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 |  Little scraps of my life... my blog. |
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Yes. Yes, I am. I'm turning 24 this Thursday and you'd better remember.  haha, nah just kidding. But if you don't remember, I'll just come to your house and throw rocks through your windows. Nothing major. Another birthday rolls around, and what I have a done to show for the year? Well, plenty actually. Yay for me. For some reason though, many parts of me still feel empty and untapped. But at least I accomplished a lot and I have many years ahead of me to explore new paths. What can I report other than the impending birthday? Still working and not yet fired.... though things will get close if I don't learn to SHUT MY MOUTH! Yes, keep that bloody sarcastic tongue of mine pinned to the roof of my mouth and my lips firmly closed. Or at least pick my moments. I'm sitting on a path to get in worse trouble if I keep going the way I have. Things can get way too familiar in such a small workplace and it's not always in my best interest to say what I think! Whatever it is, chances are I'll get over it so I may as well let it pass by. Unless of course, someone is having a go at me then I will stick up for myself. But choosing the right words is something to think about..... lol. I'll be going back to my other work soonish too. I'm going back to Saturdays, so that'll be fun.  It shouldn't be too bad. I'm trying to start everyday by being positive! Again with the small workplace thing, if I'm in bad mood, sometimes it gets contagious and if my boss is in a bad mood, it's definitely contagious. I have to try to ignore him and just keep smiling. Smiling is a good thing.  And now, I'm so tired and getting a little delusional I think so it's off to Sleepyville for me. |
| You know, I really have to wonder about C and this new girl of his. No, really. It almost feels a little suss to me. And mysterious, definitely mysterious. Every time I message him just to kind of see how he's going (and yeah, see what he's up to) - I always do it at a 'bad time'. Once this new girl was having an operation, but it was a private thing and he wouldn't say anymore. Then she was having a bad day and he had to be there for her, so talking to me couldn't happen.... but again, it was private. Then she was going overseas for a week and he's missing her badly already so he can't speak to me right now (so why exactly isn't he with her mourning his loss?) And to that, I jokingly said that maybe she was going overseas to find someone else (remember New Zealand?) and how come he can handle her going away but it wasn't okay for me... and to that, he said it's a long story, and you guessed it, PRIVATE. Hmmmm. He's happy to be friends apparently. I think he missed the memo on the definition of friends. Why is everything with this girl so private? The only time he initiated conversation since we split was to tell me about this girl and besides that, it's been all me. Someone suggested to me that he could be making it all up, considering his past of manipulation and lying. Which, *shrug*, I guess is possible. I don't really care, I just want to know why it's all so private! Does she have HIV or something?! Is she going overseas for a secret operation? And C knows I'm like this. He knows I HATE being frustrated and not knowing things. Do you think he's playing me? Or maybe it is just private. Maybe she some female disease like endometriosis and doesn't want anyone to know. I just find it weird. And I'm far too curious for my own good. It does my head in! |
| Gosh, life has really changed for me these past six months and is still changing. It's kinda crazy. I was thinking the other day and started listing all the "firsts" I've done in the last six months. 1) I've somehow managed to get myself a full-time job and secure it. I'm still a bit shell-shocked about that. Every now and then, I blink and have a smile to myself and remember just three months ago how annoyed and desperate I felt about not getting a job. I felt like I was never going to get anything and I'd almost given up trying. And now I have this job, and though there are aspects I don't like, I feel comfortable there. I feel like I fit in, my employers always tell me I do and how much they want me around and how well I'm doing. It's nice to know you're wanted! 2) I went overseas for the first time and went overseas for the first time by myself all in one! And I didn't really panic! I really only had two weeks to plan it and I remember sitting on the plane on the way thinking 'wait a minute - what am I doing?!' 3) I went skydiving! It's something that's always been in the back of my mind, but I never really thought I would get the chance. But then the opportunity just presented itself to me and I thought to myself, 'hmmm, well I didn't think I'd be crossing it off my list this early in life, but why not!' I think I'll enjoy it more the second time around.  4) I got my first boyfriend, first kiss, first everything-else-that-comes-with-a-relatonship. 5) I had my first break-up! 6) I bought my first new car and have paid the whole thing off in just five months thanks to my new job! I'm trying to think of more things, but I think that's it. Not that it isn't enough! I feel like I'm missing one more thing, but I can't think of anything... I can't believe so much has happened to me. It's amazing how quickly life changes. I STILL can't believe I got a job, I mean SERIOUSLY! Me? A full-time job? And I think I actually enjoy it. Sometimes I definitely don't, but I do enjoy....okay, enjoy is too strong a word.... I appreciate working with my boss. He's a bit of a laugh and it lightens the mood sometimes. He's also a bit of a prick. Actually, he has many sides. lol. But I like learning new skills all the time and I think he enjoys passing on his knowledge to me. The one thing I'm not enjoying about this job is vehicle signage. GAH! VEHICLE SIGNAGE!!! Someone, please, make it go away! It's so frustrating, I can't seem to grasp how to properly design signage on a car and make it look good. It's more difficult than it sounds. And I got all pissed off because Richard wasn't around all week for me to get help with these THREE cars I had to work on, and then we finally get it done on Thursday and he says to me Friday - 'we really have to get moving now with these jobs and get them out faster. You know, a lot of time was wasted trying to do these cars...'  Yes, well it's because he wasn't around and I have ZERO experience doing vehicle signage. I get stuck in a rut. Give me a poster or banner any day of the week! *sigh*Rant over.  But things are going well for me. OH YES! There is more to add to my list. 7) I'm finally giving up my retail job after 8 years of long, hard and loyal service. I'm using up my annual leave all of November and then resigning from my contract from December onwards and just staying on as a casual. I decided to keep my Saturdays for now and then after Christmas, decide what I want to do. I still haven't got a contract from my new job (grr) so when I do, I'll feel more secure there. Not to mention this recession coming and it being a small business and all. I feel like maybe it would be smart to stay on as casual in the retail big business? Hmmm, we'll see. All that's left to do now is find a man, get married and push out a few babies! Wait, that's quite a lot, isn't it? |
| Well, C got a new girlfriend. Sort of. He's "dating" this girl, but it's complicated yada yada. It makes me feel really weird. Of course I'm happy for him, because I know how wrong we are for each other... but does anyone else think it's a bit quick? I mean, only about two weeks ago he was still in the "I don't want to know you or speak to you" stage and then all of a sudden he's over it and is fine with being friends. Apparently, getting over me and learning to be friends is for "her sake" because he wants to move on... yada yada. Okay. I admit it. I'm jealous. But not jealous because I still want C, but jealous because he has someone and I don't. And I miss talking to him. I actually miss being in a relationship... and I don't know whether or not to add "with him" on the end of that. I do miss C. I really do. I miss the long chats, the cuddles, the joking around. I'm pretty sure that just means I miss being in a relationship and that C is the only one I have to associate with that. But you know, having someone would be really nice. I'm kinda lonely. I'm very lonely if I really think about it, but I try not to. It doesn't help that my work environment consists of only three other people. I was hoping when I started working full-time, I'd be in a job where there would be friends to make, potential relationships... But it's ended up being just more of me. It's not that I'm unhappy. I enjoy my work, well, 80% of the time I do. But I've lost touch with most of my school friends. They get married, get jobs, move on... And I feel like I'm going in circles. I thought getting a full-time job would really turn my life around. But it's already become just something I do everyday. Get up, go to work, come home, sleep, go to work... I want someone to call at night or go see a movie with or just cuddle on the couch with. And I feel like it's only going to get worse. |
| Fine! I'll update! Geez. It's a pushy little thing that reminder. I'm still chugging along quite nicely. Work is going well it seems. I'm getting a steady flow of work to keep me busy and I'm starting to feel more comfortable using the humongous printer. We've had a lot of teething problems, but this week has gone pretty okay in terms of printing. Not so many stuff-ups and crappy prints. Touch wood!!! I shouldn't say that when there are important prints to be done next week. Other than that, I received that shock news today that a young Australian actor from a drama series called All Saints jumped off a building and committed suicide. It's really unbelievable, I mean, really hard to to comprehend. He seemed like a lovely guy with the world at his feet, but he was suffering depression. It's a horrible thing that depression. It should be banned...   http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mark_Priestley In happier news, I have a new baby budgie. He's so precious. He makes the most adorable baby chirps and tiny, baby whistles and when we put the TV on, he tilts his head like he's watching and chirps the whole time! SO damn cute. We're calling him Snow... or Snowy. He looks a little like a Snowy Owl.  I have pictures but I can't be stuffed uploading them here, so here are some links. It's worth it, he's adorable I swear! http://talkbudgies.com/photoplog/images/3568/1_babysnow.jpg http://talkbudgies.com/photoplog/images/3568/1_babysnow2.jpg http://talkbudgies.com/photoplog/images/3568/1_babysnow3.jpg |
| Oh, crap. I hurt my back at work. The lower right side of it really pains... every time I bend over a bit or stretch my neck forward. Or walk, or sit. lol. It happened Thursday on that stupid stool at work. I must have been sitting on the edge for too long and put pressure on that part of my back. But anyway, now I have to work all weekend full days and I really, really don't want to. I'm so tired, my back hurts and I even burnt my finger badly on the fireplace and it's all yucky and blistery. I might call in Sunday and do a sickie. And today at work pissed me off a little too. We finally got the new printer and I was the only one trained!! And now I'm expected to know what to do next week and my boss wants to start printing all this stuff straight away, like nothing will go wrong. It was a full day of training and a lot of information to take on board, I can't possibly be expected to remember everything. We were all meant to be trained but then he had to go interstate, the wife was panicking about something or other, and the apprentice had to do work off-site. GAH! And not to mention they fought in front of the printer training guy. The husband speaks so rudely to her... like there is no respect in that marriage at all. And the apprentice told me this afternoon that he hates it there and they're always fighting and the boss yells at him sometimes too. His mother even rang up the apprentice board and they had to have a talk to him about his behaviour. Hearing that, I swear to God... if he even TRIES to swear at me, speak rudely to me, call me names - no way in hell I'm putting up with that. I'll tell him outright that it's not acceptable in the workplace at any point. I have this feeling it's going to happen sooner or later though. He's going to feel more comfortable. I just have to be aware and keep it very much employer and employee. Hmmm, so we'll see! Whinge, whinge, whinge... but a good vent. |
| Dammit, you son of a bitch!!! GAH! No, no... not you. My stupid ex-boyfriend C. He is so frustrating and being an absolute bastard. I texted him yesterday morning sometime, just seeing how he was... you know, just being friendly, nothing more than a 'hi, how are you going?' and what do I get? NOTHING. Not a word. I texted him again later last night and still nothing... I've texted him a bloody three times since and nothing! The stupid, immature brat is ignoring me. I got all worried for a bit, thinking, oh you know, he could've been in an accident and in hospital or something happened. But nope, he doesn't even have the decency to be hurt! He's been online and active. He's well and truly fine. Yeah sure, he doesn't have to let me know how he is every two seconds but we haven't really spoken in about two weeks, maybe a week and a half. He said he was over it and moved on past me - so why the hell can't he speak to me?! It's just so FRUSTRATING! And makes me so angry. I'm not particularly egotistical but I hate being ignored. I really do. Just an "I'm fine" would be good. Okay... so if I got that I'm likely to respond back with another question or something but still. Just something. Just one little text.  I've also realised something recently. I have no friends. No close friends anyway. I really don't. And it's really sad. I don't have any girl friends, or guy friends for that matter, that I can just call up on a whim and go out with. No group of friends I can go out with on a Saturday night. How come other girls seem to have this clan of about a dozen other girls who they're close with? All my "friends" on Facebook post pictures of themselves out at night with their group of friends, girls having fun and dressing up... and I don't have anyone like that. And I know I'm going to get sick of my new work asking me every week how my weekend was and what did I do. I have nothing to say because I did nothing except work and hang at home. Why don't I have any friends?! |
| Wow. People can be so rude. I told a friend of mine about my new job and everything and I haven't been so offended in awhile. He studied multimedia at uni, did website stuff, did the "IT" thing... yada yada. I tell him about my graphic design job and this is what he says: I still can't believe you're working as a techie and using words like 'open source.' With any luck you will be writing code one of these days - what a dream, a chick who's into IT??!! Look out, all the geeks will stalk you soon haha! You should be happy though, as far as IT work goes, design stuff is at the lower end of difficulty, yet is a good skill developer. I bet it pays better than [your current job]! Excuse me? The "lower end of difficulty, yet is a good skill developer"? What is it with these IT guys and their egos? It's SO not at the lower end of difficulty, it can be very hard work and very long hours and extremely stressful. I don't see IT guys run off their feet, scrambling to get something to a client by a deadline. They just sit on their arses and write codes all day. Yay. Exciting. AND it's not just a "good skill developer", it's a CAREER! Bloody hell. Talk about a put-down. And why shouldn't I do tech stuff and use words like open source? Am I an idiot? Could I never possibly understand tech stuff and know what open source is? Pffft, get over yourself Paul. Hopefully not all IT guys I meet will be as arrogant and ignorant... |
| I got the job! Woohoo for me. I think I had it anyway, for some reason they seemed to take to me straight away and I'm enjoying myself. Funny thing though, just like a minute after she had finished sorting out the employment, the phone rings with her husband at the printing place and there had been a printer error - all my freakin' fault. Oh my God. I'd somehow mixed up some information on two different posters. I stayed back an hour the other night doing this and I was so tired, I guess it was just a mistake. But I felt so bloody embarrassed... I mean, I didn't mean to make a mistake of course but right after they employed me?! Not so good. I suppose I'll just have to take more care in future and pay attention. I don't usually make the same mistake twice so hopefully I won't! And she screwed up too with the order of it, so the project was doubly screwed up anyway. She told me not to worry about it though so hopefully I won't. But anyway, yeah, a job! I'm pretty chuffed. It all happened so fast, one week I'm not getting anywhere and then the next day... yay! Life is strange. I just hope I can keep up! There's pressure now to keep doing really well and not screw too much up. lol. But I'll manage - how hard can it be? (Yeah, famous last words or what? ) |
| Well. It's been an interesting week or so! I've been getting into DeviantArt a lot and I made two more photo-manipulations like the one below... but of course I reckon I got better each time. I'll probably put them up as sigs soon(ish). And I started a week's work experience at this signage/printing/graphic designing place. It all came about because a friend of the family knew this guy who had done work for him and heard he needed help with the graphics side of the business. So he said he'd go with me and introduce me and hopefully something would happen. I umm'ed and uhh'ed all last week trying to decide whether that was a good idea. I come across very young and I didn't want to seem like I was being childish and couldn't go and introduce myself on my own. But the idea was it was to get a job through 'who you know'. So I did it anyway and it all turned out fine. The guy seemed like he wanted to start me right there and then, but I felt like I should really have a week in a work experience capacity to see whether it would be right for me. So now I've done two days so far - is it right for me? *insert huge sigh here* lol. There's a lot of issues. I know it's only been two days, so I'll leave it til the end of the week but GEEZ! For one, the guy is self-taught and running this business.... I have no idea how. He can't use Illustrator and is using this weird signage program which he got for five bucks that I have to learn somehow. And today I couldn't figure out how to get the transparency of this image imported over to this program properly and he couldn't help me because he doesn't know Illustrator, so I kept just trying different things and nothing was working. But anyway, apart from the technical side of things... they're are other issues. Like, it's FREEZING!! It's a two-story factory and the top half is just nothing so it's a big, empty (cold) space. There's a concrete floor and no heating... so there's a radiator at my feet and it basically just burns my feet and doesn't warm the rest of me. He eventually got a gas blow heater but it ran out of gas this morning.... so I'm shivering. Did I mention they're married? The woman runs the front desk and he does the manual side of things. He also has this teenage apprentice who is just kind of there... And that's it. No other employees. Oh, and they have a 2 year old and a 5 year old - who ran around all day yesterday doing whatever kids do. They don't really bother me and I can deal with the noise, and the youngest one is soooo cute! All big eyes and fat cheeks. Not to mention my work conditions. I have a high bench thing and a stool with four legs and no back. It's so not healthy. My neck hurt after one day and my eyes are sore. The guy knows I need a desk and proper chair though... but yeah, I can't really work like that for more than a week. And, last but not least! They fight. They bloody have full-on arguments, swearing and all, right there in front of me or around the corner or anywhere. It happened yesterday when both kids were there and she was on the phone and the kids were being mega-loud and he didn't really do much to stop them... so she blasted him when she got off the phone. I'm just kind of sitting there trying not to listen, listening anyway... in the meantime, I actually got some work done. LOL. And today...omg...they're saying fuck this and fuck that to each other and sheesh! It's a bit awkward for me. They don't seem to care though. So anyway. Shocking work environment. He does have plans to move at the end of the year and get offices and carpet and heating/cooling and better computers etc. So maybe I'll just stick it out. We'll see! Good experience in the meantime.  |
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