Okay, here we go again. This time the "hammer" you choose to bang your Muse's message with is the Quatern:
A Quatern is a sixteen line French form composed of four quatrains. It is similar to the Kyrielle and the Retourne. It has a refrain that is in a different place in each quatrain. The first line of stanza one is the second line of stanza two, third line of stanza three, and fourth line of stanza four. A Quatern has eight syllables per line. It does not have to be iambic or follow a set rhyme scheme.
Now this is interesting, as it is very similar to the Lilibonelle, not as much in the "rules" that you are conforming to, but more in the way it affect's the message from the Muse. It's almost as if "Form People" are like architects . . . . artists who have constraints created by the materials with which they work. Not that we aren't all constrained by materials . . . . even "Free Versers" must write within the confines of the language they choose to speak.
But the rule of the Quatern goes beyond the establishment of rhythm and rhyme. It requires repetition, and a variety in the way the repetition is used. I like it much better than the Lilibonelle because the rules require a much more integrated design.
So your Quatern teaches me that concrete can be made in the form of slabs, bricks, blocks, and puddles. The Poet as the architect must still assemble them in a manner that builds a building.
Again, my biggest complaint about form is that here I am into the sixth paragraph of my review, and I have not even MENTIONED anything about the actual poem, about the actual message from your Muse. It's like the Architecture Review is more focused on the materials used in the building than the actual function and/or design of the building.
So let's take a look at your poem . . . "In Shadows Strolling, Here am I " .
The title calls to me . . . . "Here a poem, the mirror, the Poet, the image." On the first read I immediately am surprised that the title is the refrain, especially given this Poet's use of titles in previous poems I have read. And on the first read, I also see how the refrain comes back and I wonder, is this used to it's best ability?
I'm not sure.
Second read: The tone is mysterious. The repetition is leveraged to cause a new patter, where the refrain takes turn being the first and second phrase of a sentence. I like that.
I love the first verse. The third and fourth lines are so visual, so packed with several senses. I feel the radiant beams, I see the shadows on the leaves. I hear the crunch of the leaves (strolling), I smell the naked earth.
This is not the first poem by Karen M. Crump that involves all the senses. But what I like about this one, where I expect a dark poem about shadows and the dark side, possibly a treatise about sin (knowing the Poet's background), I am surprised to find a poem that illuminates the need for light in order to create shadow.
Clouds of cotton . . . . yet another amazingly quotable line. I love it. I love it. Is this original? Talk about an EXCELLENT visual that also has tactile appeal!
I have to say, I just do not like the way it ends. If not for the form, I'd just take the last refrain out. It seems to just hang there. There needs to be a better way to integrate it into the design. The entire poem is so well done, this needs to be addressed.
Meanwhile, I am getting so used to such excellent rhythm and such great original rhyming that I almost forget to mention it during the mechanical part of my review. But it just tickles me to hear rhyming with words like extol, soul, mirth, earth.
To me the entire act of rhyming is an auditory part of Poetry. If not for the fact that even when reading silently, we hear what we are reading in our "mind's ear" . . . . rhymes would have no purpose.
Enough with the mechanics . . . . now let's pay attention to the Muse! On the literal level, the poem can be read as a song of praise to God, to the Pattern that Connects all of us! Especially in the first three lines of the final verse, the poem definitely glorifies "the light of God."
But going further into a second, more hidden meaning. The birth of spring can now be seen, is juxtaposed with the refrain. Interesting, until this point I'm thinking that the setting is Autumn. But then I realize that the birth of spring really starts in the autumn, seeds nestling beneath leaves, finding their way to the ground. God's help is always there, the forces that create spring are working all winter long.
And this brings me to the the more subliminal message that I'm receiving from your Muse in this particular poem. ". . . sun rays dance as though with mirth. What an excellent thought. The rays shine down on me. Art provides an opportunity for the Muse to shine the light of truth on our lives. Shadows do not exist without sun, and chiaroscuro (light and dark patterns) define our reality.
This is reinforced by all the allusions to the other senses (hearing, touch, smell.) Even without sight, we can feel the light of truth . . . . and we can hear the spring.
Love it!
Dan Sturn
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