Hello Lynda Miller   ! Hey there! It's Shana from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  . This review is part of your winning auction package and it has been my pleasure to write it for you. I am a fan of yours and have yet to come across a story of yours that I don't like. You are a very talented writer and it's an honor to be able to see inside your creativity. Your portfolio is filled with all types of stories, and I am eager to get my hands on some more of them. I read "Lets play Barber Shop!" and wanted to leave my thoughts of it with you. Please keep in mind that these are the thoughts and opinions of a single reader. Everyone has their own styles, preferences, strengths, and weaknesses. I hope that nothing I say will come across negatively, and if it does, please tell me so that I will not make that mistake again. Please take whatever is good and toss out whatever doesn't apply. 
 First Thoughts: I was excited to read this short story because it sounded like a fun little tale. Now, as I say that, I begin to wonder if there will be any type of twist that would take it away from the fun tale. However, it was a gamble I was willing to take, so I read on.
Oh, and before I move on, I wanted to point out that the exclamation point in the title “Let’s Play Barber Shop!” added a child-like wonder to the story. It fit the description very well.
 As I Read: Where did the inspiration from this story come from? Is it from personal experience or a product of an active imagination? Either way, it's been interesting! The descriptions you use throughout your story are very vivid. We see the children drenched in humidity and then, when that is more of a negative aspect of the Texas weather, we get to see the beauty of the roses. To me, it was a nice balance. The colors are a beautiful selection and I can imagine what they would look like.
  Characters: I work with children at school, at church, and I have a five year old sister. It is nice to see a story with children as the main characters because it reminds me of their innocence and how they see the world. It’s amazing to me how magical the most mundane things can be to them. I think you have done a great job with showing that through your characters. Randy and Sue, also, both sound like children which can sometimes be difficult to accomplish. I know that I’ve had to redo some of my children’s dialogue in stories because they sound too grown-up, but you have done a great job with it. Not that your story or dialogue is juvenile. What I mean is that your story is polished along with retaining a child-like element to the story that assures the reader that it is really being told through a child's experience.
We also get to meet the parents, a young girl named Christina, and her parents. Christina is the unfortunate bearer of a game gone wrong, but her character holds true to a child’s personality.
Plot Structure/ Development:
The scene of the story gets set up right away in the first sentence and paragraph. I like how you cut to the chase with that. We see that the children are enjoying themselves outside in a Texas summer. I’ve been to Texas, and live in Louisiana, so the description of the humidity hit me with recognition. It can be miserable to deal with, so seeing the kids enjoying themselves was nice. Unintentionally, you have already drawn me into the story.
Enter a new family and a young girl for Sue to play with. What do two young children do when they are together? These two decide to play barbershop. I think it was a great choice for them because it was very realistic. The story unfolds in such a way that I can easily see my little sister as Sue. I just hope my sister doesn’t try to cut my hair when I sleep or anything.
I loved the conclusion of the story because it stayed true to a child’s perspective. Her mind was on how cool their game was and how neat Christina’s hair looked instead of the repercussions of the act.
Writing Style:In my opinion, dialogue can be a difficult part of a story to write. However, I have never seen any difficulty with it in your stories. You are a great storyteller and it seems, to me at least, that the art of dialogue comes easy to you. I know in concept dialogue must seem easy…it’s talking to one another, but to have it fit perfectly inside of a story can be a bit tricky at times. How do you feel about your dialogue skills? Your opinion is all that truly matters. But, if you do feel that this is something that doesn’t come easy to you, I hope this will be an encouragement for you to rest assured in your ability.
As a whole, you do very well with your stories because they are entertaining, creative, and engaging. The scenes are set up well and the characters complement it well. I have yet to read a story of yours that I didn’t really enjoy reading. Whether it is a children’s story or a detective story or one of the many other’s from your mind, you do a great job in telling it.
I pointed out a few things below in “Things That May Add” which may benefit from a second look. Every writer has their own writing style. I am just pointing out some opinions I formed from reading your story. I hope none of it comes across negatively. I picked out what caught my eye, but that doesn't necessarily mean they are incorrect or not a good choice. I am simply trying to shed some light with an outside opinion.
 Things That May Add: There were only a few things that I noticed. Mostly it was just small things, or possible corrections, and overall you did a great job with editing this piece!
"Sue," her mom shouted, it's time to come in and get your bath. The Wheeler's will be here with their little girl, Christina, pretty soon.”
”Sue,” her mom shouted, “it’s time to come in and get your bath. The Wheeler’s will be here with their little girl, Christina, pretty soon.” With this, I just put another set of quotation marks after shouted,
WOW, mom is going all out.Wow, mom is going all out, she thought.
I like to put internal dialogue, like above, in italics so that it is easier for the reader to distinguish between that and the rest of the story. Everyone has their own preferences, but I thought I would point that one out.
The whole house smelled of pot
roast and bread as they cooked in the oven.
The whole house smelled of pot roast and bread as they cooked in the oven. I just removed the extra line space.
This was her favorite desert.
This was her favorite dessert. I just added an extra s to make it dessert.
“I’ll get it" dad said " Hi Chuck, Dianne, come on in and have a seat. Who is this pretty little girl you brought with you?”
”I’ll get it,” dad said. “Hi Chuck, Dianne, come on in and have a seat. Who is this pretty little girl you brought with you?” With this sentence I just added commas after itand said.
"We have a daughter name Sue and she is five. Sue, come out and meet Christina,”
”We have a daughter named Sue and she is five. Sue, come out and meet Christina.” I added the letter d to name and changed the final comma to a period inside the quotation mark around Christina.
Can I get you anything? A drink, water?”
”Can I get you anything? A drink? Water? I added quotation marks before can. I also put a question mark after drink to simply show an alternative way to say it. As I read that sentence, this is what popped out to me. But, then again, it’s just personal preference and not anything wrong with it.
"You have a beautiful daughter," Evelyn said. When is your next one due?”
”You have a beautiful daughter,” Evelyn said. “When is your next one due?” I added quotations before when.
 Line(s) of Note: "This is pretty, I want mommy to see it," Christina said excitedly. I chose this line because it epically expresses a child’s mind. Here, Sue just butchered the girl’s hair, a big no no in an adult’s eyes, yet to them it was the coolest thing ever. C’mon, we’ve all done it. Well, at least I hope it hasn’t just been me who has played barber shop as a child. It’s safe to say that my mother wasn’t all too happy either. Plus, even after all of that, Sue still thought Christiana’s hair was awesome. It shows the mindset of a child very well. Good job on that.
Closing Thoughts: I really enjoyed reading this story. I am very grateful that you bid on my package because it's been fun to read through your stories. There are more reviews to come, and I truly appreciate your patience with it all.
I want to leave you with the following encouragements:
You are a brilliant writer who has a true, innate, gift.
You have overcome a lot of obstacles just to pursue your love of writing and that alone makes me admire you and your perseverance. It's a testament of what a love of writing can help to overcome.
And, finally, you have been an amazing and supportive member of this community and I want to thank you for that.
Thank you for sharing your passion and talent with us
-Shana-
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This is a review from "
First Thoughts -This poll caught my attention because intercultural studies is something I hold very dear. I love learning about different cultures and immersing myself in them. Living in Louisiana, USA limits that passion, but there are different surprises now and then that remind me of the "outside world". This poll is one of those, so thank you for sharing it!
First Thoughts: Not all of us are brought up in faith. I have been a follower of Christ for three years now and, in that time, I have realized that the stories from the Bible aren’t something of the old days. Yes, everything happened many many many years ago, but we can still relate to those stories today. Something that used to be difficult for me was to read passages from the Bible and play it out in my mind. I had a hard time understanding the full meaning of the passage because I couldn’t see it clearly. This is one reason why I absolutely love stories like this one. You bring life to these amazing words and you present a story that we can see play out. Thank you for that 
As I Read: You broke up the story with engaging questions and personal testimony. You made me, the reader, feel a part of the story you’re sharing. I really like that you chose to do it that way. It’s not just a story, but also a devotion or study or even a mini-sermon. There is so much potential here that it makes me excited. 
Things That May Add To It: You did a fantastic job with this piece. The only thing that really caught my eye that would possibly benefit from a second look are purely visual and not very important. In the first half of the piece, if you go back and add a space between the paragraphs, it would be a bit easier for the reader as they read through it. Then the final section that starts with “Oh, and one last thing to remember…” may benefit the same way. But like I said, it was just a visual change and not important to the story itself. 
First Thoughts: I know that for me, the idea of “healing sand” was comforting. It brought about the mental image of standing on a shore while the wave came in over the sand and it retracted, taking with it the problems, worries, and cares that weigh us down each day. At least, that’s the image that came to mind, not necessarily what your story was about. I was curious to see what this “healing sand” would be and read on. 
