and tasty coffee and hunker down in the dark. While all that appeals I don't think I can do it (this time around) and besides, it's not like I even have a novel idea right now. Or at least one that I haven't already started.I think I have finally discovered what my ultimate fear is. I know that's terrible. I'm 26 and it's taken me this long! Well, I guess aside from ants (of which I had a very traumatic incident) I seem to have been plagued by wasps while at work these past few weeks. They always get into the office in the small hours of the morning and buzz above me overhead on the strip light so loud I feel like it would wake the whole place up. And it flies around, the horrible yellow and black stripes all angry and hostile warn me against messing with it. Well I can't just sit there and get on with things while there is a wasp flying around. No sir! So what did I do? Arm myself with the nearest insect repellent I could find (actually meant for cockroaches and ants and found in the locked kitchen downstairs) and the hoover. That's right. Because once it's down I can't just leave it there. It took me just ten minutes to muster up the courage to take my eyes off the damn thing, but I did it, I defeated it! Only to find two hours later, another arrived. From where? I have no idea! The window is shut (to prevent this) and the door is shut... perhaps it came back from the dead. But I got it again  |
| So I think I may have finished my final read through and edit of The Doors... for now at least. It's still my baby but it's come so far and I think I've developed it well. I think. I've added around 15k to it through my edits and managed to characterise more and tie up the loose ends. It's strange though, I feel quite emotional about it and I certainly didn't feel like this when I completed the first edits and sent it off. So the next step is to get it all together and resubmit! I'll be doing that tomorrow night before work I've just finished judging a week on the 30 Day Blogging Contest. It's something that I've wanted to do but not got around to until now but it was a really enjoyable experience and made me want to take part. I think sometimes having a blog prompt will help inspire me to write too which I'm hoping to pick up more of now In other news, I'm busy decorating my bedroom at the minute. It's having one black papered wall, two red and one beige. The painting all done (all except for the glossing at least). My dad is putting the paper on on Saturday while I'm at Ladies day and putting down the carpet on Sunday. I still don't think I'll think it's completely done until I've finally got my double bed, but let me tell you, I'll be glad to be back I my room properly again. I feel like the flat is a complete mess at the minute. Everything has been shoved in my spare rooms (I'm so glad I have a spare room!) and my wardrobe is on the landing. It's so unsightly. I've spent the last four night sleeping on my mattress on the floor of my front room and discovering that my downstairs neighbour is rather loud, especially when he has a drink *sigh* But like I say, hopefully it'll all be done soon! Ladies Day on Saturday and I'm feeling more excited about it. Perhaps it's because the unsightly marks on my legs are beginning to disappear and the plans are all set now . I'm going with my sister and a few of my girlfriends. It's going to be good. The only problem being I'm a little low on funds at the minute, but doesn't mean I can't have fun! |
| So after reading "Invalid Entry" I was inspired to think about my own collections and the things I have collected over the years. One of the first things that sprung to mind was my first and only complete set of Candy Sticks cards! I'm a huge Lord of the Rings fans and at one point there were cards that came with candy sticks that allowed you to collect each of the main characters, and on the back when all put together was the map of Middle Earth. I loved it and you have no idea how many candy sticks I ate when I was collecting. I managed to do it in the end Another collection I have is the complete works of Richard Laymon. From the first book I read of his I was hooked and realised all of his novels had been brought out in double book collections and I got them all! They currently sit all pretty on my bookshelf I suppose I am also a collector of Disney DVDs. While I do not suggest I have them all, I love Disney movies and always have and have a lot of them and will continue going too! I may add to think if I can think of something else! |
| So I've been at work for just over five hours and it's already been quite an eventful shift with three incident reports, arguments and climbing. Oh yeah, that's right! There was an incident going on across the road which I called the police to attend but when they arrived I found the front gate wasn't working and so I had to climb over the fence into next doors garden to get out... and the same coming back too, which resulted in a big scrape across my leg. Did I mention I was going to Ladies Day in a couple of weeks? *sigh again* perhaps my legs are doomed and shouldn't see the light! hehe. But now I'm hopefully going to catch up on emails and things. Already updated the Beach Bar Raffle. We've raised an amazing amount of gps already |
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Just for you BJ Hope your have'n a good day. 
