Man the second stanza describing the lung cancer freaked me out. So we have cillia in our lungs that smokers burn away gradually? When you say sweepers I guess you mean they're meant to filter out the bad stuff like dust.?
I get inspired by others. It might be a single word or a line in a song and it just triggers something. Especially if you have writers block. Listen to your favorite band or read your favorite writer.
Hey, I'm sorry for such a low rating. It's hard to write a good horror piece or something creepy. I think it's too long. Your trying to tell a story in poetry format. All the lines in each stanza are too long for my taste. I get lost and have to reread the stanza before. I'll read more of your stuff. Check out my poem for "when I wear your favorite dress". tell me if you like it. I believe it portrays a perfect example a psycho.
Steven when I first read the title I was a little iffy but I was drawn to it and I gave it a chance and I'm glad I did. I enjoyed your poem. I enjoyed it so much I even put a rhythm to it. Are these lyrics of yours? Beause this would be a good country song.Not like todays country. More like the old country like Hank Williams Senior. And a mildly fast pace like bluegrass
lol I like it. You musta got realy stoned. Opened your fridge and saw all the leftover Christmas dinner and thought to yourself..."Those poor leftovers. How cold and old they must feel." Now I wanna know whats in the pantry.
I could immediatly put a rhythm to it when I started reading it. So I liked that. I wish you'd kept describing fire more. I know what its about I think. A nice backyard/camping bonfire with family and friends with plenty of children running amuck. The ending does not seem to fit
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