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Review Requests: OFF
1,038 Public Reviews Given
1,623 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I have a very straight forward reviewing style. I will tell you what I liked about the story and what I didn't. I will point out any errors that I noted as I read, but editing is not a strength of mine.
Favorite Genres
Erotica, dark drama
I will not review...
Poetry, non-fiction, Vore, Shrinking fiction, Gore or straight Horror
Public Reviews
Previous ... 4 5 6 7 -8- 9 10 11 12 ... Next
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Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Thank you for your entry into our Devils in Disguise Contest and good luck!


My Thoughts/Impressions:

A few typos can not detract from what is an amazing story. I loved the way you took us inside the head of your serial killer, showing that sometimes it is nothing more than boredom that breeds the sinister in us.



Any errors noted:

*Note4* Take a little walk, just a little one, down a path you've never ((been)) down before.

*Note4* Just ((a or the))mall with countless strangers milling about, searching for whatever it is that strikes their fancy.

*Note4* If ((I)) didn't carry anything, I'd miss ideal opportunities and then what would I be?

*Note4* I’m just an ordinary, average guy who's found the one thing he's ((he)) excels at. Nothing more.


Did the story fit the contest?:

Your character fit the contest perfectly. In my opinion he was one of the best we have had, my style of villian. I love the sinister effect of his "Ordinary, average guy" appearence and personality. EXCELLENT Job!


Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
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Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Great minds DO think alike! I know we have talked about it in the past and I even started work on my own this weekend BUT........I open up WDC and what do I find this morning?? A NEW CONTEST from Adriana Noir!!!! *Bigsmile*

I know that A MidSummer Night's Scream will be a rousing success with the passion you bring to all of your dreams and schemes! I absolutely LOVED *Heart* your introduction, *shivers* and your graphics are unique perfection per usual, my Twin. The prize bank makes me drool and wish the horror genre was one I was familiar with. Perhaps I will have to make a fledgling attempt if I can find the right muse. *Smirk*

I wish you the best of luck!!

A simple sig with my trademark shamrocks courtesy of the incredible Adriana Noir
Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.
Co-host of the new "Invalid Item"  contest!
Proud member of the "The WDC Angel Army" 
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Review of Bloodletting  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Bloodletting is an angsty offering that makes one wonder at the pain the young woman must be in to release so much and yet still bear the agony. It is comforting that there is one there that keeps the blade from sinking too far and yet her thoughts make the reader wonder how large a part he plays in her pain.

A simple sig with my trademark shamrocks courtesy of the incredible Adriana Noir
Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.
Co-host of the new "Invalid Item"  contest!
Proud member of the "The WDC Angel Army" 
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179
Review of Parasite  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
My Thoughts/Impressions:

On one hand this is one sick story. On the other hand ... it is frighteningly realistic. So very few people understand the power of post partum depression. It is a very real and serious problem that can hit all ages or economic classes.

You did an amazing job of showcasing Kayla's brave battle to put on a happy face for Jayden while inside she was struggling.



Any errors noted:

No errors noted.



*Note4*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!*Note4*

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Review of Foster Boy  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Thank you for your entry into our Devils in Disguise Contest and good luck!


My Thoughts/Impressions:

Crime and vengance served cold. I liked the twists in this story good and bad. As sick as it sounds .. I like human trafficking stories.

Any errors noted:
Coming from an impoverished village in Thailand nearly a year ago, they’d been bought and brought to Japan. .............I stumbled here ... perhaps .... they had been purchased and brought

“Thank you and I also truly appreciate your warning me on the raid. This might read smoother as.....warning me of the raid.


Tanabe screamed long and loud as the curved edge move at incredible speed ((moved))

After telling his men to tend to Tanabe wounds ((Tanabe's))


Did the story fit the contest?:

A surprising villian in the end but a villian none the less.


Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
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Review of Bossman  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: E | (3.5)
b}My Thoughts/Impressions:

I think many could relate to this story having dealt with bosses like Morris. I personally have worked in an environment that proved exactly what Reggie proposed. Believe it or not our boss was a tyranical ex-nun!


Any errors noted:

*Note4* The two men barely budged and ((an)) inch

Any suggestions for Improvement:

**Reggie came into work thirty minutes later. He carried a tall, wobbling pile of papers and file folders. He carefully navigated his way through the narrow corridors between the cubicles. He dropped the papers onto his desk and collapsed into his chair, relieved that he hadn’t dropped anything, as he had a habit of doing. He looked at his watch. He still had twenty-eight minutes until he was required to start working, but Mr. Namsob wouldn’t see it that way, especially in the mood he was in lately.**

Watch continuously starting your sentences with "He." Try changing things up a bit. For example... Dropping the papers on his desk, he collapsed into his chair.

In conversation try allowing your character's "voices" to let the reader know who is talking from time to time instead of following every line with he said ...he bellowed ... ect.

Write on!!

*Note4*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!*Note4*

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
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Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: E | (5.0)
A beautiful testement to a horribly life changing disease and the damage it does not just to the one diagnosed with it but increasingly to those that love them and much watch the deterioration with no way of helping. Your story not just brought tears to my eyes but made me sob as I considered those I love most forgetting my face. Very moving and amazingly well written.

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
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Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: E | (4.5)
Your "A Chinese Factory Life" takes a very poignant look at something that we here in the United Stated take for granted everyday. The wording that you chose gave the poem a sad and I thought a non native american speaking "voice" ... if that makes sense. LOL Anways ... wonderful job!

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
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Review of The Photograph  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
The faded memories in this short story were so poignant. One could feel for the old man when the mind and spirit are more than willing but the body old and weak. I hope that many people can relate to this as every family should have something that they do together and put aside all the hustle and bustle of everyday life just to get to know one another.

Very well done.

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
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Review of Her Gilded Prison  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Thank you for your entry into our Sinister Kisses & Kleenex Confessionals Contest and good luck!

My Thoughts/Impressions:

You did an excellent job of conveying Alessa's complete understanding of the situation and WHY she was resigned to it. She was returning to her husband with her eyes wide open and no false hopes. She is a woman that knows how to do what is necessary to survive...like it or not.

I think this is a new type of character for you and a stretch for you as a writer. Excellent job.

Any errors noted:

Really I only noted one ....
*Note4* She remembered when his smile had meant something to her, how His ((his)) wit and charm had swept her off her feet.

Any suggestions for Improvement:

I would have elaborated a bit more on Alessa's combination of fear and desire as she antsily waits to get away from the detectives and out of town before Marco makes bail. Play up the suspense of her wanting to take advantage of the small window of opportunity.


Did the story fit the contest?:

I thought that Her Gilded Prison followed the guidelines of the contest well.


*Note4*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!*Note4*

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Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings Melkor and welcome to WDC!

Having already had the pleasure of your reviewing talents I applaud your honesty and appreciate your critiques. A fresh, unbiased pair of eyes can be invaluable to a writer. Thank you.

I hope that you will one day decide to share some of your work here with us. Until then I look forward to hearing your thoughts and opinions.

*Note4* I write in my spare time, but don't consider myself an accoplished ((accomplished)) man in this aspect by any means. *Wink*

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
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Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello ransaid and welcome to WDC!
I give the The shameful service a *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* based on exactly was it is ....an excellent premise for a dark and dramtic offering! I hope you decide to dig into this idea and develop it into a full fledged story! I have book marked your name and will be checking back!!

A simple sig with my trademark shamrocks courtesy of the incredible Adriana Noir
Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.
Proud co-host of the new "Invalid Item"  contest!
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Review of The Dream  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
As a mother I can relate to this story so well, as I am sure many can. There is nothing more terrifying than fear for our children and the feeling of hopelessness. You have done an exceptional job here of capturing those emotions and brought tears to my eyes and a lump to my throat as I read, holding my breath at the ending.

Well done and Write on!

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Review of The Refuge  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Thank you for your entry into our Sinister Kisses & Kleenex Confessionals Contest and good luck!


My Thoughts/Impressions:

The Refuge was a intriguing combination of abuse, hope, and tragic romance at it's best.

Your descriptions of the fog covered river were beautiful and haunting. The moments she managed to steal with Ricky, alone in their refuge, wrapped in a silent cocoon were written with poignant style.

Your ending had a bittersweet Romeo and Juliet ending without a trace of cliche. Excellent job!

Any errors noted:

No errors noted. Great job!


Did the story fit the contest?:
A blend of angst and genuine tears, The Refuge was an excellent fit for the Sinister Kisses & Kleenex Confessionals contest.


*Note4*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!*Note4*

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Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
My Thoughts/Impressions:

Though not frightening or complex, This is the Best Trap, Yet! Is a cute halloween tale. Was this a contest piece perhaps?



Any errors noted:

No errors noted on this tale


Any suggestions for Improvement:

Perhaps lengthen the piece with a bit more detail and suspense as her victim becomes the hunter.


*Note4*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!*Note4*

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Review of The Darkness  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Peps and welcome to WDC!

The Darkness was very well written and ended with a fabulous twist. I like the way you think. *Bigsmile* Amanda's decision to leave her replacement in the dark is a twisted little play on "pay it forward" and extremely realistic in the modern work force where most look out for number one.

A simple sig with my trademark shamrocks courtesy of the incredible Adriana Noir
Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.
Proud co-host of the new "Invalid Item"  contest!
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Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Wicked evil grin* Ahhh it is so good to see I am not the only one!

People put way too much emphasis on the happening of a FICTIONAL story. Because my tales deal often with rape and brutality I have received more sympathetic emails teeming with good intentioned advice than I can possibly count! *biggrin*

People fear what they don't understand and I truly do not think the general person understands the mind of a writer. We should take it as a compliment I guess that they become so engrossed in our words that it becomes reality for them. Perhaps it is they that would benefit from a trip to the shrink?

Fabulous job! I think you will find many here that have similar stories.

A simple sig with my trademark shamrocks courtesy of the incredible Adriana Noir
Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.
Proud co-host of the new "Invalid Item"  contest!
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Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Ohh Kiya. You painted such vivid and heart wrenching visuals with your words in this tale. I read with a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes.

I could feel the fathers fear and the mothers hopes for her child. The dingy dark interior was so clear. For them to sacrafice so much and then to see nothing more than a childs natural curiousity cause so much pain and death ...it just makes me want to cry. You are a wonder creating such a literary gift from a picture.

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Review of Indigo Girl  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: E | (4.0)
My Thoughts/Impressions:
Over all a touching story. I really enjoyed the ending and Angela's instant trust.

Any suggestions for Improvement:

Going into a bit more depth about Angela's problem and how Samantha relates to it would make this a stronger story. As it is it seems a bit vague. Another thing might be the administrators reaction would be an interesting add.

*Note4*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!*Note4*


A simple sig with my trademark shamrocks courtesy of the incredible Adriana Noir
Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.
Proud co-host of the new "Invalid Item"  contest!
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Review of For I love  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: E | (4.5)
This wound will take a long time to heal with most Americans. We are not used to being hit at home so to speak. You have done an excellent joy of expressing your view points in this piece and is most unfortunate that more so not embrace your love of all regardless of nation, race or creed.

Well done.

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Review of Please Choose Me  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
As odd as it may sound, stories of orphanages and orphan trains have always held a fascination for me, one that is obviously not shared by those that have lived there. My grandmother grew up in one in Boston and never liked to tell of it.

You did a wonderful job of capturing Jeremy's worries and nervous energy. It made me smile to see what a young boy feels are important qualifications for adoption. My only complaint comes with a smile and an acknowledgement that we all do it at one time or another....how could you leave us hanging???

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Review of My Love For You  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: E | (4.0)
You have done a wonderful job in this piece expressing the joy and heartache of all consuming love. There were lines here that I could relate to, lines that gripped my heart and brought personal memories to the forefront. The third stanza made me stumble a bit as it went to regret and then back to mad love in the next, yet over all well done.

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Review of Dream Catcher.  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Dream Catcher is an incredible, intricate depiction of the depths of depression and despair. You have done an enviable, and yet frightening, job of chosing the perfect words to capture the darkness that can consume ones very soul with this awful disease.

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Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
This short story leave the reader breathless, heart pounding with apprehension and fear. Your description of paralysis behind the wheel, the desperation and helplessness, in extraordinary. I was also impressed with how you waited to identify the initial outline as a deer and then the horror of it taking on human form as it came up over the hood of the car.

My only comment/question would be the eye color. I generally think of the reflection of a deers eyes in the headlight to be a golden amber, not green. That could be me or my experience.

Over all an excellent tale!

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Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Your words here are those of one at peace with themself and their life. They exude a sense of warmth and home. You did a wonderful job of allowing the reader to visualize your little slice of paradise with your choice of descriptive words.

when I watch as the sun sets, red and gold
reflected on the pond in the last bit of light,

That is one of the most beautiful visualizations I have ever read. You are amazing!

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