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Thoughts, inspirations, and questions. |
| This blog will house my thoughts and findings in regards to life, happiness, and most importantly God. |
| I miss you. Those three words seem inadequate right now, but they are all that I have. I miss you. You used to say that to me from time to time, but I brushed the words off. We get so used to hearing them that they lose their intensity and sincerity in our minds. They become common place. However, now without you here, those words lose their subtlety and instead feel like dagger stabs. The difference between you saying them and me saying them is that I always came back. You didn’t. Tis’ the holiday season with bright colors, presents, and an abundance of people. Everyone is happy and together, but we aren’t. Sometimes I forget that you ever left. I wake up and want to share something with you, but then I look, and remember, that you aren’t here. I never imagined what it would be like to lose you because you were always supposed to be here. Why did you have to leave? The days keep ticking by, passing the year into a new one, and all blur together. Time isn’t as reliable as it once was. Sometimes you’ve been gone for a day, others times you’ve been gone for years. At least that is how it feels. And, what gets me the most is the fact that I will never see you again. Your smile. Your laugh. Your voice. These are the things I always took for granted and wish I never did. I didn’t hug you like I should have or told you that I loved you more. Instead I let frustration get between us. I let pain and anger guide me. Why was I so stupid? Why was I so blind? I would do it all over again if I could. I would be a better daughter. We would be the best of friends. Nothing would separate us, but instead, would make our bond stronger. We went through a lot. We saw things that we shouldn’t have. You got hurt, and there was nothing I could have done to stop it, yet I had to remain there, watching your pain. I’m sorry that I didn’t stop his fist. I’m sorry that I didn’t break his hold over you. I’m sorry that I wasn’t more understanding after our accidents. I’m sorry that I got angry at you for your choices. Most of all, I am sorry that you were taken away. Now, the word sorry seems inadequate but it’s all I have. You will always be in my thoughts and always in my heart. Love Always, Your Baby Girl |
| I love you. How can you? Because I am God. Why me? Why not you? I’m a sinner. I’m the Redeemer. I’m not worthy. True. On your own strength you aren’t, but through me you will find that worth. But, I’m nothing. No. You’re everything. I chose to create you, give you life, and carry you whenever you fell. Aside from me, there is death, but when my spirit lives inside you, everything that I am rests upon you. I don’t understand. You aren’t meant to understand everything, but you are meant to trust in me during all circumstances. How? Have faith. But, how? I can’t just assume faith will make a way. The world doesn’t work like that. I can’t. Yes, you can. Just talk. Tell me about your fears. Let me see your pain. I can give you peace and make hope reside in you. Everything good is from me, so trust that I want you to share in that. I won’t ever hurt or belittle you. Instead, I will love you with the ferocity of a storm, and, in my wake, all things, including you, will be made new. Oh, God. I want that. Good. Please, let me help you child and rest assured that you will never be alone because I am always by your side. |
[Embed For Use By Upgraded+] ~~'Cause I'll be by your side wherever you fall In the dead of night whenever you call And please don't fight these hands that are holding you My hands are holding you Look at these hands at my side They swallowed the grave on that night When I drank the world's sin So I could carry you in And give you life I want to give you life~~ These words by Tenth Avenue North are meant to be God's words to us. I cry every time I hear this song because it reminds me of what I so often forget. When we fail, fall, and stumble we aren't alone. God has been there the entire time and knows what's going on. When we fall short of the expectations we feel are right, we don't have to stay down. I love how the lead singer put it in an interview. He said that when he falls, he thinks he needs to get his life right or pray more before he comes to God, but we don't have to do that. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. --- Romans 5:8 Christ didn't die for us when we were right with him, or when we prayed enough, or when we deserved it. No, he died while we were still sinners. That's the point of the cross - to cover our sin so that we can stand before God, redeemed. We are not perfect, but he is. We are not enough, but Christ surely is. We can do nothing apart from God, but through him we can do all things. I think this blog post has been for me, reminding me of God's love for us all, but I hope that these words will give encouragement to someone else as well. God is our everything if we allow him to be. That's what he wants. He wants a devoted and undivided relationship with us. Doesn't he deserve that? I believe, with everything that I am, that he does. It's easy to say, but harder to do. Life gets busy, our thoughts drift, we get into ruts. However, we also must realize that we don't have to go through everything alone. Who better to live for than for the creator of all? |
| Just because you work at a Christian school or go to Christian sporting events does not mean it's a Christian environment. To me, that is very sad. That is why we must always remember to shine the light of Christ no matter where we go. I subbed today for high schoolers at a small Christian School, that I've been working at for the past four years, but it always catches me by surprise when certain conversations or actions occur, especially in the vicinity of small munchkins. Everyone knows I prefer to be with the little ones, so I don't really know how to deal with teenagers very well. I'm only twenty-six, but it seems like a lifetime since those days. Today, I came to realize that we must ask for God's guidance in those situations. He knows what is in our hearts and our reactions to things, and with his help, we can learn better habits in response. I saw that I needed to work on my own heart before I reacted to anything around me. What kind of example are we if we don't? That's tonight's thought. Have a great night/afternoon/morning! -Shana- |
Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ There are many people who have told me that God doesn't do miracles these days. I, however, must disagree. First of all, everyone reading this post woke up this morning.  Slightly fewer than four million babies are born each year in the United States. Graupera-Cassimiro came back to life after 45 minutes without a pulse. We all know people who have been saved from fatal or dangerous illnesses. Now, are those the same as walking on water and splitting the red sea? No, not exactly. However, they are still, at least in my book, miracles that show God's presence in today's world. How can we believe in an unfailing, just, loving, and omnipresent God, yet think miracles are a thing of way back in the gap? God is still here, he still moves in his people, and he still shows us his love, mercy, and power on a daily basis. The problem isn't in the miracle, the problem is in us. How often do we take the time to be still and know that he is God? Without distractions, without worry, without rushing. I think that if we learned to live a supernatural life that was focused on God and his will for the world then we would see more miracles. We'd so more people saved. We'd see more people healed. We'd see more people find salvation. Remember the story in Mark 2 where the paralyzed boy was healed because of his FRIEND'S faith? It took 12 men, with the aid of the Holy Spirit, to change the world. What if each of us made a move to follow in their footsteps? This world has so much more to offer than what we have now. God doesn't desire us to be broken and hurting and struggling. He has called us to live a life seeking after him and his kingdom, and, then, everything else will fall into place. These, of course, are just my thoughts. I'd love to hear yours  -Shana- |
| I sit here, half asleep, and not knowing what to blog about. Today was a crazy, long day. Granny was hit by a car last November and has been between the hospital and nursing home ever since. She's had many close brushes with death since then, but she's a survivor and has put up a fight that amazes everyone. She had another surgery today, but she's doing very well since then. My mother needed me to substitute for her classes, so she could be at the hospital, and it was mighty interesting. I've been subbing for three years now, but something had to have been in the water today. The preschool class was awesome and fun. The high school P.E classes, however, were not much fun. Then I got to be chauffeur for the volleyball girls and keep volleyball stats for a double header game and go to the football game. Now, I am sitting here waiting for the laundry to finish so that I can pack for the volleyball trip tomorrow. We have to drive for 5 hours and spend the night since we have an early game. The plus side? I will have 5 hours to write! Well, that is, if I can consume enough coffee to keep me awake. I am excited for the game though because our girls have worked hard this season. My family may be football fanatics, but I am all about the volleyball, y'all. Oh, wait! Was that the dryer finishing up? Okay, I am off. I hope you have a great night or morning or day or evening. -Shana- |
| This song has made me think about my mother since the first time I heard it. I lost her four years ago, and while I have become a part of another family, and I have an "adopted" mother, it still doesn't take away the fact that I miss my mom more than anything I could ever express. "Hold every memory as you go," is at the end of the song and makes me feel a little closer to her. We have to hold onto the memories of those we have lost because that is what keeps them in our lives. "It's been a long day without you, my friend And I'll tell you all about it when I see you again" [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] |
| “Passion is one great force that unleashes creativity, because if you're passionate about something, then you're more willing to take risks.” - Yo-Yo Ma I love this quote because I feel it explains what we do and why we do it. We, as writers, have a passion for words, ideas, and expression. Why would we spend time putting our thoughts onto a page if we didn’t? Our passion may not be fully realized yet, but it’s there. Not all of us are published writers, but does that mean our craft is any less than someone who has their name on a cover or an article? No. Don’t let anyone ever tell you that you aren’t a “real” writer because of that. I hope to one day have my stories on shelves in a bookstore, but I won’t stop writing just because that isn’t a reality yet and may never be. I feel that we must have aspirations in order to be effective in our endeavors. This ties into the quote above. If we don’t have aspirations, and passion, then why would we even try? With that said, let’s look at what creativity is. Merriam-Webster dictionary defines it as: “the ability to make new things or think of new ideas.” With a very basic look at creativity, yes, I agree. However, I feel it is so much more than that. Creativity is something that defines us. Creatives, I like to call people who embrace creativity, rely on it as a lifeline. Without creativity in our lives, I feel that we would only be a shell of what we are meant to be. I believe that God gives us gifts, and it’s through those gifts that we take steps closer to becoming who we are meant to be. I know that not everyone believes in God, but I think the idea of gifts can apply to anyone. We cannot deny that writing, creating, and making art are gifts. So, if we are given a gift why would we squander it? That would just be silly. Well, what do we do then? We do what we do best. We create things from our imaginations, but we don’t stop there. We owe it to ourselves, and our craft, to hone it. We need to work on making it the best we can. If we write, then we should learn about what and how we are writing to polish it to the best of our abilities. When we think of a story or a piece of art we should follow through with it. We should write the idea down for later if we can’t work on it right then. Who knows what it could lead to? I am a firm believer that creativity is there for a reason. “The world is but a canvas to our imagination,” is one quote that has stuck with me since I first heard it. That is exactly how I see it. Life is a canvas, but it’s creativity that adds the color and design. Can you imagine if creativity was never followed? Sure there would be ideas, but nobody will ever follow through on them. This world would be very dull and lifeless. We would all be the same, have the same routine, and never wander from it. I don’t know about you, but I would hate that with every fiber of my being. It can be intimidating to put ourselves out there, especially when great writers, artists, and philosophers have come before us, but even they had to start somewhere. If you are given an idea, then you should be able to explore it without fear of destructive criticism. Remember, the majority of people who will have an opinion on it don’t understand what it is that you’ve done. I know that won’t eradicate all negativity, but I hope it helps to combat it. Kudoz to you for putting your work out there! Those who do that should be commended not condemned. It saddens me that there are so many people who feel it necessary to belittle someone’s work. Constructive criticism, however, is different because it helps us grow in our understanding and ability if we allow it to. We always have a choice whether or not to be offended by something, so we have to be careful of the way we take someone’s words. We should always try to approach it without a defensive attitude. It can be hard to though because our work is our baby. It is our creation and our passion. Hearing something negative about it can make us mad, but we have to be sure that if we put something out there we are ready to hear the good along with the bad. I hope that we all will embrace the creativity that is inside of us because it’s that creativity that will change the world. |
| There is something about each and every one of us that makes us special. Something sets us apart from the crowd. For some it's apparent, but for some it's not. Does that diminish it? No, not at all. Unfortunately, more often than not, the things that make us unique are criticized. Many people say kids are just mean, but I have learned that adults can be just as cruel, if not more. It breaks my heart when people feel like they have to hide their differences because I believe they should be celebrated. We are all different for a reason. Our differences are what make us unique and it takes many different personalities and abilities to make the world work. We need compassion, physicality, ingenuity, creativity, and much more. We all have a part to play, and it is that which makes life interesting. I was born in Idaho but raised in Montana. What is common with both? Cows and cold. The cows don't play a part in this story, but the cold does. When I was 11 years old, three days before Thanksgiving, my mother and I were driving to her boyfriend's house which was across a beautiful mountain pass. It was cold, snowing, and the roads had black ice on them. We were involved in a five car pile up, but thankfully we were the only ones injured. My mother ended up in a three week long coma while I was only in a four day coma. We were both saved, but we had our own issues to overcome. She ended up with complete amnesia, so she had to relearn how who she was, how to talk, how to walk, and how to take care of herself. She was like a baby all over again. I, on the other hand, was fortunate after my short coma, but my body had been crushed and took nearly a year to heal. I will have to use crutches for the rest of my life, but God saved me and provided a way for me to get around and take care of my mother and I. A couple of years went by before another accident, two days after Christmas, impacted our lives. Again, we were the only car affected, but this time it took the lives of the driver and passenger who were my best friend's grandparents. Suffice to say, I held onto guilt for many years. My mother was stiff and sore, but thankfully she didn't get injured. My healing got set back, I almost died from blood loss, and I was bed ridden for two months, but, again, God saved us. To go through that as a child, changed my life and the way I grew up. I remember the teasing and being brushed off. I found solace in reading and staying home rather than in friends and social situations. Growing up, I was never encouraged about my differences but instead was taught it made me less of a person. Of course, I see the truth of it now, but back then I only knew what society told me. What it told me was being different was wrong somehow. It wasn't until the past couple of years that I have realized the things that make us different doesn't make us inadequate. Society tends to insinuate we have to live up to a certain standard in order to be accepted. If we are gorgeous or rich, then we have an in. If we are poor and "unattractive" then we are at a disadvantage. Why? Why should society be allowed to tell us if we are, or are not, okay? So what if we are too tall, too short, too skinny, too chubby, have buck teeth, have no teeth, are blind, have a stutter, have a mental disorder, have a physical disorder, or anything else that may set us apart from others? We are the way we are for a reason! If we go through something that means we can help someone else who is going through the same thing. Have we lost someone? If so, maybe we can be that voice that tells another that it's hard, but it won't always be this way. When I lost my mother, four years ago, it destroyed me. But then I found the family I have now, and they taught me that everything happens for a reason. Now, that doesn't diminish the struggles we face, but it gives us hope if we allow it to. I have a few questions for you... What makes you different? How does that make you feel? Why do you feel that way? What can you do with it? As always, these are just ramblings of my mind. I apologize if it upsets anyone because that is never my intention. |
| What defines you as a person? What would someone, who just met you, think of you? Contrary to popular belief, I do believe that what someone thinks of you matters. Hold on, don't tune out just yet. What I mean is that our words, our actions, our words do matter. The way we present ourselves is important. The situations that we face in life may be a defining moment for someone, whether us or them. Now, in the words of Ms. Taylor Swift, "Haters gonna hate". I couldn't agree more. There will always be people in this world who will hate you. It may be for your relationships, your values, or even just because you breathe. Some people are so calloused by this world that all they bring is destruction. Don't let those people callous you as well. Imagine, if you would, starting your first day at a new job. You don't know anyone, you're out of your element, and you're nervous. You may know how to do your job with precision, but some of your co-workers mess you up. In that moment you have two options - you can take a deep breath and carry on or you can get frustrated and blow the situation off. The way that you handle yourself in that moment says a lot about who you are. If you react in anger, it could turn people away from you. If you are a loner then perhaps that is your goal. However, if you aren't a loner, it would make your workday miserable. If you react with perseverance, you would gain the respect of your co-wokers as well as yourself. I'm not saying we should be people-pleasers, but I do believe we should work as a team within whichever situation we find ourselves. So, in those moments how do you react? I tend to react with one extreme or the other. Sometimes it's with anger, yet sometimes it's with patience. It all depends on the situation. I will admit, however, that when I do react in anger, I regret it later on. In the bible it says "For out of an abundance of the heart the mouth speaks." This is something I have to always remind myself. I don't want to be known as the irrational or irritable one. I don't want to come across as someone who doesn't work well with others. I want to be known by the positives of my personality. I feel that is what shows the fruit of our faith or beliefs. Not everyone is religious, but they still hold some form of belief system and moral standards. That is why I feel this verse applies to everyone. Whatever we fill ourselves up with, it will come out. Once the toothpaste comes out of the tube, we can't put it back in. What is our toothpaste like? Is it good or bad? What do we want it to be? So, one more time, I ask....What defines you? |
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